You Don't Know What You Got Till It's Gone
by harmless128
Summary: Tragedy hits the JAG office. Will anyone survive the downfall?
1. What Happened?

You Don't Know What You Got Till It's Gone

Author: Beth Disclaimer: Yeah right.....If I owned them, trust me they would not be where they are now.

Summary: Tragedy hits the JAG office. Will anyone survive the downfall?

AN: I decided to try my hands at a little something new. I have an idea where I want this to go, but I reserve to right to change my mind at any time.

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"Ok what do you have here Smith?" Johnson stated. He had just arrived at the scene and was already uneasy about what he saw.  
  
"It doesn't look good Johnson. Driver is a female, approximately 35 years old was involved in a major motor vehicle accident." Smith replied.  
  
"I kind of figured it was an accident, Smith. You care to tell me more about the victims?" Johnson answered obviously annoyed. He shouldn't be taking this out on the kid, but damn he hated scenes like this. He stood and surveyed the scene before him. It was horrific to look at. He could barely make out the vehicles involved. A Lexus SUV T-boned what appeared to be a corvette. The SUV pushed the corvette into a light pole, sandwiching it. How anyone could survive an impact like that, he'll never know.  
  
"Well sir. The female was the driver of the corvette. She has a very weak pulse, and her breath sounds are shallow. Her blood pressure is 80/50 and she appears to have multiple lacerations. I'm not sure about internal injuries, though judging by the looks of it she is sure to have many. She was unconscious when we got here, and we have been unable to wake her up." Smith stated, hoping he got everything right. It was his first week on the job, and this was the worst accident he has ever had to witness.  
  
"What about the driver of the SUV?" Johnson inquired.  
  
"Driver is a male, approximately 40 years old. His air bag deployed, so his injuries aren't as severe. It appears that he broke his nose when the airbag deployed. He also has a few cuts and scrapes from the glass and complains that his neck is hurting. He's sitting back there with Brown awaiting transport to the hospital."  
  
"Does he have any recollection of the accident?" Johnson inquired.  
  
"He says he remembers bits and pieces, sir, but his memory is a little fuzzy. He thinks his head hit something else besides the air bag."  
  
Just as Smith was finishing informing Johnson of the situation. One of the other paramedics screamed, "We lost her pulse, someone bring me the defibrillator!"

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Well what do you all think? Do you want to see more? Let me know. I changed my notes a litlle from my last post. This if for all the shippers out there. I am, without a doubt, a Harm and Mac shipper. I promise this will have a very happy ending. Updating will be slow though, since I would like to finish What A Difference A Song Makes. 


	2. What Have I Done?

AN: WOW! I never thought I would get so many reviews with just one chapter. Thank you all so much. You all have my word that all will be revealed soon;)

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Johnson and Smith rushed over to where Williams was with the defibrillator in hand. Williams had already ripped the female's shirt open and cleared a way to use the paddles on her. As soon as the paddles were ready, Williams shocked the unconscious victim.  
  
"Clear!" Still no pulse.  
  
"Charge to 60 and continue CPR."  
  
"Clear!" Another bolt of electricity coursed through the female's body in an attempt to bring her back to life.  
  
"Still no pulse, sir." Williams exhaled.  
  
"Well continue CPR, and charge the paddles to 70. I'm not ready to give up on her yet" Johnson stated rather bluntly.  
  
"Why not sir? It's clear she didn't survive." Smith inquired.  
  
"Because she's one of mine."  
  
"What do you mean, sir?"  
  
"She's a marine Smith, and I never give up on one of my own."  
  
"How do you know she's a marine, sir?"  
  
Johnson handed Smith the female's purse. He had managed to pull it out the vehicle when he arrived on the scene. He showed Smith the military ID he had gotten out of it. Mackenzie, Sarah. LtCol. U.S. Marines. He always wanted to put a name with the face of the victim he was helping. He figured he picked that up during Vietnam. Johnson had been a corpsman in the Marines during Vietnam. He had seen more than enough death and destruction to last two lifetimes. He wasn't about to let one of his own fall by the waist side. "I have seen men lose limbs in battle, crash on the way to the infirmary, and somehow survive the ordeal. If she's been able to hold on for this long, she certainly has the will to survive."  
  
Johnson knelt down, and in his best drill sergeant voiced ordered the lifeless body. "Now you listen here marine! You will not under any circumstances die on me! You hear me! You will take that breath, and you will come back to us! Now fight damn you! FIGHT MACKENZIE!"  
  
"Clear!"  
  
With the last jolt of electricity, the female sprung to life. "You did it! We got a pulse, sir!"  
  
"I didn't do anything Smith. This marine did all the work." Johnson leaned over and whispered in her ear, "Semper Fi, Mackenzie."  
  
Once they were able to stabilize Mac, they loaded her into the ambulance. It was then that the driver of the SUV walked up to Johnson.  
  
"Is she going to make it?" He asked.  
  
"It's hard to tell. She's hurt pretty bad. We lost her for a minute, but she has that fighting spirit. We're on our way to Bethesda. I suggest you come along to get yourself checked out. You have a pretty nasty break, and they will need to set you nose. Besides they may want to observe you to make sure you don't have a concussion, since you said you hit your head on something other than the airbag."  
  
Johnson started to make his way to the ambulance when the driver of the SUV ask him, "Can I see the driver. I just need to see that he or she is alive at least for now."  
  
"I don't see why not. Come on, they need to get her to the hospital ASAP."  
  
Walking side by side, Johnson didn't hear the driver as he whispered "I was on my way there when all this happened". They walked over to the ambulance, and the driver peered in. What came out of his mouth next shocked everyone around him.  
  
"Oh my God! I know her!"  
  
"You know her!"  
  
"Yes, we work together. Oh my God! What have I done!" The driver fell to his knees and began to cry. Johnson and Smith stood there dumbfounded.  
  
"What do we do now, sir."  
  
"Well he needs medical attention that's for sure. Let's get him to the hospital, and then see if there is someone we can call for him."  
  
Johnson and Smith helped the man onto a stretcher and secured him for transport. Once he was onboard, Johnson closed the doors and, the ambulance made its journey to the hospital.  
  
"I've never seen a scene like that sir. Most accident victims have no clue who the other driver is. I mean, did you see the look in his eyes?"  
  
"Yes I did, Smith. It looks like he just lost his best friend."

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Ok here it is. All I have to say is: "please don't hurt me." I promise in the next chapter I will either confirm or rebuke who you think the driver is. Now all you have to do is hit that little lilac button and review. You know you want to. (evil grin) 


	3. So Who's The Driver?

AN: Again. Thank you so much for all your reviews. I find it very encouraging to hear from everyone. Well, as promised, you all will know who the driver is of the SUV.

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The ride to Bethesda seemed like it took an eternity to the driver of the SUV. He was lost in his own personal hell. What was he going to do now? How is he going to break the news to his colleagues at JAG? How was he going to face Mac if she even survives the night? A quiet sob escaped from his trembling lips: "Oh God, what am I going to do?" Lost in the enormity of the situation placed before him, the driver tried to gain some semblance of control. But control would be out of his reach tonight. He couldn't stop the volley of questions bombarding him. Little did he know, the paramedics in the other ambulance were having problems of their own.  
  
"Damn it! She flatlined again! Charge the paddles, Brown!" Brown reached over and grabbed the defibrillator. He hoped they wouldn't have to use it own her again, but she evidently had other plans. Charging the paddles again, Brown prepped the body again for another shock.  
  
"Clear!" Brown hit her with a charge of 60. Nothing.  
  
"Damn it! I'm not going to lose her! Continue CPR while I charge the paddles to 70 and give her 10cc of epinephrine."  
  
"Clear!" Another volt coursed through her body. Nothing.  
  
"Damn it Marine! Get your ass back here! It's not your time!" Brown charged the paddles again and with a silent prayer, shocked the lifeless marine.  
  
"Got her! We have a sinus rhythm! Thank you God! That's the way to fight marine. Never give up. Never surrender."  
  
Both ambulances pulled up to the ER at the same time. Since Mac was in critical condition, she was taken first. The paramedics didn't want to run the risk of her flatlining again. At least here, they can hopefully locate and diagnose all of her injuries.  
  
Mac was rushed through the doors and wheeled into exam room 1. Comm. Morris walked in and addressed the paramedics. "Who do we have here guys?"  
  
"White female, 36 years old involved in a MVA. She was driving a corvette that was T-boned on the driver's side. The corvette was then sandwiched between the SUV and a light pole. She was unconscious when we got there, and the firefighters had to use the Jaws of Life to get her out. She flatlined at the scene and en route here. We were able to get her back both times. She's received 10cc of epinephrine, and we started an IV. Blood pressure is 90/60 and her breath sounds and thin and raspy."  
  
"Was the driver restrained?"  
  
"Firefighters said she was wearing a seat belt, but he force of the impact caused it to break."  
  
"Ok. Thanks guys. I'll take it from here. By the way, what's her name?"  
  
"Her name is Sara Mackenzie. She's a LtCol. in the Marines."  
  
Turning to the nurse: "I need a CBC, Chem 7, and Blood Gas."  
  
"Right away Dr."  
  
Morris stepped up to Mac and began examining her. He began be listening to her lungs. He heard breath sounds on the right side, even though they were raspy. Her left side, however, concerned him. He could barely hear anything on her left side. He decided to do a central line to see if her lungs were punctured. Once the central line was in place, fluid immediately came out. "Just want I suspected. Nurse we need to secure this central line. Her lungs have collapsed."  
  
"Yes Dr."  
  
Morris then proceeded to her abdomen. It felt distended. He was starting not to like his patient's prognosis. "We are going to have to take her to surgery STAT. Her stomach is distended, and I still don't like her blood pressure. I'll finish my examination after the surgery."  
  
Morris was pretty sure a majority of her serious injuries would be internal. He noted that her left arm appeared to be broken. He also noticed she had a massive bruise that started from the top of her hip and extended down her thigh. He noted this so X-rays could be taken. His major concern rested with Mac's head. She was unconscious when they found her and has yet to regain consciousness. He knew she had flatlined twice, and he was unsure how long her brain was without oxygen. He also saw a major gash on the left side of her head. He planned to do a CAT scan once the surgery was over, and she was stable. He needed to make sure her brain wasn't swelling, because it could compound her other injuries.  
  
Addressing the nurses: "Ok everyone, here's what we're going to do. We need to get anesthesia to OR 1, because Mackenzie is going to surgery now. Once the surgery is complete, and she is stable, I need a CAT scan of her brain to check for swelling and bleeding. Also, X-rays are needed of her left arm, hip and leg. Once those tests are complete, we will set any breaks and clean and stitch all her wounds. It that clear?"  
  
"Yes sir!"  
  
"Well let's get to it."  
  
Mac was taken form the ER straight to surgery. Anesthesia was already there, and Mac was moved onto the surgical table. Once she was asleep, the surgical areas cleaned and prepped, the journey to save Mac's life began once again.  
  
"Scalpel."  
  
Back in the ER, Lt. Lescale was completing her exam of the driver of the SUV. After all the X-rays and bloodwork down on him, he was found to have a concussion, broken nose, sprained wrist, and a few of the cuts on his face and hands needed stitches. The Dr. wanted to keep him overnight for observation. He agreed since he was trying to avoid the inevitable. He knew he has to call someone, but was dreading it. The nurses and orderlies helped him to a room and left him to his own misery.  
  
'I really don't want to do this. What will people think of me now? It's all my fault. If only I wasn't in such a hurry to get here. Just look where it got me. One floor up from where I should be right now. Oh God! Please help me. Please give me the strength to make this phone call.' Lost in his own thoughts, he didn't realize Johnson and Smith walked in.  
  
"How are you doing, son?'  
  
"How do you think I'm doing? I not only risked my life to get here, but I may have just taken the life of someone I have worked with for many years!"  
  
"Is there someone we can call for you? You should have someone with you at a time like this."  
  
"No thank you, sir. I know who I need to call. He also had known Mac and I or quite some time. He will call the others to have them come too."  
  
"I guess Mac is some sort of nickname for Mackenzie." Smith stated.  
  
"Yeah it is. Now I don't mean to sound rude, and please forgive my previous outburst, but I have a phone call to make."  
  
"I understand, son. We will leave you to your phone call and go check up on Mac. We will come back and let you know what we find out."  
  
"Thank you. I would appreciate that."  
  
Johnson and Smith quietly exited the room and left the man to his own devises. Somehow, he found the courage. Picking up the phone, he dialed a familiar number. A man picked up of the second ring.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
His voice cracked as he answered the man. "Sorry to disturb you, sir. I need you to come to Bethesda ASAP."  
  
"Sturgis?!"

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Well there you have it. Congrats to the person who actually guess it was Sturgis. I'm sorry, I can't remember the name. I've been writting for the past 6 hours, and my head is about to explose. I'm surprised I remeber my own name. And everyone else was right. I couldn't do it to Harm, although my devilish mind sees the possiblities. Maybe my next fanfic. Now all you have to do is click that lilac button and reply. You know you want to. (evil grin) 


	4. What The Hell Is Going On?

AN: Thank you for all the reviews. I also want to thank traumaliz for correcting me. It is a chest tube they insert for a collapse lung. Sorry about the error, it's been a long time since I changed my major from pre-med. This is kind of a filler chapter. I wanted to put the JAG staff reactions before I bring Harm's.

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Steeling himself for what he knew was coming next, "yes sir. It's me."

"What's the matter, son? Why are you at Bethesda?"  
  
"For a few reasons, sir. Can you please come. I promise to fill you in once you arrive."  
  
"Ok. I'm on my way."  
  
"Oh, and admiral."  
  
"I'm not an admiral anymore, son. Just call me AJ."  
  
"Yes sir. Could you contact Bud and Harriet for me also? I think they should be here too."  
  
"What about Harm?"  
  
Now that was the 64 million dollar question. "I don't think it's wise to call him yet, AJ. I want a chance to fill everyone in before we call him."  
  
AJ was starting to put two and two together. Surely Sturgis would want his best friend at the hospital if he was hurt. Unless...... "Is Mac hurt?"  
  
"She is, sir, but I would rather fill you in once you arrive."  
  
"Ok. I'm walking at the door. I will call Bud and Harriet en route to the hospital."  
  
"Thank you AJ."  
  
With a silent click, the phone disconnected. Sturgis laid back on his bed and breathed a small sigh of relief. He knew the biggest battle was yet to come. The one he dreaded the most. Harm. How was he going to take it? What was he going to do to him when he found out? That's why Sturgis wanted AJ, Bud and Harriet there. If anything, they maybe able to keep Harm from killing him. He knew AJ would be able to control an angry Harmon Rabb. He wanted Bud and Harriet there because he knew how close they are to Mac, and she needs people here for her. He knows he maybe over dramatizing it a bit, but he hit the woman he loves, and she may not survive the night.  
  
It didn't take Sturgis long to figure out there was more than meets the eye with Harm and Mac when he first arrived at JAG. He could sense the tension when they were in the same room. Mac later confirmed his suspicions when they were working together. He often wondered if he should have kept that secret. Then again, he didn't want to deal with a pissed off marine. He figured she would figure out how to handle the situation and tell Harm how she felt.  
  
Then there was always Harm. He would never admit to Sturgis that he was in love with Mac. But then again, he didn't have to. A certain teenager let it slip after an afternoon of basketball a couple of weeks ago. He'll never forget the look on Harm's face when Mattie let it slip out.  
  
_Flashback  
  
Sturgis: "Great game Harm. You finally beat me." _

_Harm: "Yeah, I knew I was do for a win." _

_Sturgis: "So what are your plans this evening?" _

_Mattie: "Oh he's going over to Mac's to supposedly work on a case." _

_Harm: "What do you mean supposedly? That's exactly what I'm doing Mattie." _

_Mattie: "Yeah, sure. You just want to be alone with her."  
  
Sturgis was having way too much fun watching his best friend argue with a teenager.  
  
Harm: "Mattie. The admiral wants our preliminary report on his desk by 0800 Monday. We need to compare notes." _

_Mattie: "Yeah right, Harm. I'm sure that's all you want to do with her." _

_Harm: "Mathilda." _

_Mattie: "Don't Mathilda me, Harmon. I know your secret remember." _

_Harm: "Mattie this is neither the time nor the place for this conversation." _

_Mattie: "Why not?! Why don't you just tell her you love her? You told me you do!"  
  
Sturgis could hardly believe what he was hearing. He opened his mouth to say something, but he didn't get a chance.  
  
Harm: "You didn't hear that Sturgis. You got me?!"  
  
Sturgis knew better than to argue with Harm when he has that look in his eye, but he has to try.  
  
Sturgis: "I hate to tell you buddy, but I did." _

_Harm: "Look Sturgis. Mac and I are just starting to get our rhythm back. Besides, she's with Webb now." _

_Sturgis: "Do you honestly think she would stay with him if she knew how you felt?" _

_Harm: "Sturgis, all I care about is Mac's happiness. If she's happy with Webb, then I'm happy for her. _

_Sturgis: 'It's like beating a dead horse. "Alright, alright. I give up buddy, but just do you know, I think you should tell her. There may come a day when you'll never get a chance to tell her how you feel."  
  
End Flashback_  
  
How true was that last statement he told Harm that day. Of coarse, he didn't know he may be the reason Harm won't have that chance.  
  
Meanwhile, AJ was doing everything in his power to get to Bethesda quickly. Picking up his cell phone, AJ dialed the Roberts.  
  
"Roberts residence. AJ Roberts speaking."  
  
"Well hello AJ Roberts. This is Uncle AJ. Is your mommy or daddy home?"  
  
"Hi Uncle AJ. Mommy's here. You wanna talk to her?"  
  
"Yes I do."  
  
"Ok. MMOOMMMY, Uncle AJ's on the phone."  
  
"Thank you AJ. I think it's time for you bath, so go see daddy, sweetheart."  
  
"Aw nuts."  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Harriet"  
  
"Yes sir."  
  
"Listen Harriet. I'm not sure what's going on, but I need you and Bud to meet me at "Bethesda."  
  
"What's the matter sir? Is someone hurt?"  
  
"I would venture a guess that at least Mac is hurt. I'm not sure about anyone else. Sturgis is already there. He's the one that called me."  
  
"Oh my God. The Colonel's hurt! What about Harm, sir? Should we contact him?"  
  
"Sturgis asked that we didn't. He wanted to explain the situation before we call him. I'm thinking it's not good."  
  
"Ok, sir. I can drop the boys off at the babysitter, and Bud and I will meet you at the hospital."  
  
"See you there Harriet."  
  
"Bye, sir."  
  
Harriet hung up with AJ and immediately ran up the stairs to Bud. He just finished bathing AJ and was about to put them to bed. He turned around and saw his wife's face. Tears were running down her cheeks, and she was trembling.

"Harriet, baby what's wrong."  
  
"The admiral just called. He needs us to get Bethesda. The Colonel's been hurt." With that, she fell into her husband's arms and began to cry.  
  
"It's ok, honey. Everything will be alright. Did he say how bad she was hurt?"  
  
"He didn't know for sure. All he knows is that she's hurt, and Sturgis is already there."  
  
"What's Sturgis doing at the hospital with the Colonel?"  
  
"I don't know, but we need to get the boys to the babysitters and get there as soon as possible."  
  
Harriet and Bud quickly dressed the boys and dropped them off at the babysitters. All the way to the hospital, Harriet kept a firm grip on her husband's hand. He was her lifeline. She knew he would be strong for her when they find out the extent of Mac's injuries. She also knew they needed to be there for Harm. If they didn't want him to know just yet, she knew Mac had to be seriously hurt. She could see the love they shared for each other, but they were too afraid to admit it. "Please let it not be too late for them." She remembered when Bud lost his leg. Both Harm and Mac refused to leave Bud's side, going as far as disobeying the Admiral's order. Mac and Harm were there for them every step of the way. Now it was their turn. They would not let their friends down.  
  
Bud and Harriet parked the van and ran into the hospital. Once inside, they spotted AJ. He was involved in a very heated discussion with a Lt.  
  
"I don't give a damn about your rules, Lt.! I was called by Sturgis Turner and was asked to come to the hospital ASAP! Now I want to know what the hell is going on with LtCol. Mackenzie now."  
  
"I'm sorry admiral, but if you are not listed on her emergency contact card. A Comm. Harmon Rabb, Jr. is. I was just about to call him."  
  
"Don't you dare pick up that phone, Lt.! That's an order! 'Hell, she doesn't need to know I'm no longer in the Navy.' "I will contact the Comm. personally."  
  
"Yes sir."  
  
Bud and Harriet watched the scene unfolded. They knew the Admiral hated to be left in the dark. Harriet decided to take another approach.  
  
"Sir, if I may?"  
  
"Be my guest Harriet."  
  
"Ma'am, do you have a patient by the name of Sturgis Turner?"  
  
"And you are?"  
  
"I'm Lt. Harriet Simms. Comm. Turner is a friend and colleague of ours. As the admiral stated, he contacted him to come here. Can't you help us out?"  
  
The Lt. thought about it for a moment. She decided to give them a helping hand. "Let me check ma'am. Give me a moment."  
  
"Thank you very much."  
  
"Here it is. Comm. Turner is in room 3245B. You can take the elevators to your left."  
  
"Thank you Lt."  
  
Harriet walked back to where AJ and Bud were standing and informed them of the news. "I'm afraid it's a little worse than we thought. Sturgis is a patient here also."  
  
"What?! What ever gave you that idea, Lt.?"  
  
"Well, sir, I couldn't really think of a reason why Sturgis and the Colonel would both be at Bethesda at the same time unless they were both patients here."  
  
"Well lets move people. It's time to find out what the hell is going on here."  
  
All three made there way to the elevators in silence. Once the elevator stopped, they stepped off the made their journey Sturgis' room. AJ was the first to knock, and after hearing Sturgis tell them to come in, they walked in. They took the site before them. Sturgis had a cast on his nose, his wrist was wrapped, and it looked like he had several stitches.  
  
AJ walked up to Sturgis. "Care to tell me what the hell is going on here Sturgis

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Well here it is. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I liked writting it. Now all you have to do is hit that little lilac button and review. You know you want to. (evil grin) 


	5. Where Is Everybody?

AN: Thank you so much for hte reviews everyone. I finally got this computer to work so I could see everyone's reviews. Thanks to all who gave me a heads up on all the medical mistakes I made. Some were done on purpose, and some weren't. Thanks for keeping me honset. Well the crisis has been averted, and without further waiting....here is the next chapter. Enoy.

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It took Sturgis a moment to take in the expressions of the people who entered the room. Etched in each face was concern. Concern for who he wondered. Would they still worry about him once they found out what happened? Taking a deep breath, he started his tale.  
  
"There was a car accident tonight. I was on my way to Bethesda and wasn't aware of my surroundings. I could have sworn the light was green. It must have just turned red right as I entered to intersection. I'm not sure. Everything is a little fuzzy right now. Next thing I know, I slammed into a car. I smashed the car between my car and a light pole.  
  
Sturgis took a moment to gauge the audience. Each of them looked so confused, and confused they were. Each was trying to figure out just how did all the pieces fit together. What did Sturgis' accident have to do with Mac? That's when it hit them. Sturgis could see the understanding dawning on them. With that understanding came fear and worry. Sturgis expected them to be worried about Mac, but what he didn't expect so soon was anger.  
  
"You mean to tell me that because of your carelessness, you hit Mac's car?!" AJ made it more of a statement then a question.  
  
Sturgis couldn't meet him in the eye. "You are correct sir, but I wasn't careless."  
  
"Then what the hell were you?"  
  
"As I said earlier, I was on my way here. I'm sorry, sir. I guess I was careless to an extent. I should have been more aware of what was going on."  
  
Harriet chose that moment to speak up. "Why were you on your way here, sir?"  
  
"I received a call form Bethesda while I was on my way to Harm's to return his SUV. They said my father had a massive heart attack, and they didn't know if he would survive the night. I'm so sorry. My emotions got the best of me. I wanted to get he so bad, that I did whatever it took to get here as quickly as possible."  
  
Sturgis could see the anger dissipate before his eyes as he watched Bud and Harriet. AJ, however, was harder to read. Sturgis could never read AJ's expression. Sturgis waited in silence as his colleagues absorbed the information. AJ was the one who broke the silence.  
  
"So let me get this straight. You get a phone call about your dad while on the way to Harm's, you rush to Bethesda, and end up colliding with Mac. Did I miss anything?"  
  
"No, sir. That sounds like all of it."  
  
Harriet couldn't wait any longer. She had to know.  
  
"Well what about the Colonel?! Is she alive?! Where is she?!" Harriet burst into sobs and turned into her husband's shoulder.  
  
"Sshh, sweetheart. It's gong to be ok. Everything has a way of working out." Bud attempted to sooth his wife, but it was no use. She was so worried about her friend that she couldn't get control of her emotions.  
  
AJ turned to his junior officers. "Bud, why don't you take Harriet to the restroom to freshen up. Then you both can go check up on Mac. You had better luck than me last time."  
  
"Yes sir. Come on, honey. Lets go get you cleaned up and see what we can find out about the Colonel." Bud wrapped his arm around his wife and escorted her to the nearest restroom. Once they were gone, AJ turned back to Sturgis. His expression had softened a little, but Sturgis still couldn't read his face. AJ pulled up a chair and sat next to him.  
  
"How are you holding up, son?"  
  
"Honestly, I feel like shit, sir. I haven't even had a chance to find out about my father. He could be dead for all I know. I tried to get a nurse to find out, but she hasn't gotten back to me yet."  
  
AJ was about to say something but was cut off.  
  
"Then to make matters worse, I end up slamming into someone I know. Someone who just so happened to be the object of my best friend's affections. God, AJ, what am I going to do? I'm so torn up inside. It's like trying to juggle three things with one hand while blindfolded. Part of me is worried about my father, another is worried about Mac, and the last part of me is worried about Harm. I know how he feels about Mac, sir. He's just too stubborn to do anything about it."  
  
This time, AJ was able to cut him off. He was never very good at being emotional of fatherly to anyone. His staff at JAG was as close as he ever got to a family. He knew he would be leaving them soon to go with Francesca, but a small part of him would remain there forever.  
  
"Now you listen here, Sturgis. Now is not he time for a pity party. You need to concentrate on getting better, and I'll take care of the rest. There's nothing you can do to change what's happened. We are here now to take care of all of you, so try not to worry."  
  
Sturgis couldn't help but worry.  
  
"But what about Harm, sir?"  
  
"Like I said. I'll handle the Comm. Now you get some rest, and I'll go find out about your father."  
  
Patting Sturgis on the shoulder, AJ left the room. Once outside, he leaned against the wall and sighed.  
  
"What a big, fucking mess."  
  
He made his way over to the nurse's station. "Excuse me. I was wondering if you could help me. Comm. Turner was trying to find out about his father. He was brought in suffering a heart attack?"  
  
"Oh, I remember him, let me see what I can find out, sir."  
  
While AJ was getting the information on Sturgis' father, Bud and Harriet were trying their luck with getting information on Mac. Harriet walked up to the Lt. who helped her earlier.  
  
"Hello, Lt. I was wondering if you could do me one more flavor."  
  
"What can I do for you ma'am?"  
  
"We were able to locate Comm. Turner and was told what happened to LtCol. Mackenzie. We know we aren't family, but we are as close to family as she has. You see Comm. Turner was the one who hit her ma'am, and we all are very concerned about her. Is there anything you can tell us?"  
  
The nurse hesitated for a moment and responded. "I'm usually not suppose to do this, but let me see what I can find out. Oh here she is. She's in surgery right now, ma'am. That's all the computer has on her for now. I'm sorry. I really wish there was more I could tell you."  
  
"Thank you, Lt. You've told us enough. At least we know she's alive." Bud and Harriet left the nurse and started to make their way back to the room.  
  
"Oh Bud. What are they going to do? What if she doesn't survive. I know they love each other. This can't be the end of them. They never even had a chance to begin."  
  
Tears were flowing again from Harriet's eyes. Bud pulled her into a hug and tried to reassure her.  
  
"Don't worry Harriet. The Colonel will pull through. You'll see. Then you can start up your matchmaking again."  
  
That, at least, brought a smile to her face.  
  
"Oh Bud. What am I going to do with you?"  
  
Hand in hand, Bud and Harriet made their way back to the elevator.  
  
Little did everyone know, Harm was about to be brought into the picture a little sooner than expected.  
  
Harm's was pacing his apartment, frustration oozing out of every pore.  
  
"Damn it! Why isn't she answering her cell phone?" 'Probably because she's pissed at you. It's not like you two parted on good terms.'  
  
"Well Sturgis just called and said he was 5 minutes away, so I'll just wait for him. Then I'm going after Mac. This isn't over yet Marine. Oh God look at me, I've been driven to having a conversation with myself. I really must be loosing it."  
  
Thirty minutes and 20 phone calls later. Harm slammed his phone down. "Damn it! Where the hell is he! Well, I'll just leave a note for him. I need to get to Mac. Something doesn't feel right."  
  
Taping a letter to his door, Harm walked out of his apartment and to Sturgis's car. He had to laugh when he saw it the first time. It didn't look like Sturgis would fit in it, and he knew he certainly didn't. Sighing, he got in and turned the ignition. Pulling out, he couldn't shake this feeling inside. 'I just need to see her. I have a funny feeling something is wrong. I also need to apologize to her. I was a real asshole tonight.' Harm was about 5 blocks from his apartment when he saw it.  
  
"That looks like my car! Wait an minute! That is my car." He pulled the car over, slammed it into park, and rushed over to the policeman and tow truck driver.  
  
"Excuse me, officer. Can you tell me what happened here?"  
  
"There was an accident today. This SUV hit another car and rammed it into a light post."  
  
"Oh my God! Are the driver's ok?"  
  
"All I know is that they were taken to the hospital. Why are you so concerned?"  
  
"Because that is my car."  
  
"How do you know it's yours?"  
  
"Look, sir. My name is Comm. Harmon Rabb. I lent my car to a friend, and I'm telling you that's my car. That's my license plate and military decal on it."  
  
"Ok Comm. Rabb. I trust you have some ID on you."  
  
Harm reached into his wallet, pulled out his ID, and handed it to the officer.  
  
"Thank you Comm. I was about to call you actually. I had pulled out your papers from the glove compartment. I just needed to make sure it was you. By the way, who was driving you car. It wasn't stolen was it?"  
  
"I understand, sir. You can never be too careful nowadays. No, it wasn't stolen. I lent I to a friend for the weekend. He was actually on his way here when I guess the accident happened. So is there anything else you can tell me about the people involve?"  
  
"I apologize for not having a lot of knowledge of the scene. I just got on duty, and I'm getting second hand information. Well let's see. You already know the man driving the SUV. They said he wasn't hurt too bad. Looks like a broken nose, mild concussion possibly and some cuts and scrapes. Now the lady involved is another matter. They say she was hurt real bad. Actually flatlined on them. She has way too many possible injuries for me to mention. That's about all I have right now. Since you are here, what do you want to do with you car."  
  
"Can I have I towed to this garage. I have a space there."  
  
"Sure no problem." The officer started to walk off, but Harm called him back.  
  
"Excuse me, sir. Was the driver of the SUV taken to Bethesda?"  
  
"Yes he was."  
  
"Thank you very much for all your help."  
  
Harm jumped back into Sturgis' car and made his way to Bethesda. He said a silent prayer that Sturgis was ok. He was just starting to mellow out, and Harm didn't want to see that disappear. Harm jumped out of the car and ran into the emergency room. He found the nurse's station and got the attention of the same nurse that had just helped Bud and Harriet.  
  
"Excuse me Lt. I'm looking for Comm. Sturgis Turner. I was told he was brought here."  
  
"And you are, sir?"  
  
"Comm. Harmon Rabb?"  
  
"Oh Comm. Rabb. I see your friends were able to get in touch with you."  
  
"What do you mean, Lt.?"  
  
"Well they asked me not to call you about LtCol. Mackenzie, sir. They would do that."  
  
"WHAT!!! WHAT ABOUT MAC?!"  
  
Harm screamed so loud that the whole hospital could have heard him. Bud and Harriet turned just in time to see the red flush Harm's face.  
  
Bud and Harriet called to him at the same time.  
  
"Comm.!"  
  
Harm recognized their voices immediately and made his way over to them. With arms folded over his chest, he addressed them.  
  
"You mind telling me what the hell is going on here?! What's happen to Mac, and where is Sturgis?!"

* * *

Well I hope everyone enjoyed it. I know I enjoyed writting it. I know it's longer than the previous, but I needed to set up the stage for what you all have been asking for. Harm's reaction. I will have it for you all next chapter. Now all you have to do is hit that little lilac button and review. You know you want to. (evil grin) 


	6. What's Going On Here?

AN: Thanks again for the reviews. I hhope everyone is enjoying my little saga. I'm not sure how long I will keep this going. I hope everyone is still with me when I finally finish this.

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Both Bud and Harriet exchanged a quick glance. The last thing they ever wanted to do was have to tell an obviously bewildered Harmon Rabb that Mac was injured. Each tried to think of what to tell him, but words were lost on them. All they could do was stare.  
  
'Why are they staring at me? They seem so nervous. Why would they be nervous to talk to me. Unless.....something must be seriously be wrong with Mac! What if she's dead? No, she can't be dead! I never got the chance to apologize for hurting her again. I never got a chance to tell her I love her.' Harm was beginning to not like where his thoughts were heading.  
  
"Would someone please answer me please? You two are starting to worry me."  
  
Harm's voice must have snapped them out of their thoughts, because they both responded at the same time.  
  
"Uh...sir...We...uh..."  
  
"Well spit it out you two!"  
  
Bud was able to get his bearings first.  
  
"Maybe it would be best if you heard it from Comm. Turner, sir."  
  
"Why would I want to talk to Sturgis? What does he have to do with....." Harm's voice died out as realization dawned on him. 'Sturgis was on his way to drop off my car about the same time Mac stormed out my apartment. The officer stated that a female was involved, but the car wasn't at the scene. They must have already towed it before I got there. It all fits now.'  
  
Bud and Harriet could tell the precise moment Harm figured it out. The emotions flew through his eyes so fast neither could keep up with them. Neither could think of what to do now. They knew he has a right to know what happened to her, but it wasn't their place to tell him. As luck would have it, they didn't have to make the decision. The elevator opened up, and AJ stepped off right into Bud.  
  
"I was just coming down to look for you two. What is taking so long? I wanted to find out how....." AJ's voice died as he saw the reason they were held up.  
  
"Harm. You're here."  
  
Harm was still trying to comprehend what was going on, but was able to find his voice.  
  
"Yes sir. I was on my way to Mac's when I saw my car. The officer told me what he knew about the accident and that Sturgis was brought here. Please, sir. You have to tell me. What happened to Mac? Is she alive? I know Sturgis hit her, but I don't know if she's alive. The police did mention she flatlined. Please AJ. I have to know!" Harm's eyes glazed over with unshed tears. He wasn't the begging type, but he would do anything to find out how she was.  
  
AJ threw a quick glance at Bud and Harriet. His look said it all. He thought they told Harm about Mac. He made a mental note to deal with them later. Harm must have seen the look, because he came to their defense immediately.  
  
"Don't be mad at them, sir. They didn't tell me. I figured it out. Hell, all they told me was to talk to Sturgis."  
  
"You really should talk to him, Harm. He was the one there."  
  
That's when Harm snapped.  
  
"I know damn good and well he was there! I also know that he didn't even pick up the fucking phone to let me know what happened! I wonder why that is? Let me guess. He didn't want to tell me! He wanted you to do it! That coward! Wait till I get my hands on him!"  
  
AJ stepped directly in front of Harm and glared at him.  
  
"And just what do you think you're going to do, Harm? You don't even know the whole story yet, and you're ready to pass judgment! Did you ever stop to think there was a reason for the accident? Huh? Did you? Of course not. As always, you let your emotions get in the way of your logic."  
  
It took Harm a moment to digest what he was told. He knew AJ was right. He knew he was being too emotional about this. But this was Mac damn it! This was his Sarah. How could he not be emotional about her? She is his everything. He can't imaging his life without her in it. He was just so scared to find out what was wrong with her!  
  
"You're right, sir. I'm sorry for overreacting. It's just this is all so sudden. One minute we were arguing, and she's walking out my door. The next minute, I'm here and don't even know if she's ok"  
  
"It's ok, son. I understand. I honestly can't tell you what's going on with Mac. The nurse wouldn't give me any information. I wasn't listed on Mac's emergency contact card. You were. I was on my way down here to talk to Bud and Harriet. I sent them down here to find out any news."  
  
"Oh, I see. Mac and I listed each other on our emergency contact cards when we were sent to Afghanistan. I had changed mine when I was reinstated. Mac and I weren't on the best of terms then. Besides, I figured she had Webb on hers. Lot of good it would do. I just changed mine last week after the Dining Out. She never told me if she had to change hers or not. I guess I have my answer now."  
  
Harm didn't know why he had told everyone that. Maybe he was trying to give his brain a chance to catch up, or maybe he just wanted to explain to them covertly how he was trying to change his relationship with Mac.  
  
Bud decided to speak up at this time. He could tell the tension had dissipated some and figured he could help ease Harm's mind a little.  
  
"Well, sir. We know she is alive, but she's in surgery right now. The nurse didn't have any more information than that."  
  
"Thanks Bud for the information. I'm going to let the nurse know where I will be should Mac come out of surgery before I get back."  
  
"Where are you going, sir?"  
  
"To see Sturgis."  
  
All three exchanged a hesitant glance as Harm walked off. Each didn't know if Harm should see Sturgis in his current emotional state.  
  
Harm walked up to the nurse that helped him earlier.  
  
"Excuse me, Lt. I wanted to apologize for my previous outburst. It was uncalled for."  
  
"It's ok, sir. It's quite understandable. I assumed you knew about the Colonel. What can I do for you?"  
  
"I will be in Comm. Turner's room should LtCol. Mackenzie get out of surgery before I get back."  
  
"No problem, sir. I'll make note of it. I hope she's ok, Comm."  
  
"You and me both Lt. Thank you.."  
  
Harm turned around and made his way back to the others. He noticed the expressions on their faces.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Harm. Do you think it's wise for you to go see Sturgis in the state you're in?" "AJ. I'm not going to hurt him. You were right earlier. I need to find out what happened."  
  
"Ok, son. Let's go."  
  
All four turned around and got in the elevator. Each saying a silent prayer for everything to be alright.

* * *

Well here's another installment. Everyone wanted to see how Harm reacted, and here it is, or is it? My little voice is telling me there maybe more to this. Now all you have to do is hit that lilac buttong and review. You know you what to. (evil grin) 


	7. Who's To Blame?

AN: Thanks again for the reviews. I promise to update as soon as I reattach my hands. This chapter took me a while to write. I hope you enjoy.

* * *

The ride in the elevator seemed like it took an eternity. Each passenger was in his/her own world.  
  
AJ was concerned about Mac, but at the moment was concerned about Harm and Sturgis. AJ could understand Sturgis' need to get to the hospital. Hell, he would have done the same thing. He knew Sturgis expect to get into an accident. Much less hit someone he knew. To make matters worse for him, it was Mac he hit. Sturgis was right about the relationship these two share. He had seen the spark the first day they met. He told them not to get too close, and they listened. He wondered if he really should have told them that. There was no denying the love these two shared. If only one of them would admit it to the other.  
  
AJ glanced in Harm's direction and didn't like what he saw. Every emotion imaginable flashed across his face. What worried AJ the most though were his eyes. The looked so empty. Like a piece of him was missing. The spark was no longer there. He knew Harm had always been driven by his emotions. Just look at Paraguay. He actually resigned his commission to go after Mac. He knew Harm was trying to keep a tight lid on his emotions, but those lids seem to always break when Mac is concerned. He wondered if he was doing the right thing by letting Harm see Sturgis. In the end, he decided it was for the best, and Harm needed to know.  
  
Meanwhile, Bud and Harriet were concerned for their friends, especially Harm and Mac. There has always been a special connection between the four of them. They each thought back to when they asked harm and Mac to be the godparents to little AJ. It was such a happy event. The look Harm and Mac shared at the christening was priceless. You would have thought it was their baby. They each had their own separate memories also.  
  
Bud thought back to when he first cam to JAG. Harm and Mac took him under their wing and helped guide him to become the lawyer he is today. Every memory he had, one of them was involved. They were such an integral part of his life that he didn't know what he would do without them.  
  
Harriet remembered the first time she met Harm and Mac, too. She was stationed on a carrier, and even then, she could see the bond these two shared. She jumped forward to just a few months ago when little AJ was missing. Both were so worried that they even sent Bud home to be with her. Inside her mind, she couldn't picture two people who were meant for each other. Hopefully, it wasn't too late.  
  
Then there was Harm. Harm felt like his insides were being torn apart. On one hand, there was Sturgis. One the other was Mac. He had know Sturgis for 22 years. Sturgis had bailed him and Keeter out of so many things while at the academy. This was the same person who helped him restore his vette. The same one who played basketball with him. How was he suppose to get past this. He knows they always say forgive and forget, but could he? He hit Mac! Mac! Not just some stranger on the street. This was the woman he loved! Worry couldn't begin to describe the emotions coursing though him. He can't even imagine his life without her. The last words they spoke to each other were so full of anger. God he wished he could take it all back.  
  
_Flashback  
  
It was the weekend after the Dining Out. Mac was still sore, but feeling much better. She and Harm made plans to get together to discuss what the doctor had said, and explore options. Sturgis had come over that morning to pick up Harm's car. Sturgis had lost a case to Harm, and as punishment, had to have Harm's car completely detailed. Harm had everything planned out to perfection. He knew Mac is probably more sore than she care to admit, so he planned a simple evening. He ran over to Blockbuster and rented a bunch of Mac's favorite movies. He was also fixing one of her favorite dinners, veal parmesan and garlic butter pasta. For dessert, he had crème brulee. It was something he hadn't made before, and there was not time like the present to try. He also had bought some shrimp at the store for him. He had just finished peeling the shrimp and setting the veal to marinate in buttermilk when Mac knocked.  
  
Walking to the door, he took in the site before him. Mac was dressed in a silver button-down blouse and black jeans. She had let her hair down and added some waves to it. Harm could hardly breathe much less speak. Mac broke him out of his reverie.  
  
"You know you should take a picture, Harm. It would last longer."  
  
Blushing, Harm answered her. "I'm sorry, Mac. You look beautiful. Please come in."  
  
"Thank you. You don't look so bad yourself, sailor."  
  
He certainly didn't. Mac could barely contain the gasp that escaped her throat when she saw him. He was dressed in a ribbed navy blue shirt and blue jeans. Both garments fit him like a glove. Mac marveled at how it accentuated his muscular chest, and those jeans! They just completed the package, hugging his six nice and tight.  
  
Harm closed and locked the door, and turned to Mac.  
  
"I hope you brought your appetite."  
  
Mac cocked an eyebrow at him.  
  
"I know. I know. Stupid question. Why don't you take a seat on the couch? Mattie let me borrow her TV and DVD player, so I rented some movies. Are you thirsty? I have water and soda if you want."  
  
He knew he was rambling. He had never been this nervous before. Tonight was the night he was going to tell Mac how he felt. He was praying she wouldn't shoot him down though.  
  
'He looks so cute when he's nervous. I guess I'll be nice to him. "Water will be fine, thanks."  
  
Harm brought her a bottle of water and sat next to her.  
  
"So...I know...we...uh...wanted to talk tonight. Did you want to do that now or wait till after dinner?"  
  
"Why don't we wait till after dinner? I think better on a full stomach."  
  
"That's my marine."  
  
"Your marine, huh?"  
  
"Uh...yeah. You mind?"  
  
"Not at all."  
  
"Good. I'll go get dinner started. It should be ready in an hour."  
  
"What are we having?"  
  
"It's a surprise."  
  
"Oh, I like surprises."  
  
"I know."  
  
Harm got up and started dinner. Mac had tried several times to sneak into the kitchen to either help or find out what's for dinner. Harm finally set up a place for her to make the salad. Once everything was finished, they sat down to eat.  
  
"Oh Harm. This is delicious, and it's one of my favorites. Thank you so much."  
  
"My pleasure, Mac. I couldn't very well have a hungry marine over could I?"  
  
"No. I don't think that would be in your best interest."  
  
That's the way it went through the whole dinner. They were so at ease with each other. So comfortable to be spending time together. After dessert, which Mac loved, they sat on the couch facing each other.  
  
"I did rent some of you favorite movies if you prefer to do that instead of..."  
  
His voice trailed off. Not wanting to finish the sentence.  
  
"We can watch movies later, Harm. Right now we need to talk."  
  
"Ok."  
  
"Did you have a chance to think about what I asked?"  
  
How could he not think about it?! It was all he ever thought about. Mac actually decided to take him up on going halves on a child. She told him that doctor said she had endometriosis, and it could hurt her chances of getting pregnant. The doctor advised her that she should start now if she wanted a baby. She asked Harm how he wanted to go about conceiving. The doctor said there were a few options, but conceiving the natural way was the best. There was also artificial insemination and invitro fertilization. In his heart, he wanted to conceive a child naturally. Not be artificial means. He wanted a child conceived in love. Their love. 'But what if she doesn't feel the same way?' That's what his biggest worry was.  
  
"Yeah, I did."  
  
"And?"  
  
"Well I'm not sure, Mac. I know what I want , but I'm not sure if we could do it."  
  
"Well what is it?"  
  
"I want a child naturally, Mac. Not a child conceived by artificial means."  
  
Mac had to swallow the lump that now formed in her throat. This is what she had dreamed he would say.  
  
"Ok. So what's the problem?"  
  
"Well...I...uh..." 'Damn it why can't I just spit it out! It's so easy! Come on Rabb, all you have to do is tell her. It's because you love her, and want to spend the rest of you life with her. You don't want just a child. You want the whole package.'  
  
"Harm?"  
  
"I'm sorry. Just zoned out a bit. I don't know how to say this." "Why don't you try the straight forward approach."  
  
"I...Well you see, Mac..."  
  
Harm's voice stopped at that precise moment. This was it. This is when he was going to tell her how he felt. The problem was that he was scared to death. He didn't want to lose what they were just starting to get back.  
  
While Harm was trying to put his thoughts together, Mac was getting slightly frustrated. 'What the hell is taking him so long. After all, he was the one who put the offer back on the table. I'm not asking him to make a commitment. Although that is what I want. I want him to be a part of the baby's life in everyway.  
  
"Harm, just spit it out."  
  
Harm's own frustrations were starting to surface.  
  
"I'm trying. Can't you give me a moment?"  
  
"What's so hard to say that you need to take 7 minutes and 45 seconds to figure out how to say it?"  
  
Harm felt like pulling his hair out. This is not how he planned for this conversation to go, but damn she can be so infuriating.  
  
"Mac, I'm trying to figure out how to tell you what I want!"  
  
His voice was now starting to rise. Leave it to Mac to not take that kind of crap from him.  
  
"I just don't see what's so difficult. You said the deal still stands. You said you wanted to have a baby naturally. What else is there?"  
  
"How about how are we going to raise the baby? Where is the baby going to live? How will we take care of the baby? That's what else!"  
  
"Harm those are things we can discuss after we agree on how to have this baby. Of course the baby will live with me since I plan to breast feed...and..."  
  
Mac didn't even get a chance to finish her sentence because Harm jumped in.  
  
"Why should the baby get to stay with just you, Mac. Damn it I want to be apart of the baby's life! Not just some sperm donor!"  
  
"Harmon Rabb you can be so infuriating sometimes. I never said you couldn't be a part of the baby's life!"  
  
"Well isn't that the pot calling the kettle black!"  
  
"What is that suppose to mean."  
  
"You figure it out!"  
  
"You know what. I'm not going to do this with you! I am sick and tired of trying to justify myself to you. Hell, you won't even let me finish what I was trying to tell you earlier. If you would have given me a chance I would have told you...No. Forget. It's not worth it. I'm not going to pass up my one chance to have a baby because we can't have a civilized conversation. Goodbye Harmon Rabb."  
  
With tears flowing down her cheeks, Mac stormed out of his apartment.  
  
End Flashback  
  
_The sound of the elevator stopping on Sturgis's floor brought them back to reality. Walking up to Sturgis's door, AJ turned around to face Harm.  
  
"Let me go in first, Harm. He's not expecting you so soon."  
  
"Sure AJ. Whatever you want."  
  
Something wasn't right here. AJ looked into Harm's eyes once again, and saw something he never saw before. Guilt. AJ couldn't help but wonder where that came from. Harm seems so different now. His shoulders and slumped over and his head is so low it's dragging on the ground. Something happened to him while we were on the elevator.  
  
"Mr. Roberts, can I see you for a moment?"  
  
"Certainly, sir."  
  
Stepping into another hallway, AJ addressed his junior officer.  
  
"Bud, try to talk to Harm. Something's definitely eating at him."  
  
"I noticed it too, sir. It's as if he feels guilty about something."  
  
"Just see what you can find out Bud."  
  
"Yes, sir"  
  
Both walked back to Harriet and Harm.  
  
"I'm going in to talk to Sturgis."  
  
"Harriet, would you mind getting me and the Comm. Some coffee?" Bud glanced at his wife hoping she would pick up on the unspoken message.  
  
"Sure. I'll be right back."  
  
"Sir, what's wrong? You seem different."  
  
"Right now Bud, I can't even put it into words. At first, I wanted to kill Sturgis when I found out he hit Mac. Part of me is still pissed at him, but not as much anymore."  
  
"What's changed, sir?"  
  
"Before Mac got into the accident. We had a major fight. It's my fault. I never gave her a chance to speak, and I couldn't weave two words together to tell her how I feel. It's all my fault Bud. If we hadn't been fighting, she wouldn't have stormed out of my apartment and got hit by Sturgis. What am I going to do Bud? I can't lose her! I love her!"  
  
With that, the dam broke and Harm started to cry. Bud had no idea what to do. He had never seen Harm cry before. Lucky for him, Harriet chose that moment to walk up with the coffee. Taking in the scene before her, she handed Bud the coffee and took Harm into her arms.  
  
"It's ok, sir. Everything will be ok."  
  
"Oh God! What have I done?!"  
  
Harm continued to cry as AJ spoke to Sturgis.  
  
"I was able to get some information about your dad."  
  
"Is he ok."  
  
"It appears that he will be Sturgis. They found two blocked arteries leading into his heart. The we're able to give him some medicine to dissolve the clots. They have him in ICU just in case."  
  
"Oh thank God."  
  
"I also came to tell you that Harm's here."  
  
"What?!"  
  
"Evidently he was going to see Mac, and he saw his SUV. The cops filled him in. Once he got here, he put two and two together and figured it all out."  
  
"You mean he knows I hit Mac?"  
  
"Yes he does, but he doesn't know the reasons for it. You should be the one to tell him."  
  
"Ok, sir. Is he outside the door?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Well lets get this over with."  
  
"Ok."  
  
AJ walked out and was shocked by what he saw. Here was Harm crying on Harriet's shoulder.  
  
"Jesus, Bud what did you do?"  
  
"Nothing, sir. I asked what was wrong, and he said that he and the Colonel had a big fight tonight, and she left his apartment. He's blaming himself for the accident because of the argument."  
  
"Oh for crying out loud."  
  
AJ walked up to Harm and Harriet.  
  
"Harm?"  
  
Quickly straightening up and wiping the tears from his eyes, "sir."  
  
"Are you going to be ok, son?"  
  
"Honestly, I don't know, sir. That all depends on Mac."  
  
"It'll work out for the best, Harm. Now are you ready to see Sturgis?"  
  
"Ready as I'll ever be."  
  
AJ let Harm step pass him and walk into Sturgis' room. Harm tentatively walked up to the side of the bed.  
  
"Hey."  
  
"Hey."  
  
"How are you feeling."  
  
"Like shit. You?"  
  
"Likewise."  
  
"Harm. I'm so sorry."  
  
"What the hell happened, Sturgis?"  
  
"I was on my way to drop off your car when I got a call from Bethesda. Harm, my dad had a heart attack. They told me to get here as fast as I can. I was going through the intersection by your house doing speeds that would get me arrested. Next thing I know, I slammed into Mac's car and rammed her into a light pole. God, Harm. I'm so sorry. I didn't know it was her. I was just trying to get to my dad. I would never have tried to hurt her, Harm. You've got to believe me."  
  
Tears were running down Sturgis' face as he relived the accident. Harm took a few minutes to take in what Sturgis said before responding.  
  
"I do believe you Sturgis. I know you would never hurt Mac intentionally. I just don't know if I can let it go just yet. You know how I feel about her, Sturgis. I don't know if she will even survive the surgery. I can't imagine my life without her."  
  
"I know, buddy. I'm not asking for you forgiveness. All I am asking for is your understanding. Maybe someday, you can forgive me."  
  
"Yeah, someday. Look I'm just as much to blame for tonight than your are."  
  
"Pardon?"  
  
"You see. Mac and I..."  
  
Harm never got a chance to finish because AJ, Bud and Harriet rushed in.  
  
"Harm. It's Mac!"

* * *

Well here is the next installment. I already have 28 typed pages. My papers in grad school weren't this long, and I didn't enjoy writing them as much as I like writing this. So what did you all think of Harm's reaction. I couldn't see him beating the crap out of Sturgis. Although he may do that later. I could see him finding a way to blame himself. And to everyone who is wondering. No, I will not kill Mac, and you will find out how she is doing next chapter. 


	8. How Am I Going To Deal With This?

AN: Judging by the response, I would say the last chapter was a success. Thanks again for the reviews. I will not hold you all with my rambling, since everyone wants to know what happens to Mac. So here it is.

* * *

Harm turned around and addressed the crowd.  
  
"What is it?! What about Mac?!"  
  
"Sir the doctor's here. He was the one who operated on the Colonel."  
  
"Sorry, Sturgis. We'll have to finish this later. I have to go find out about Mac."  
  
"Sure thing, buddy."  
  
Harm turned and was making his way towards the door when Sturgis called him."  
  
"Harm?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"I'm truly and sorry. I hope she's ok."  
  
"Me too, Sturgis. Me too."  
  
Harm walked out and was flanked be his friends. He walked up to the doctor who introduced himself.  
  
"Comm. Rabb I presume. My name is Comm. Morris. I was the doctor who performed LtCol. Mackenzie's surgery."  
  
"How is she, doctor?"  
  
"Why don't we step into my office. It's more private."  
  
"Lead the way."  
  
The group made their way to Comm. Morris' office. Everyone could feel the tension engulfing him/her. There was also a sense of foreboding that no one wanted to acknowledge. Once they reached the door, Morris addressed the group.  
  
"If you all would wait here, I would like a moment to talk to Comm. Rabb in private."  
  
Bud, Harriet, and AJ started to move out of Harm's way, but he stopped them.  
  
"If it's ok with you Comm., I would like for them to be present. They're just as much a part of Mac's family as I am."  
  
"Well, if you're sure. Come on inside. Some of you will have to stand though."  
  
"Not a problem."  
  
Everyone made his/her way into the Comm.'s office. Harm and AJ took the chairs, while Bud and Harriet remained behind them.  
  
"What can you tell us, Comm.? Is she alive?"  
  
"Yes, she survived the surgery."  
  
A sigh emanated from the group. That was the best news they heard all day.  
  
"There's more. Isn't there?"  
  
"I'm afraid there is. She's not out of the woods yet. She sustained multiple injuries in the accident. I took her straight to surgery. I didn't want to run the risk of her bleeding to death or flatlining on me like she did before. Once I opened her up, I found that she sustained a ruptured spleen. I also confirmed that her lungs were perforated on her left side, and she has 3 broken ribs.  
  
"My God! How did she survive?"  
  
This was becoming too much for the group, specially Harm. He was having the most trouble getting a hold of his emotions.  
  
"Only God knows that, but I'm afraid we're not through."  
  
"Please continue."  
  
"We were able to x-ray places of interest and found she had a compound fracture in her left arm. She also has a hairline fracture in her femur and hip. I don't expect that injury to cause her much trouble if she wakes up."  
  
"What do you mean if?"  
  
"We performed a CAT scan of her brain. Luckily, there was no bleeding present, but her brain did show signs of swelling. To put it simply, she's in a coma, and I can't even guess when or if she will wake up. I'm sorry. I wish I had better news. I will leave you all alone to process what I said. If you have any questions, I will be more than willing to answer them. Once I get LtCol. Mackenzie settled, I'll have someone take you to her."  
  
Harm tried to speak, but he couldn't find his voice. To him, his whole life came to a screeching halt. The only words going through his head were: "if she wakes up." 'She has to wake up. She can't leave me like this.' Harm couldn't contain his emotions anymore. Tears sprung to his eyes, and he collapsed his head into his hands and wept.  
  
Harriet and Bud had held hands as the doctor informed them of Mac's condition. Hearing that she may not wake up, they turned to each other and embraced. Each tried to draw strength from the other. In their minds, each though that this couldn't be the end. Mac had to wake up. She had to come back to them, especially Harm.  
  
AJ had taken the news in stride. He had seen many of his friends die before, but this one seemed different. This wasn't someone injured while in battle. This was someone hurt while on her way home. Where was the justice in that! Mac had always been like a daughter to him, just as Harm was like a son. Life couldn't be this cruel to them. She had to come back. No one wanted to have to deal with a grieving Harmon Rabb.  
  
Lost in their own thoughts, somehow they gravitated towards Harm. They knew he would need their strength to get through this. Harm didn't even notice he was surrounded by his friends. He was so lost in his thoughts. So many things ran through his mind. Emotions kept flooding to the surface unchecked. He tried to decipher them all, but it was too much for him. He didn't know what to do with the feelings he had inside. On one hand he blamed himself for this whole mess. If he and Mac hadn't been fighting, she wouldn't have left when she did. On the other hand, if Sturgis wasn't flying like a bat out of hell, none of this would have happened. That's when he subconsciously made a decision. His mind and his heart couldn't decide what to do with the feelings enveloping him, so they projected it onto someone else. Sturgis.  
  
Everyone noticed the crying start to subside and tension set in. They had seen something like this before, and they didn't have time to prepare for what was coming. Harm stood up. The chair flying behind him. He turned, squared his shoulders, and made his way to the door. There was only one thing standing in his way. AJ.  
  
"Just where do you think you are going, Comm.?"  
  
"To take care of business."  
  
"And what business would that be?"  
  
"I'm going to kill him."  
  
"Who? Sturgis?"  
  
"Yes. Now if you excuse me."  
  
"Over my dead body."  
  
"Get out of my way AJ."  
  
This was a fight neither was going to back down. Harm was determined to make Sturgis pay for hurting Mac, and AJ wasn't going to let him out of this office. Bud and Harriet stood there in shock. What the hell just happened? One minute Harm is in tears, and the next, he's ready to kill Sturgis. Bud tried to step in between the two men.  
  
"Harm, sir, let's take a moment to think this through."  
  
"Bud, I don't want to have to hurt you. Now both of you get out of my way."  
  
"I'm sorry, sir. I can't let you hurt Comm. Turner."  
  
Harm made a move towards Bud. Harriet could see what was coming next, and she decided enough was enough.  
  
"That's it! I've had it! Now everyone stand down!"  
  
Nobody made a move.  
  
"It was not a request! Stand down NOW!"  
  
Harriet's voice could be heard throughout the entire wing of the hospital. Each man glared at each other. No one made a move until Harriet made hers. She grabbed the chair Harm was in and shoved him in it. She then proceeded to put each man in a chair, even using the doctor's chair. Once they were seated, she faced them.  
  
"Now is not the time for a pissing contest gentlemen. Col. Mackenzie is hanging on by a thread, and we all need to be there for her. Now you will all stow whatever alpha male feelings you have and focus on the situation at hand. Is that clear?!"  
  
AJ and Harm were shocked to say the least. They have never seem Harriet react like this. Bud, however, wasn't. He was married to her. He should have known better. The men took a moment to process the dressing down they had just received. Harm was the first to speak.  
  
"I'm sorry Harriet, Bud and AJ. I honestly don't know what came over me."  
  
"I have and idea, Comm."  
  
"Well maybe you could explain it to me, because I sure don't have a clue."  
  
"Well Comm., we all know you are an emotional person. Especially when LtCol. Mackenzie is involved. We have watched you both for 8 years. We know how you feel about her. You love her. Don't you?"  
  
All Harm could do was stare. 'How they hell did they know that?! I know Sturgis never told anyone.' Seeing that Harm didn't deny it, Harriet continued.  
  
"I would speculate that the argument you two had tonight was personal in nature. As always, you both found a way to push the other's buttons. This led to the argument, and LtCol. Mackenzie leaving your apartment abruptly. Am I right so far?"  
  
"I can't deny it, Harriet. You sure you never went to law school?"  
  
"Well I did work at JAG, sir. I paid attention. Now, if I may?"  
  
"You may."  
  
"You never anticipated Mac being as hurt as she is. When you found out the extent of the injuries, your mind and body went into overload. You didn't know how to handle what was going on, so you went to plan B. Take it out on someone else." Harriet stood back and watched the expressions on the men's faces. They all pretty much had the same expression. Shock.  
  
"How....What....." was all Harm could get out.  
  
"As is said earlier, sir. I paid attention. I also took a couple a psychology classes."  
  
"Well Harriet, I would say you hit the nail on the head. I truly am sorry about my behavior. I just don't know what to do with these feelings inside."  
  
"The best thing to do, sir is not to fight them. Let them come, and let us help you. We want to be there for you and the Colonel. All you have to do is let us."  
  
"I think I can do that."  
  
"Permission to hug the Comm.?"  
  
"Permission granted."  
  
Harriet enveloped Harm in a big hug. She wanted to make sure that he did understand what she had said. They would be there for him and Mac no matter what.  
  
"Thanks, Lt. I needed that."  
  
"Anytime, sir."  
  
Harm was about to say something, when a nurse entered to room.  
  
"Excuse me. Comm. Rabb?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"I'm here to take you to see LtCol. Mackenzie."

* * *

Well now you know how Mac is for now. I do have a question to ask. I was think of alternating a dream state for Mac and reality. What do you all think? I have a way to do it, too. Now all you have to do is hit that little lilac button and review. You know you want to. (evil grin). Sorry, I forgot it last time Lynn ;) 


	9. Where Do I Go From Here?

AN:  Well I must apologize for taking so long to post another chapter.  I am having trouble posting at this time.  The quick edit is not working properly.  So if there is something wrong, it's probably me. 

Everyone just looked at one another.  This was it.  They were about to see Mac.  Harm was the first to get up and make his way towards the door.  Reaching the door, he took one last look over his shoulder.  He expected to see them right behind him, but they weren't.  They were exactly where he left them. 

"You guys coming?"

AJ stepped in front of him.

"You go to her, son.  She needs you now.  Now go to her and bring her back to us."

With unshed tears in his eyes, Harm replied.

"I will, sir.  I promise."

"You know Mac always said you never make a promise you can't keep."

"I don't, sir.  I don't plan on losing her.  I'm not giving up on her, sir."

"See that you don't."

Harm exited the room and followed the nurse leaving AJ y each looked at each other, while trying to decide what to do.  AJ was first to speak up.

"Why don't we all go get some coffee and find the waiting room by the ICU?"

"That sounds like a great idea, sir."

They all exited the room, and they stopped at the nurse's station to let them know where they'll be should Harm come back.  While walking to the cafeteria, each was trying to come to grips with the events of the evening.

AJ was thinking that he just saw Mac yesterday.  Yesterday.  Who knew 24 hours later, her would be at Bethesda wondering if she's going to survive.

Bud and Harriet were thinking about the conversation they had with Mac earlier in the day.  They were taking AJ and Jimmy to the park tomorrow for a picnic.  They invited Mac and Harm, since it had been so long since they had seen the boys.  Mac said she would come, and she would ask Harm for them since she was going to see him that day.  Of course, Harriet became exited at the prospect of Harm and Mac spending the evening together, and then they would be together all day Sunday with her and her family.  Bud kept telling her that Mac said it was a working dinner, but she didn't care.  Neither could believe they were here.  It seemed like they just spoke to her.  It showed them just how fragile life can be.

Harm was having trouble of his own.  In his mind, he was happy to finally get to see Mac, but he was afraid to see her, too.  He kept trying to brace himself for what he was about to see.  He knew he needed to be strong for her.  He hoped his strength would bring her back to him.  He had to make things right between them.  It wasn't until they reached Mac's room that Harm noticed his hands were shaking.

"She's in there, sir.  I need to tell you what to expect when you see her.  There are going to be a bunch of tubes, wires, and machines hooked up to her.  As Dr. Morris said, she had a perforated lung.  We have her on a machine that will keep her left lung slightly inflated.  We also have her on a broad-spectrum antibiotic, and she is going to receive 2 pints of blood.  Her head is wrapped, and she received 16 stitches to the left side of her head.  There is a cast on her left arm, and all other injuries are hidden under her gown.  Everything else is superficial, and we have cleaned and dressed them accordingly.  Do you have any questions before we go in?"

"Can she hear me when I talk to her?"

"Some studies have shown that some coma patients hear people talking to them.  I always encourage family to talk to the patients.  It always seems to help the family to deal."

"Thank you, ma'am."

"Ok.  Here we go."

Both walked into Mac's room.  When Harm saw Mac, a lone tear fell down his cheek.  The nurse motioned to the chair next to the bed and left him alone.  Harm slowly made his way towards the bed.  He couldn't believe the vision before him.  This couldn't possibly be Mac.  Not his Sarah.  He wanted to wake up from the nightmare he was sure he was having.  She looked like she was asleep, but the tubes and machines reminded him where he was.  Taking her hand in his, he began to talk to her.

"Hey marine.  Is quite a mess you got yourself into.  Just know that the Navy's here to save the day."

Humor seemed to be the only thing Harm could think of at the moment.  He was still in shock about everything that happened.  Not to mention the person laying before him now. 

"Sarah?  Can you hear me?  Come back to me please.  I need you so much.  I need to apologize for being such an asshole to you tonight.  You were right.  I never let you get a work in.  All this is so new to me, Sarah.  You…me…us.  When you told me there would never be an us, I believed you.  Damn it!  We were just starting to find our way back to each other.  I can't lose you, Sarah.  I just can't."

Tears were flowing freely now as Harm laid his head on his and Mac's hand.  He laid there, crying, for quite some time, when a nurse touched his shoulder.

"Sir?"

Harm looked up quickly, and he turned to the nurse.  He hurriedly brushed the rears aside and willed the rest away.  Now was not the time to have the emotional breakdown he deserved.

"Yes."

"I'm sorry, sir.  Visitors are only allowed in here for 15 minutes."

"What do you mean?!  I'm not leaving her!"

Those are the rules, sir.  I truly am sorry.  Maybe you could talk to the doctor about allowing you to stay longer.  I know he has done it in the past."

"Ok.  Can I have one more minute, please?"

"Certainly."

Harm turned to Mac.

"I have to go for now, Sarah, but I'll be back."

He leaned closer to her ear, and whispered.

"I love you, Sarah."

With that, he turned and exited the room.  Harm started to make his way back to his friends still reeling from the experience.  He didn't know how much more he could take of this.  How will his heart survive if she doesn't wake up?

Little did he know that Mac was going through her own private hell.

'Where the hell am I?  What's going on?  Where's Harm?'

Just as she finished the last sentence, the memories of the night came flooding back.  It was like her mind was playing the night's events like a movie with her as the only viewer.  She remembered the whole evening.  She and Harm had an excellent dinner and conversation.  Then they began to talk serious.  Next thing she saw was the argument, and she leaving his apartment.  She remembered feeling angry and confused.  Angry for how Harm treated her.  Confused for trying to figure out what to do now.

_Flashback_

_'What am I going to do with him?  Why do I let him get to me like this?  I shouldn't have let my anger get the best of me.  I should apologize to him.  If this is going to work, we need to accept and deal with each other's issues.'_

_Doubt started to creep it's way in._

_'Why would it work out?  Every man I've ever met has passed through my life.  I just can't keep hold of any of them.  Maybe my father was right.  Maybe I am useless and good for nothing.  Maybe I don't deserve to be happy.'_

_Thoughts like those kept flashing through her mind, as tears fell down her face.  She was so wrapped up that she didn't see the SUV about to plow into her.  Her last thoughts were feelings of despair and worthlessness._

_End Flashback_

'Oh my God!  I remember it now.  I was in an accident, but I can't wake up damn it!'

Suddenly voices came from everywhere.  Voices of men from her past.  All telling her the same things.

'Why fight, Sarah?  You have nothing to live for.  Just give up.  He doesn't want you.  He wants a woman who can give him children.  Walk away, Sarah.  Walk away.'

'NNNOOO!  This is a dream!  That's all  it is.  Come on, Mac, wake up.  Wake up!'

The voices assaulted her again.

'This isn't a dream, Sarah.  There's nothing you can do to fight us.  Just give it up.'

Mac slid to the ground, wrapping her arms around her legs, and began to rock.  She prayed that she could find the strength to fight the demons in her mind and wake up.  That's when another voice came to her.  It was someone she knew, but she could barely make out what was said.

'I love you, Sarah.'

She fought to figure out where the voice came from, but he memories of her past overwhelmed her.  They sent her into a deeper pit of despair.  She wondered if she would be able to make it out.

Meanwhile, Harm made his way back to his friends.  He was completely unaware of the internal struggle Mac was in.  He was having one of his own.  The vision of Mac in that room assaulted him with a vengeance.  It was tearing him apart.  A voice inside his head kept repeating to him that it was his fault she was here.  If he could have voiced his feelings, the night would have ended differently.  Another voice was also telling him that it's all Sturgis' fault.  If he was paying attention to where he was going, Mac would be safe.  He was so lost in his thoughts that He didn't realize he had slid down a wall, and he was rocking.  His mom use to rock him when he had nightmares about his dad.  It always seemed to help him feel better.  This time, however, it didn't work.  He couldn't stop the nightmares that haunted his mind.  He couldn't take it.  His control was slipping fast.  He had to get out of here.  He had to clear his head.  Harm got up and rushed out the hospital, unaware that his friends were looking for him.

Bud, Harriet, and AJ made their way to ICU.  It had been a while since Harm had went to see Mac.  They knew visitors were only allowed in there for 15 minutes.  It has been 30 minutes, and he still hasn't shown up.  They all were concerned about him.  They could imagine what Mac may have looked like, and it probably hit Harm pretty bad.

"Excuse me, ma'am.  We're looking for Comm. Rabb.  He came to see LtCol. Mackenzie.  Have you seen him?"

"Yes, ma'am.  I did.  I was the nurse who took him to her.  He just came out 15 about minutes ago."

"Really.  You didn't happen to see where he went?"

"He looked like he was heading towards the elevators."

"How did he look?"

"To be honest.  He didn't look so good.  When I went to get him, he was crying.  It was so sad.  When he finally came out, he looked so lost."

"Thank you, Ensign.  Do you think we can see her for a minute.  We just need to see she's alive."

"I was just about to go take her vitals.  I don't see why you couldn't see her for a moment."

"Thank you very much ma'am."

The nurse took them to Mac's room.  She explained Mac's condition and appearance to them.  Once she was finished, she brought them inside.  A gasp could be heard from all three of them when they saw her.  Disbelief emanated from them.  This couldn't be Mac.  The woman on the bed barely resembled the marine they knew. 

Harriet grabbed Bud's hand a squeezed.  Tears were flowing down her face.  Here was the woman she came to when she had a problem.  Now she's laying in a hospital bed fighting for her life.

Bud gave Harriet a gentle squeeze to reassure her that everything would be of.  He knew the bond these two shared, and he also knew how strong Harriet is.  She will get through this, and he will be there to help her.  He figured if he could just focus on his wife, he wouldn't have to feel the pain in his heart.  Pain for both Mac and Harm.  This must have killed him to see her like this.  Bud wanted to find Harm and make sure he was ok.

AJ had trouble with the sight before him also.  This was his ex Chief-of-Staff.  The person he had counted on numerous times in the past.  She looked so fragile now.  She didn't look like the stoic marine he knew. 

After thinking the nurse, the group made their way back to the waiting room.

"We have to find Harm."

"I agree with you, sir, but where do we start?"

"Start asking around the different floors.  I'll join the search as soon as I can."

"Where are you going, sir?"

"To see Sturgis.  He wanted to know how Mac was."

"Ok, sir.  We'll start here and meet back by Sturgis' room."

"Well, let's get to it."

Bud and Harriet made their way down the hall, while AJ made his way to Sturgis' room.  Once there, he knocked and entered.

"How are you doing, Sturgis?"

"Still sore, sir.  I take it you're here to tell me about Mac."

"Yes, I am, but first I want to know if there is anymore news about Chaplain Turner."

"The nurses came in about 30 minutes ago and said he was awake and asking for me.  They told him what happened, and he insisted on speaking to me.  I just hung up with him.  He's more concerned about me than himself.  Can you believe that?"

"Actually, I can.  Since he's up, I'll try to go see him tomorrow."

"Well, I maybe coming with you.  So far, all my tests are normal, so I should be released tomorrow."

"That's good to hear."

"Ok. So tell me.  How's Mac?"

"She's not good.  She's in a coma, and they don't know for sure if she's going to wake up.  She has a punctured lung, 3 broken ribs, and she lost her spleen.  She also had a broken arm, and a hairline fracture in her hip and femur.

"Oh my God!  What have I done?!"

"Sturgis, you need to get a hold of yourself.  I know this comes as a shock.  It hit us all pretty hard.  Hell, we just got done seeing her, and my head still can't comprehend it."

"I know, but I'm the reason she's like that.  If only I was paying better attention.  What are the chances of her waking up?  How will I be able to face myself everyday knowing what I did?"

"Sturgis, I'm not going to lie to you, and say it's going to be easy.  I'll tell you a story.  I was dating someone a few years ago.  She was killed by someone from my past, when she stepped on a bomb he planted under the steps of my house.  It was my fault she was killed.  He was after me, not her.  I know the situation is different for you, but understand we have our own burdens to carry.  You are a strong person.  You will get past this."

"Thanks, AJ.  You're right.  It's not going to be easy, but I can get through this.  How's Harm?"

"I have no idea how he is now.  When we heard about Mac, he took it pretty hard.  He went to go see her, and we haven't seen him since.  The nurse said he looked pretty bad when he left Mac's room.  Bud and Harriet are looking for him now.  I'm about to join them.  I just wanted to make sure you were ok."

"Thanks for stopping by AJ.  Go ahead and look for Harm.  He needs you more than I do.  He doesn't' handle feelings well.  Never has.  Especially when it's someone he loves."

"You know, too?"

"Yeah.  I also now that Mac loves him, too.  She let it slip during an investigation we were working on.  Mattie let it slip after a basketball game a few weeks ago."

"Shame those two never figured it out for themselves."

"Yeah, and now it maybe too late."

"Don't think like that, son.  Have a little faith.  Everything has a way of working out in the end."

"For everyone's sake, AJ, I hope you're right."

"Me too.  Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to join Bud and Harriet."

"Bye, AJ."

AJ left Sturgis' room just as Bud and Harriet were walking towards him..

"We have searched everywhere, sir.  Harm is nowhere to be found."

"Well, where the hell is he?!"

Well here it is.  I hope you enjoyed it.  Since I have not posted in a while, you get a 2 for 1 special.  Read on.  Now all you have to do is hit that little lilac button and review.  You know you want to.  (evil grin)


	10. Who Can I Turn To?

AN:  Here is another chapter for your enjoyment.  Since I can't put a line between my author's notes and story.  I will keep this short.  Enjoy the story.

Harm had been driving around for what seemed like hours.  Before he realized, he was at the Vietnam Memorial.  Somehow he knew this is where he should be.  He got out the car and made his way to his usual spot.  He took his hand and ran his fingers over the familiar name.  Dropping his hand and head, he spoke to the person he lost so many years ago.

"Hey dad.  I didn't know where else to go.  I guess my heart knew where I should go.  You remember Mac, right?  I know I talk about her a lot.  Well, dad, she's been in a car accident tonight.  It's pretty serious.  They don't know if she is going to wake up.  It's all my fault.  I didn't hit her.  Sturgis did.  Kind of ironic, don't you think?  My best friend hit the woman I love.  It's my fault because if I would have gotten my head out of my ass and told her how I felt, she wouldn't have been on the road tonight.  We were discussing having a baby, and I just couldn't tell her how I feel.  Instead, I get tongue-tied, she gets frustrated, which gets me frustrated.  We argue, and she leaves.  I usually leave her alone and either call or go see her later, but it didn't seem right.  I had a feeling something was wrong, but I never expected this.  What am I going to do, dad  I can't lose her.  I love her so much.  When I saw her tonight, I wished it was me that was hurt.  I would do anything to make this right, but I may not get the chance.  I need you dad.  Please help me and Sarah."

Harm stood there, praying for some type of intervention.  Some kind of sign to show he was heard.  He knew it was silly to think the dead can help, but he always had a feeling that his dad was there for him.  That's when he felt it.  Just when he thought he had nothing left, a new strength filled him.  A sense of courage surrounded him.  He felt renewed.  Glancing upward, he whispered.

"Thanks, dad.  I needed that."

With a new determination, Harm made his way back to the hospital.  Back to his marine.  He pulled in just as Bud, Harriet,  and AJ exited the hospital.  Once they spotted him, they rushed towards him.

"Jesus, Rabb!  Where did you go?"

"We've been worried sick, sir."

"I went to visit someone.  I'm sorry I left so abruptly, I just needed to get out of here to clear my head.  Seeing Mac like that tore me up inside."

"That's understandable, son.  Next time, just inform someone when you plan to have an emotional breakdown."

"Yes, sir."

"I thing it's time we call it a night people.  There is nothing we can do here.  If something should happen, the hospital will call."

"Sir, I think I'm going to stay.  I will call the interim JAG tomorrow and request emergency leave."

"Somehow I knew you would say that, Rabb.  I'm no longer you Commanding Officer, so I can't order you home.  Like you would listen to me anyway.  You do what you think is best.  I will be by later to see how she is doing."

"Ok.  Thank you, sir."

"If you need anything, sir, just give us a call."

"Thank you, Harriet.  I will."

After the goodbyes were said, everyone went their separate ways.  Harm made his way back to the hospital.  He left his name with the ICU nurse, and he made himself comfortable in one of the chairs.  Once he was settled, the events of the day flooded him.  This time, it didn't affect him as much.  He was still having trouble dealing with the vision of Mac in her hospital room.  He wanted to be with her so bad.  He made a point to talk to the doctor tomorrow.  Hopefully, the doctor would allow him more time with Mac.  He did have a promise to keep, and this was one he didn't want to break.  The consequences were too great.

Harm tried to get some sleep, but sleep eluded him.  A nurse even brought him a pillow and blanket, but nothing could put his mind at ease.  He wondered what he should to now.  They certainly wouldn't allow him to see Mac.  It's 2:00 in the morning.  He wished he had someone to talk to.  With Harriet pregnant, he didn't want to call Bud.  She looked so tired tonight.  It wouldn't be fair to them.  He thought about AJ, but their relationship was still awkward.  As names kept popping into his head, on refused to go away.  Sturgis.  Harm knew he could go to Sturgis about anything.  Anything except this.  Harm was still mad with Sturgis.  Part of him still blamed him for the situation Mac was in.  After all, he did hit her.  Still, a part of him urged him to go talk to him.  To try to make things right.  That's the only way the forgiving process to begin.  Harm continued to think about.  He weighed the pros and cons.  In the end, he decided that he and Sturgis had been friends for too long for it to end now.  He knew Sturgis didn't hit Mac intentionally.  That's  why they are called accidents.

Harm got up and made his way to Sturgis' room.  He didn't know if Sturgis was sleeping or not, so he quietly opened the door.  Sturgis wasn't asleep, and motioned Harm in.  Harm entered and pulled up a chair.

"How are you doing, Sturgis?"

"No worse for wear.  The painkillers work pretty well.  The nurse was going to give me something to sleep, but I asked her not to.  How are you doing?"

"I honestly don't' know, Sturgis.  This all seems like a bad dream I can't wake up from."

"Yeah, AJ told me about Mac.  Harm, words can't even begin to describe how sorry I am."

"I know you are.  I just don't know how to deal with this."

"You can always try talking about it."

"Yeah, but everything in my head is so jumbled now.  I wouldn't know where to start."

"Well, let's start with what happened after I picked up the Lexus."

"Well, you know Mac and I were getting together to work on a case.  We also planned on discussing aspects of our relationship.  I guess if I want you to understand, you should know about a deal Mac and I made 5 years ago.  We made a deal that if neither of us was in a relationship, we would go halves on a kid."

"So you two were going to discuss this at dinner?"

"Yeah.  Mac went to the doctor and had a procedure done.  The doctor advised that she should start trying soon.  I had already put the deal back on the table, so we were going to discuss the finer details of it."

"Sounds fair enough.  So what went wrong?"

"I did.  I wanted to tell her how I felt.  As usual, I got tongue-tied..  I was going to tell her how is feel about her.  I just couldn't get the words passed my throat."

"I can see you doing that.  What happened next?"

"What always happens.  She gets frustrated because I can't state my intentions.  I get frustrated at her, because she won't let me try to put two coherent words together.  We argue, and one of us leaves.  Since she was at my place, it was her turn."

"You didn't go after her?"

"Have you ever seen Mac when she's pissed?  I wouldn't wish that temper on my worst enemy.  No, I usually leave her be.  I'll try calling her later or going to see her, but something was different"

"What was different about tonight?"

"I'm not sure.  Something just didn't feel right.  You see, Mac and I have this connection.  I can't explain it.  You already know about her visions, and that those visions saved my ass.  I just had this feeling that something was wrong, and it had to do with Mac.  I tried to wait for you before going to see her, but you didn't show.  I left a note, and I went after her.  That's when I saw my car, and I found out about the accident.  I didn't know it was Mac you hit till I got to the hospital."

"Talk about a life altering experience you hand."

"Tell me about it.  I don't know who to be mad with more, you or me."

"Why would you be mad at yourself?  You didn't hit her."

"No, I did something worse.  I hurt her emotionally, again.  Physical pain heals, but emotional pain can last a lifetime.  Believe me.  I know.  I shut her out again.  The funny part is, I didn't realize what was happening till it was all over.  We both threw up our defenses so fast that all we could do was react to one another.  Thinking was out of the window."

"Sounds to me like you both are at fault, buddy."

"Maybe you're right, Sturgis, but I not the one in a coma."

"And you weren't the one that put her there.  I did that."

"Yeah, but if she wasn't pissed at me, she wouldn't have been out on the road."

"Harm, we could argue this for hours and never find a solution.  Why don't we just say that everyone should shoulder some of the blame for what happened tonight.  Me for not being more aware of my surroundings.  You and Mac for being so damn stubborn."

"You're right, Sturgis.  There's nothing I can do to change what's already been done."

"Exactly.  All you can do is learn from it, and pray it never happens again."

"Yeah, but I may never get a chance to make a change."

"Now that doesn't sound like the Harmon Rabb I know.  You have never backed down from anything.  There's more at stake if you give up this fight, Harm.  You need to help Mac fight for her life."

"I'm trying, Sturgis.  It's just so hard to see her looking like that."

"I know buddy, but try to see behind the bruises, bandages and tubes.  See Mac for who she is on the inside.  That's the woman you fell in love with."

"It certainly is, Sturgis.  Oh my God!  I totally forgot.  I was so caught up in everything else that it totally slipped my mind.  How is your father?"

"You had more important things to think about, buddy.  He's going to live.  They gave him some medicine to get rid of the clots.  He's awake now, and he was asking for me.  I spoke to him a few hours ago.  He knows what happened, and he said he will keep you and Mac in his prayers."

"I'll have to try to go see him later."

"We can go together if you want.  I should be released later today.  I would really like to see Mac."

"Sounds like a good idea.  I'm going to talk to the doctor tomorrow to see if I can stay with her.  I guess I will let you get some sleep.  I'll be in the ICU waiting room if you need me."

"Nonsense.  You can sleep on the bed next to me.  I was supposed to have a private room, but none were available.  They gave me this instead.  Just call the ICU and let them know where you are."

"Thanks, Sturgis for everything.  I think I will take you up on that offer."

Harm called the nurses and gave them Sturgis' room number in case there was any change in Mac's condition.  He took his shoes off and climbed into bed, hoping to catch a few hours sleep before trying to see Mac again.  Sleep, thankfully, came to him quick.  The trouble was, he was in for a dream he will never forget.

Well here it is.  I hope you enjoyed it.  Hopefully the quick edit will start to work again.  Now all you have to do it his that little lilac button and review.  You know you want to.  (evil grin)


	11. Where The Hell Am I?

AN: Yeah! The quick edit works. Thanks for the reviews. I will try to post more often. Enjoy.

* * *

Harm entered a dream state that he has never been in before. It was dark and desolate. He tried to feel his way around, but there was nothing to feel. It was as if he was in a void.  
  
"Hello! Can anyone hear me?"  
  
At first no one answered, but then he heard it. Voices. Familiar voices. They all were repeating the same thing, but he couldn't understand what they were saying.  
  
Even though he was dreaming, Harm knew something wasn't right. This wasn't an ordinary dream, but he couldn't put his finger on what was different. Harm started to walk in the direction where he thought the voices were coming from. He must have guess correctly, because the voices seemed to be getting louder. He was almost close enough to hear what they were saying. He tried again to call out to them.  
  
"Hello! Can anyone hear me?"  
  
They all responded.  
  
"Go away. You are not wanted here?"  
  
"Hey! I don't even know where here is. I don't even know what's going on here. Would someone care to explain it to me?"  
  
A single voice answered him.  
  
"No. Leave us and her alone."  
  
"Her? Who else is here, and why do you sound familiar. Do I know you?"  
  
"You should, Harm. We were real good friends, remember?"  
  
"Webb?"  
  
"Give the man a cigar. Oh, I forgot, Sarah says you don't smoke them anymore."  
  
"What are you doing in my dream, Webb?"  
  
"You always think it's all about you don't you, Rabb. Well I hate to tell you, Rabb, but this doesn't concern you in the least. So leave us be."  
  
"I'm not going anywhere, Webb. Not until I get some answers."  
  
"What makes you think you deserve them? You never ask the right ones anyway."  
  
"Well what, pray tell, are the right questions?"  
  
"Are you really this dense? I can't believe you actually had the intelligence to work for the CIA. You were on the right track earlier with your line a questioning. So use what little brain cells you have and figure it out."  
  
Harm was shocked to say the least. This was getting really weird. What was he doing here, and why is Webb here? The last person he ever expected to see in his dreams was Clayton Webb. Most of his dreams involved a certain Marine. That's when the light bulb went off over his head. Mac. This had to be about Mac somehow, but how? Then he heard it. Crying. Not just any crying. It was Mac. He knew it. Now he was really getting confused. Mac doesn't cry in his dreams. Well, not because of pain at least.  
  
"Mac! Are you there? Answer me!"  
  
Mac could barely make out the other voice trying to pry its way into her ears. Webb's seemed to have died down, but she remembered what he said to her.  
  
He was the meanest of them all. He first started by telling her how much he loved her, and will always love her. When she didn't respond, he got mean. He started to talk to her about Paraguay. That if it wasn't for him, she would have been tortured. He told her how he sacrificed himself, because he loved her. She just sat there crying. She couldn't find her voice if she tried. This infuriated him even more. Now he was going to fight dirty. He started to blame Harm for all of this. He said Harm has always been in the way. He even went so far as to say that he wanted to get Harm killed while on a operation. Maybe then, she would get over him. He told her it was no use trying to get Rabb, because she could never have him. She wasn't worthy enough. It was time to let it go. She could never be the woman Harm wanted her to be.  
  
Mac didn't even receive a reprieve when Webb's voice died out. She was trying to figure out where he went, but she never got a chance. The rest of the voices attacked her with a vengeance.  
  
Her father was the loudest voice. She could hear her father telling her how worthless she is, and how he always wanted a son. He said she wasn't even worthy to wear the marine uniform. He kept calling her a drunk just like him, and a whore. He told her that no one in his right mind would want to be with a useless piece of trash like her.  
  
Chris was next. He called her a drunk, too. He said once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. She was just a slut and a tramp. He said the only reason he married he was because he was drunk. He even said that he tried to work things out with her, but she thought she was just too good for him. He laughed as he said that. He said that he was too good for her. He called her an adulterous bitch, and he said he should have killed her that night. He said he would have been doing the world a favor.  
  
Then there was Dalton. He kept telling her that all he wanted to do was love her. He would have given her everything she could ever dream of. He blamed her for his death. He said she was a tease, and that's why Coster killed him. She just dragged men by a leash. She would use them, and then cast them aside.  
  
Throughout all this, Harm tried desperately to get Mac to answer him. He could hear the things being said to her more clearly now. He had to get to her and help her.  
  
"Mac! It's me, Harm! Talk to me marine!"  
  
Mac finally heard his voice. The voice she wanted to hear so much, but she feared it at the same time. Finding her voice, she spoke.  
  
"What do you want, Harm? Are you here to drive the knife deeper?"  
  
"Here that, Harm? It sounds like you're not wanted here."  
  
"Shut up, Webb. It's because of all of you that she's like this."  
  
"Hey, don't blame us. We are in Sarah's mind, because she wants us to be here. We can leave at anytime. She just has to tell us to go."  
  
"You don't need her permission, Webb. Leave her alone. You and everyone else has hurt her enough."  
  
"Well isn't that ironic. You of all people should know about hurting Sarah. You have hurt her the most, Rabb. How long have you had her on a string? Nine years? You always gave her a taste of what she could have, and then you would pull it away. When she was with someone, you would find a way to break it up. You never wanted to be with her, but damn anyone else to have her. She has suffered enough because of you. Why don't you leave, and we'll take Sarah to a better place. A place where she can be loved without the strings."  
  
"You know nothing about me, Webb. You know nothing about the relationship Mac and I have. We both have done our share of hurting each other. She has pushed me away, too. I was ready to take that next step, but she got hurt."  
  
"Really, you don't say? That's not how she remembers it. If I'm not mistaken, the cat got your tongue again, Rabb. You say you want to take the next step, but you never do. You have been doing the same dance with her for 9 years. When are you going to change the steps?"  
  
"I don't have to explain myself to you. I want to talk to Mac. Now get out of my way."  
  
"Be my guest, Harm. Just don't be surprised when she kicks your ass."  
  
"She won't. Now move."  
  
Webb stepped aside, and that's when he saw her. She was sitting on the ground rocking. Rocking just like he was earlier. He couldn't see her face, but he could tell by the sobs that she had been crying for a long time. He carefully stepped closer to her. He didn't want her to run. He still didn't know the reason he was here, but he had an idea that it had to do with the hell Mac is in now. He reached out, and gently touched her hand. Mac's head shot up, astonishment present in her eyes.  
  
"Hey. Easy there ninja-girl. I'm not here to hurt you."  
  
"Then why else would you be here. Don't you want to join my little hate club?"  
  
"No, Mac. I don't want to join the club. To be honest, I don't know why I'm here. The last thing I remember was crawling into the extra bed in Sturgis' room so I could get a few hours of sleep. I was going to try to see you once you got up."  
  
"So you are at the hospital with me?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"How bad is it?"  
  
"Pretty bad. I don't think you want to know."  
  
"Harmon Rabb, stop protecting me! I want to know!"  
  
"You were in a bad accident, Mac. Your left lung is punctured. You lost your spleen. Your arm is broken, and you have a hairline fracture going from your hip to your femur. You also have 16 stitches in your head. And if you haven't guessed by now, you are in a coma."  
  
"Oh my God! Did they find out who hit me?"  
  
"Believe it or not, it was Sturgis. He got a call from Bethesda saying his dad had a heart attack, and he flew to the hospital. Needless to say, he didn't quite make it the way he planned."  
  
"So I guess I should take their advice."  
  
"Whose advise?"  
  
"My hate club. They keep saying I should give up. I guess I should. I'm probably not going to wake up."  
  
"Don't say that, Mac. You can't give up."  
  
"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't. They were right you know. I am good for nothing. Everything I touch dies. Especially men. Dalton and Chris are dead because of me. My father probably drank because of me. Webb still professes his love, even though he says you are the reason we would never have work in the first place. He says I'm not good enough for you, and he's right. You deserve so much better than me, Harm. Just let me die in peace. Move on, Harm. Go find someone to give you your family."  
  
"You don't get it, do you? I don't want another woman's child. I want your child. Our child. Remember? One with your looks and my brains, and one with my looks and your brains. You are the only one I want to share that joy with."  
  
"Oh come on, Harm. Aren't we just fooling ourselves? How could this possibly work? We both want to be on top. If you wanted this so bad, why didn't you just come out and say it tonight? You left me hanging again. I can't keep going through this Harm. My heart can't take the beating anymore."  
  
"I was trying to tell you how I feel, Mac, but you never gave me a chance. I can't explain it. I get so tongue-tied with you. The words either come out wrong, or they don't come out at all. I didn't want to hurt you again."  
  
"But you did hurt me again, Harm. I'm sorry. I can't do this anymore. I'm tired of fighting for you. I know you probably don't want me, and I think I can finally accept that. It's time that I move on, and let you get on with your life."  
  
"No, Mac! That's not what I want!"  
  
"What is it you want then?"  
  
Harm was about to tell her when something unexplainable happened. Harm felt a force push him away from her, and a voice echoed in his ear.  
  
"You hear that, Harm. Your presence here is no longer wanted."  
  
Harm was thrown back to reality where he sat up abruptly. He quickly jumped out of the bed, and he ran out the door. Sturgis didn't even have time to ask what was wrong. Harm took the stairs to Mac's room. He arrived just in time to hear the nurses call.  
  
"We have a code blue in here! Get the crash cart STAT!"  
  
"MMAACCC!!!"

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Well there it is. Please don't lynch me, yet. I didn't plan the story to go this route, but the Muses had other ideas. All is not lost. Mac will not die. I hope to actually wake her up in a chapter or two. Now all you have to do is hit the little lilac button and review. You know you want to. (evil grin) 


	12. Is It Time To Wake Up?

AN: WOW! Thanks for all the reviews. It's good to know so many are enjoying the story. Well will she wake up this chapter of not. You just have to read and find out.

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Harm rushed into the room and straight to Mac's side. Nurses tried to push him aside, but he wouldn't move.

"Sir, you have to move. We need to get the crash cart in here."

"I'm not leaving her! Mac! Mac! Don't give up! You can't leave now! I love you! Do you hear me?! I said I love you, Sarah! Come back to me, please!"

He tried everything he could think of to get through to Mac. He prayed to anything he could think of. The crash cart arrived, and the nurses finally got Harm to move. Even while they were trying to resuscitate Mac, Harm kept calling out to her.

"Come back to me, Mac! Don't leave me! You have to fight, marine! Fight for you life! Fight for your future! Fight for us!"

Meanwhile, in Mac's mind, Clay, Dalton, Chris, and her father were escorting Mac away from life. All of them kept telling her that she was making the right decision. That she would be in a better place. A place where there was no pain. She was almost gone when she heard him.

_"I said I love you, Sarah!"_

Mac stopped. She thought she must have been hearing things. Harm hardly ever uses her first name. The others kept urging her on, but she wouldn't move. She tried to hear what was being said. She heard him again, but could only make out the end.

_"Fight for us!"_

Why should she fight for them? Harm certainly didn't fight for them after Paraguay. Webb had come up to her and tried to get her to follow him. She was at a crossroad. She could either live of die. It seemed so easy to her. If she chose to die, the pain would go away. If she chose to live, she would lose Harm. That was something she couldn't convince herself to give up on. Through all the pain they had put each other through, she still loved him. She couldn't give up on him now. She jerked her arm away from Webb and told him and his gang to leave her alone. Mac decided to fight. To fight for her. To fight for Harm. To fight for love.

They were just about to shock her when one of the nurses stopped them.

"Wait! Look!"

All eyes turned to the monitor as Mac's heart started to beat. With each passing second, her heart began beating stronger. Everyone was amazed at the site before them. It was stuff that movies were made of. Everyone left the room amazed at what just happen. Only Harm and a nurse remained. She had walked to the side of Mac's bed to retake her vitals. Harm didn't even realize he was shaking. Tears were falling as he walked up to Mac. With a trembling hand, her caressed her face.

"That's my marine."

Then he collapsed. The nurse, startled by the noise. Moved to the other side of the bed to find Harm passed out on the floor. She quickly checked the area for any possible causes, then knelt down and checked for a pulse and breathing. Once she confirmed that he just passed out, she called an orderly to help her move Harm to a bed. A doctor came in, found a nasty bump on his head, and he decided that Harm's passing out was probably due to stress. He left orders to let him sleep and to call if anything changes.

Harm found himself back in Mac's dream, but something was different. For one, it wasn't dark. There was sunlight, and he was standing in a grassy field. He wondered if he was just dreaming the first time. Man, what a weird dream that was. They say stress can do that to you, and he would be the first to say that the last hours or so have been very stressful. He made a point to talk to Mac about his dream when and if she ever wakes up.

He decided that since he was here, he should take a look around. It didn't take him long though to find what he really was looking for. Off in the distance, he saw her. She was laying on a blanket and looking up at the clouds. It seemed so peaceful. Certainly not like earlier with all the voices.

"Wait a minute. The voices and gone. I wonder what happened?"

Harm made his way to Mac. Once her reach her, he stood over her.

"Harm, you're blocking my view of the clouds."

"Am I? Well do you mind if I join you?"

"Sure. Come on down."

Harm laid down next to her, but didn't look at the clouds. Instead, he was looking at her. Mac sensed she was being watched and turned into his gazed. Immediately, her brown eyes got lost in the intenseness of his blue/green eyes. She had to fight to tear her gazed away.

"What? Why are you staring at me?"

"What happened, Mac?

"I had a choice. I could have given up and gone with Clay and the others, or I could fight for my life. I chose to fight."

"What changed your mind?"

"I heard you calling to me."

"You did?"

"Yeah. It's all pretty fuzzy. All I remember is you telling me to fight for us."

"That's all you remember?"

"Yeah. Was there anything else?"

"Yeah, but I prefer to tell you when you are awake. Any idea when that might be?"

"Not sure. I don't know if I want to yet."

"Why not?"

"Harm. When I'm awake, all we do is fight. I don't want to do that anymore."

"Neither do I. Mac there's so much I want to tell you, but not here. Wherever here is. Come on Mac. Isn't it time to wake up?"

"I need a reason to wake up Harm. I want to wake up to you, but I want more than that. I didn't like myself before the accident. I distanced myself from everyone. I want my friends back. I feel that I lost them because I pushed them away."

"Mac. You never lost them. Bud, Harriet, and AJ have been here all this time. They care about you, and they want you to come back."

"Harm. Can we table this for a few minutes? For the first time in a long time, I feel at peace. I realize, now, that you are right. I didn't lose them forever. I just misplaced them for a while. Can't I just be like this for a little while longer?"

"You can have anything you want. As long as you come a little closer."

"Anything I want, huh? I'll have to remember that when I do wake up."

Mac moved closer to Harm and laid her head on his arm. It felt so good to be this close to him. This is what contentment must feel like. She almost didn't want it to end. She wanted to remain here with Harm forever. In her mind, they were at peace. In reality, she knew this could not last. Harm was right. There were too many people out there that cared about her. Harm being the most important. She knew that they couldn't resolve their problems in her head. She even wondered if she and him were really here. She wondered if this was just her mind playing tricks on her. They say head injuries can lead to some pretty weird dreams. She decided not to think about it too much. If it was just a dream, she could live with that. She just laid there, and enjoyed being held by the man she loved.

Meanwhile, the nurse had called AJ, and her called Bud and Harriet. Once they all arrived at the hospital, the nurse informed them of what happened. After the shock worn off, they went to see Mac. They were told Harm was in another room sleep, but they could see him later.

Since only one visitor was allowed at a time, the group decided AJ should go first. He walked up to Mac and put his hand over hers.

"Hey, Mac. I don't know if you can hear me or not. I just wanted to let you know that we are all here for you. We want you to come back, Mac. I know I haven't been around much, but I just wanted to let you know that you are like a daughter to me. You need to fight, Mac. Fight for your life. You have so much to live for. Fight because you love Harm. I know you do. Come back to him and tell him how you feel."

AJ patted Mac's hand and left the room. Next, Harriet came in. Harriet had a difficult time restraining the tears that wanted to come. Blame it on the pregnancy, but Harriet knew better. She pulled up a chair and sat next to Mac.

"Ma'am you can't leave us. You can't leave little AJ. He's already asking for you. Oh ma'am, I don't know what to tell him. I know he will miss you if you go, so please don't. I can't lose you either. You are the one I turn to when Bud gets on my nerves. I know you didn't know this, but if one the babies is a girl, I wanted to name her Sarah. I know we already had a Sarah, but I want my baby to have your name. You mean that much to us ma'am. You have to come back."

Harriet clenched Mac's hand and with silent tears, left the room. Bud was the last to come in. He felt somewhat awkward being there, but he had to talk to her.

"Ma'am, I hope you know how much you mean to us. How much you mean to me. You and Comm. Rabb have helped me out so much that thanks isn't enough. You two make such a good team. I hate to see it break up because of your death. You can't leave us ma'am. You can't leave Harm. He will be lost without you. We all will."

Bud left the room and joined Harriet and AJ.

"Well what do we do know, sir."

"Let's go see how Sturgis is doing. After, we can go find Harm. He needs to rest."

"Ok."

They reached Sturgis' door and knocked. Sturgis called them in.

"Hey, Sturgis how are you feeling?"

"Much better. Thank you, sir. They are just about to release me. Did you happen to find Harm?"

"Yeah. I hate to tell you this, but Mac flatlined again this morning. Harm was there when she coded, and she managed to come back to life on her own. It was the damnedest thing. No one can explain it. Anyway, Harm passed out, probably due to stress and exhaustion. He's in a room sleeping. We are headed there in a minute."

"That's unbelievable. I can't believe she came back on her own. You know, Harm busted out of here like a rocket. I didn't even get a chance to find out where he went. I guess I know now. I don't know how they do it, but I'm glad to hear she's alive. I would hate to have to deal with Harm if she didn't."

"You and me both, Sturgis. When are they releasing you?"

"I'm waiting for the nurse now. Why don't you go find Harm, and I'll catch up with you once they release me. Maybe then, I can go see my dad."

"Sounds like a plan. Let's go people."

Each one left Sturgis' room with a prayer in their hearts. Each was praying that Mac would hear their pleas and come back to them. Little did they know that Mac had heard each and every word they said.

Mac looked up at Harm wondering if he heard what she did. She figured he didn't because he didn't react when AJ said that he knew she loved Harm. Just as she thought, Harm was asleep.

"How do you fall asleep in a dream? Well, I guess I should let him rest. If I get my wish, he's going to need all the rest he can get."

Mac thought back to what they told her. She didn't realize how much Bud, Harriet and AJ cared for her. She didn't realize how important she was to them.

"They really want me back. God, I thought I lost them. AJ had retired, Harriet went to the Reserves, and Bud was too busy with his family and work with his new rank. I don't blame them for the choice. In fact, I think I'm jealous of them. Bud and Harriet have the family I always wanted, and AJ if being the father I always wanted. My body is telling me it's time to wake up. I know now that I am ready to do this. I think it's time I wake up, but first I need to wake up a certain flyboy."

Mac turned a little on her side and reached up a pressed her lips to his. It was a very gentle kiss. One that he would barely be able to feel.

"Harm….Harm…..It's time to wake up, baby."

Harm slowly opened his eyes.

"I should be telling you that. Baby, huh?"

"Yeah, is that a problem?"

"No, I love hearing it from you lips. Speaking of lips, did you kiss me just now?"

Mac blushed and turned her head.

"You did kiss me. You know I didn't mind Mac. You can kiss me anytime."

To prove his point, Harm reached down and captured Mac's lips in a searing kiss that brought a groan from the both of them. His tongue probed her lips, begging for entrance. Mac was quick to comply, opening her mouth to him. She tasted so sweet. Sweeter than any candy he ever had. He couldn't get enough of her. Mac was mesmerized by the intensity of the kiss. She missed his taste. His kiss was like a drug, and she couldn't get enough of it. He rolled her onto her back and leaned into her more. This deepened the kiss, driving them to points they didn't know they could reach. Before their passion could get the best of them, oxygen stepped in. They broke apart, and Harm rolled onto his back bringing Mac with him. It took them a few minutes to gain control. It felt so real to them. It was getting harder and harder the discern reality from fantasy. They knew deep down that this was just a dream, but they couldn't deny wanting more. But not here. If they were to take that next step, it would be in reality. Mac finally spoke up.

"I've made a decision?"

"Really, and what would that be?"

"I think it's time I wake up now. I had a reason for not wanting to wake up just yet. I needed to decide what I wanted to do if I woke up. I also needed time for my brain to heal. I know I must have had a pretty bad head wound, so I wanted to give myself some time. My body is telling me it's ready, and my heart tells me it's ready. I want to wake up, Harm. I want to wake up and look at you and know it is not a dream."

"I understand, Mac, and I promise I will be there when you wake up."

"Well let's blow this popsicle stand."

Harm and Mac got up and started walking. Everything around them began to change. The scenery disappeared and two doors appeared. Mac turned to Harm.

"The one on the left is the one I go through. You take the one on the right. I will open my eyes when I hear your voice."

"See you on the flip side."

Unable to resist they both reached for each other for another kiss. This time it wasn't as intense. This kiss was full of promise. A promise of a life they will begin together.

Harm quickly sat up and looked around. He tried to remember what happened. Then it hit him. Mac flatlined and came back to him. He must have passed out.

"Well that would explain the bump on my head and the killer headache I have."

Harm knew there was something he needed to do. He remembered dreaming and Mac was there. It's the weirdest thing. He can't seem to remember a lot of it. He can't remember either dream that well. All he knows is that Mac was there, and there is something he needed to do. Maybe the memory of the dreams will come back later.

"Now what was I suppose to do? Oh shit! Mac! I have to get to her!"

Harm ran out of the room, and he made his way to Mac's room. He saw the nurse, and she motioned for him to go in. He made his way to her side and clasped her hand in his.

"Mac, I know you can hear me. Mac, it's time to wake up, baby. Come on, Mac. Come back to me."

What happened next startled Harm. Mac's heart rate began to increase. Her eyes began moving. It took him a second to realize she was trying to wake up. Harm leaned in closer.

"That's it, Mac. You can do it. Wake up, baby."

Slowly, Mac began opening her eyes. It took them a second to focus. When they did, she was blessed with a site for sore eyes. She opened her eyes and stared directly into a pair of blue/green ones.

"Hey there, marine."

"H...H...Harm."

* * *

Well there it is. I have woken Mac up, but what will happen now. I'm not gonna tell you. HA HA. Now all you have to do is hit that lilac button and review. You know you want to. (evil grin) 


	13. Can She Really Be Here?

AN: Thank you all for the amazing reviews. It's good to hear from everyone who reads. I hope you enjoy the next installment.

* * *

They each gazed at each other for what seemed like eternity. They were lost in the other's eyes. This was a moment neither though would come. They thought they would never get another chance to make things right. Neither wanted to look away. Looking away would break the spell surrounding them. There was so much they needed to say, but words seemed inappropriate. Before they knew it, Harm's face was coming closer to Mac's. In anticipation of the kiss she hoped was coming, Mac licked her lips. This gesture caused Harm's heart to beat faster. Just before their lips would meet, they heard someone clear his throat. That broke the spell. Harm quickly drew away, but he left his hand on top of Mac's. Mac tried to not blush at being caught, but she couldn't.  
  
"It's good to see you've decided to join the land of the loving Ms. Mackenzie. I'm Dr. Morris. I operated on you."  
  
Mac's throat was so dry that she had difficulty finding her voice. She was about to ask Harm for some water, but she didn't have to. Harm seemed to have read her mind, because he was holding out a cup of water, straw included, for her. He held it so she could take a sip. She looked up at him and smile as he winked at her. It seemed words still weren't needed for them. Their hearts were doing all the talking. Once she had some water, she addressed the doctor. She looked at Harm as she said:  
  
"It's good to be back."  
  
Harm couldn't hide the grin that spread across his face, and Mac knew she was the reason. It felt so good to see him again. She remembered the last things they said, and she vowed to do something about making amends.  
  
"You gave us quite a scare this morning. Do you remember what happened to you?"  
  
"My memory is a little fuzzy, but I thing I was in a car accident."  
  
Harm could sense the frustration in her voice, but he couldn't figure out why. Mac tried to not let her frustration show, but she knew Harm would hear it. She knew there was more to this accident than she remembers. Something she was told, but when? Mac had a feeling that something happened while she was asleep, but she couldn't remember. She could remember bits and pieces, but they made no sense. All she knew is that harm was there. Maybe he could help jog her memory. "Well, you're right. You got T-boned by a SUV and pushed into a light pole. You were hurt pretty bad."  
  
"I gathered as much since I have a cast, a bandage on my head, and this tube in my side."  
  
"You broke your arm, got 16 stitches to a cut on your head, and you have a chest tube. One of your lungs was punctured by one of your 3 broken ribs. It will come out in a day or so. I want to make sure your lung is ok. We also had to remove your spleen. It was damaged in the accident. What you may not know is that you sustained a pretty bad concussion, which is why you were in a coma. You also have a hairline fracture that extends from your hip to your femur. You may not feel it now but you will once you are up and about."  
  
"My hip does hurt, but it's not bad."  
  
"Well, if it gets worse, let me know. I'll give you something for it."  
  
"I will."  
  
"Do you have any questions for me?"  
  
"How long will I be in here?"  
  
"That depends on you, and how you feel. The chest tube will be out in a day or so. Your head wound is healing find. Your arm will be in a cast for 6-8 weeks. Your hip and leg will also take about 6-8 weeks."  
  
"You mean I will be her for 2 months!"  
  
"No. You can probably go home in a week. I want to make sure that there is no brain damage. There doesn't seem to be any, but I want to do some tests to make sure. If your tests come back normal, I'll send you home on one condition. You have to have someone with you. You can't be walking around on your hip and leg very much. I don't want to risk you hurting you hip and leg more."  
  
Mac glanced at Harm and waggled her eyebrows.  
  
"You mean I need my own, personal slave?"  
  
"Well, someone has to take care of you. I can have a nurse help you if you want."  
  
Mac knew she was torturing Harm. The look on his face was priceless. He knew he was scared, but there was no way he would allow a nurse to help Mac. He knew she was taunting him. She just wanted him to say what he wanted to do. He finally spoke up.  
  
"Does it have to be a nurse?"  
  
That brought a smile to Mac's face. He was so cut when he was nervous.  
  
"Of course not. You could take care of her if you want. You would have to clean and dress all her wounds. She would also need help with daily activities such as cooking and showering. I don't want her standing for long periods of time. When she showers, her cast is going to have to be wrapped so it doesn't get wet. You may also need to help her shower since on arm can't be use, and her ribs are going to make it hard for her to move very much. Can you handle all that?"  
  
Harm had to swallow the lump in his throat. He didn't mind cooking. He didn't even mind cleaning and dressing Mac's wounds, but helping her bathe? He didn't know if he could stand to see Mac naked and not do anything to her. He knew they had a lot to discuss, and taking it to the next level was definitely out of the question. He couldn't do that to her in her condition anyway, but he be damned if this maybe the death of him.  
  
He almost said no, and Mac could see the doubt in his eyes. She was now starting to doubt herself. Was she wrong in thinking Harm loved her? She thought she saw that in his eyes earlier. She also didn't know if she could let Harm help her bathe without wanting to pull him into the shower with her. This would de a definite test of will power.  
  
The doctor watched the emotions on the faces of the two people in front of him. He thought there was definitely some history there. He was about to ask if everything was ok, when Harm spoke up.  
  
"I'll do it. I'll help Mac if she wants me to."  
  
This definitely didn't go like she planned. The ball was back in her court. She didn't expect that. Harm could see the surprise in her eyes. He was inwardly laughing at the turn of events. He didn't expect, however, to have the tables turned on him.  
  
"I couldn't thing of anyone else to help me, Harm. I won't ask you to do anymore that what you feel comfortable with."  
  
They each thought that two could play at this game. It was a regular serve and volley till someone gives up. Well Harm decided to take it home. To add a little emphasis to his statement, Harm leaned in and locked eyes with Mac.  
  
"I can do anything you want me to do. Now let's get you all better, so I can show you."  
  
The double meaning of that statement wasn't lost on anyone in that room. The doctor had decided that these two need a little alone time, so he quietly left the room. Neither one of them noticed that the doctor had left the room. The spell had once again wrapped itself around them. Sheltering them from the outside world. Their eyes relayed what their mouths couldn't speak. Each wanted to freeze this moment in time and get lost in each other. It was Mac this time that was closing in to kiss Harm. Just before their lips touched, another person cleared his throat.  
  
They both backed away quickly, but not before Harm whispered to her.  
  
"Our timing sucks right now, but I promise it won't once I get you home."  
  
The magnitude of that statement spoke volumes to Mac. She knew Harm never makes a promise he can't keep. He knew exactly what he wanted to say, and for once, it came out right. Finally something was going right. They both turned and saw Bud, Harriet, and AJ in the doorway.  
  
"We went looking for you, Harm, and the nurses directly us to here."  
  
"I'm so happy you woke up ma'am."  
  
Harriet began to cry again. She really wanted to find the faucet and turn it off. It was really starting to annoy her. Bud grabbed his wife's hand, feelings of thanksgiving filling him, and made it over to the side of Mac's bed. AJ brought up the rear, and he stood at the foot of the bed. They all couldn't believe she was up. The nurse didn't tell them Mac had woken up. This was definitely a blessing.  
  
"So, how are you ma'am."  
  
"A little sore, but these pain meds are wonderful."  
  
That brought a smile to everyone's faces. They thought they would never get to hear Mac's voice again, much less hear her joking. They knew they interrupted something when they walked in. It didn't take a genius to see that Harm and Mac were about to kiss. Damn their timing stinks.  
  
"So, Mac, do you remember anything about what happened?"  
  
Tension immediately filled the room. That was a question no one wanted to ask, but so desperately wanted to know the answer to. They all wondered just how much Mac remembered.  
  
"Not a lot, unfortunately. My head got pretty bang up. All I know is that I was hit by a SUV. I didn't get a chance to get anymore details."  
  
"I see. So you haven't told her what happened yet, Harm?"  
  
"No, sir. I didn't get a chance. The doctor came in a few minutes after Mac woke up."  
  
"Don't you think she should know?"  
  
"Of coarse I do. I'm was just waiting for the right time to tell her."  
  
"Harm, with your timing, we'll all be dead by then."  
  
"Would you two stopping talking like I'm not here and tell me what's going on."  
  
Everyone stood there for a moment motionless. You could hear a pin drop. This was it. It was time Mac knew what happened. Harm sat in the chair and grabbed Mac's hand with both of his. This gestured started to make her feel nervous. Something was definitely not right. Mac could see the nervousness in Harm's eyes. In everyone's eyes as a matter of fact.  
  
"It's ok, Harm. I can handle it."  
  
"I know you can. I just don't know how to tell you."  
  
"One word at a time."  
  
"Well, Mac...you see...uh...the person that hit you was..."  
  
Harm's voice died out. He mentally kicked himself for chickening out. He would not back down again.  
  
"Was what, Harm? He didn't die, did he?"  
  
"No, Mac. He didn't. The person the hit you was Sturgis."  
  
He paused to gauge her reaction. Her face went from shock, to pain, and finally to anger. No one would blame her for being angry. The last person you expect to hit you would be someone you know.  
  
"You mean to tell me Sturgis did this to me?!"  
  
"Yes, Mac, but there is a good reason why it happened."  
  
"I don't give a damn about his reasons, Harm. I could have died tonight! Don't you all understand?!"  
  
"Of course we understand, Mac."  
  
Harm replied with conviction, but when next thing he said could barely be heard.  
  
"We actually did lose you."  
  
They had to strain to hear what Harm just said. Mac figured it out first, and her reaction clued the rest of them in.  
  
"What do you mean by that, Harm. How did you lose me?"  
  
Tears were threatening to fall from every eye in the room. Harm had to summon the courage to continue.  
  
"You flatlined on us, Mac. Not once, but three times. That's what the doctor meant earlier by you giving us a scare this morning. You flatlined again. The amazing part was that you came back on your own. They didn't have to shock you. I was the most amazing thing I have ever seen."  
  
"You were there?"  
  
Harm had to look away. He could look into her eyes at this moment. The memories were too intense. It flooded him so fast that he didn't know what to do. Everyone else in the room waited with anticipation for what Harm would say next. They knew he was in the room when Mac flatlined. They knew that had to be the hardest thing to see. Each hoped that they would never have to experience that. Harm finally gained control of his emotions and answered her.  
  
"Yes, I was."  
  
"Oh my God!"  
  
This was quickly becoming too much for her. She never thought Harm would ever see her like that. Her feelings were spiraling out of control. Tears started to fall from her eyes. She didn't want them to see her cry, but she couldn't stop them. Everyone wanted to reach out and hold her, but no one would dare. No one, except Harm. He climbed on the side of the bed and gently pulled her to him. She didn't fight him either. He just held her there and let her cry it out. Everyone else decided that now was a good time to leave these two alone. Mac had had enough excitement for one day. With a nod, AJ, Bud and Harriet left the room quietly.  
  
After crying for a few minutes, Mac looked up at Harm.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me?"  
  
"I honestly don't know. I guess it's because I still haven't come to grips with it yet. I never thought I would see you like that, Mac. A part of me died each time you did. I didn't want to burden you with it just yet. You just woke up, and I wanted to treasure the present and worry about the past later."  
  
"Oh, Harm. What am I going to do with you?"  
  
"I have a few ideas, but I will save them for later."  
  
"Sounds like a good idea to me."  
  
"Mac, about Sturgis."  
  
"Harm. I really don't want to talk about it now. I'm too upset to want to deal with him. I'm not even sure I want to talk to him at this point."  
  
Just then, there was a knock on the door. Sturgis poked his head in.  
  
"Hey you two. Do you mind if I come in?"

* * *

Well there it is. Do I have a reason for not letting Mac and Harm kiss yet. Maybe I do. How will Mac react to Sturgis coming into her room? Stay tune for the next installment. 

Ok, so I watch way too many cartoons. Oh well. So what did you all think? Let me know. All you have to do is hit that little lilac button and review. You know you want to. (evil grin)


	14. Can I Be Fogiven?

AN: Sorry for the short update. Today is the fourth of July, and we are having a Bar-B-Q today. Thank you for all the reviews. It really means a lot to me. Enjoy the next chapter.

* * *

The tension in the room became so intense that you could cut it with a knife. Mac looked at Harm and silently pleaded with him to save her. She wasn't ready to deal with Sturgis yet. She was just too angry with him. She knew she had a right to be, but Harm did say there was something more to the story. She didn't want to face Sturgis, till she had all the facts. Harm understood her request immediately, and moved off the bed towards Sturgis.  
  
"Now, isn't a good time Sturgis. Mac just woke up, and she's still needs a little time to adjust to everything. I was just about to go get something for her and I to eat. Why don't you join me?"  
  
Sturgis knew Harm was trying to get him to leave. He figured Mac was pretty pissed at him. He saw the look on her face. He hoped he could talk to her later and apologize for his actions.  
  
"Sure, buddy. I'll wait for you out here."  
  
Sturgis turned and walked out the room. Harm turned back to Mac and crossed the room to her bed. Thankfulness shone in her eyes. Harm was happy to help her. He would do anything for her.  
  
"Ok, crisis averted. I'll go talk to Sturgis and explain the situation. Mac, there is more to the story than you know. I want to tell you, but I'll wait till you're ready. I know finding out it was Sturgis came as a shock to you. I'm going to head down to the cafeteria for something to eat. What would you like?"  
  
They both knew that was a loaded question, and both knew the answer to that question. Deciding not to venture into that discussion, Mac took the safe way out.  
  
"I'm not really hungry, but I could maybe eat some toast and drink some juice."  
  
"Someone call Guinness, Mac isn't very hungry. That has to be some sort of record."  
  
They both smiled at each other. Mac decided that if he wants to play jokes, she would see how he would take the next line.  
  
"Well, I am hungry, but not for food."  
  
If Mac had a camera, she would have taken a picture of the look on Harm's face. It was priceless. His mouth dropped open and his eyes were as big as saucers. He couldn't believe she just said that. Well he'll just have to see how she would take his response.  
  
"Neither am I, but you and I will both need our energy for when you get better."  
  
With that, Harm turned and walked out the room. Mac didn't even have a chance to respond. Not like she could anyway. Her voice completely left her. She knew where she wanted that conversation to end differently that night. She wanted to tell him that she loved him, but neither could get the words out. She started to doubt if they would ever get it right. They had to though. Both there futures depended on it.  
  
Harm didn't get a chance to see the look on Mac's face. He was too shocked that he just told her that. They were playing with fire, and if they weren't careful, one or both of them would get burned. He made a promise to himself. He wouldn't let there be another repeat of Saturday night. He was going to have that conversation with Mac, and he will tell her how he feels. He came too close to losing her. He will not lose her again.  
  
Sturgis saw the look on his face as Harm walked out, and wondered what had just happened in that room. He decided not to got there, and not ask Harm what was on his mind.  
  
"How is she doing, Harm?"  
  
"She a little sore, but the doctor had put her on some pain meds earlier. Her memory is a little fuzzy, but she'll probably remember it all later."  
  
"I couldn't help but sense some tension in the room, when I walked in."  
  
"Uh...yeah...about that. You see. Mac just found that you were the one that hit her. She's a little upset with you right now."  
  
"I see."  
  
"She doesn't know the whole story, Sturgis. She doesn't know you were on your way to see about your dad."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"I plan to talk to her later about it. Just give her some time, Sturgis. She'll come around."  
  
Sturgis and Harm made it to the cafeteria. They ordered their food, but decided to sit and eat there. Harm decided that Mac needed some time to herself to come to grips with everything. Harm knew Mac well enough, that it takes her some time to come to terms with everything. Besides, he wanted to make sure Sturgis was ok. Sturgis had been trying to figure out how to say what was on his mind, and decided the direct approach was the best.  
  
"You know, Harm, part of me was so concerned about how you would react that I didn't even think about how Mac would."  
  
"Why's that?"  
  
"Well, once I saw it was Mac, I just went numb. I couldn't believe it was her. Next thing I thought of was you. I knew how you felt for her, Harm. I know you, Harm. You don't handle things like this well. I also think there was a small part of me that thought I didn't really have to face her yet. I mean, I knew she was hurt very badly. But, I also knew you were not hurt and would be coming to me for answers. I figured, if I could deal with you, maybe you would help me deal with Mac. Does that make any sense?"  
  
"I can see your point, Sturgis. It kind of makes sense, too. You've known me for a long time Sturgis. You're right. I don't handle situations like this well. I can't even imagine what I would do if I lose her, Sturgis. I don't even want to think about it anymore. You don't know Mac as long as me. I know she is harder to figure out. I also know your relationship with her hasn't been the best either. Give her time, Sturgis."  
  
"I will, Harm. It's partially my fault Mac and I are where we are. I haven't been myself lately. I've been having a bit of an identity crisis as of late. I kind of took it out on everyone. I was pretty harsh on Mac, too. I called her something I probably shouldn't have."  
  
"I know. Mac told me. Don't worry about it, Sturgis. We all say things to Mac that we will regret. I should know. I do it all the time."  
  
"Hey, don't be so hard on yourself, buddy. You'll get it right eventually."  
  
"I hope you're right, Sturgis. I can't afford to mess up again."  
  
"You won't. I have faith in you."  
  
"Thanks, Sturgis. By the way, how is your dad?"  
  
"I'm on my way to see him now. You want to join me?"  
  
"I would love to come, but I need to get back to Mac."  
  
"I understand."  
  
"Tell your dad I will be by later."  
  
"Ok. Take care, Harm. Let Mac know that I'm glad she's awake. Maybe I can stop by later and talk to her."  
  
"Yeah. I'll see what I can do. See you later, Sturgis."  
  
"Bye."  
  
Harm and Sturgis went their separate ways. Sturgis made it to his father's room when he heard voices inside. He knocked and poked his head in. Inside were AJ, Bud, and Harriet. He wondered where they went off to.  
  
"Mind if I join the party?  
  
"Of course not, son. Come on in. AJ, Bud and Harriet just stopped by to see how I was doing."  
  
Sturgis walked in and nodded at the group. He went up to his dad, and gave him a hug.  
  
"How are you dad?"  
  
"I feel much better now that I get to see you. You don't look so good, Sturgis."  
  
"It looks worse than it feels."  
  
"Have you been by to see Mac?"  
  
"I tried to go talk to her, but I don't think my presence was wanted?"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Well, AJ, I got a look from Mac that would kill."  
  
"Surely she knows the whole story."  
  
"No, she doesn't, Bud. Harm said he never got the chance to tell her yet. I walked in just as he was going to tell her."  
  
"They weren't about to kiss were they?"  
  
"No, Harriet, I don't think so."  
  
"Good, because we interrupted that when we came in."  
  
Everyone shared a good laugh. It felt good to see everyone laughing. They needed to. Laughter is good for the soul.  
  
"Well, Chaplain, I think we will leave you and your son to talk. I think it's time we head to our homes. It's been a long day."  
  
"I understand, AJ. You all take care, and come back at visit anytime."  
  
"We will, sir. Take care."  
  
AJ, Bud and Harriet left the room and decided to go get some dinner. Neither could remember the last time they ate. Sturgis, meanwhile, sat down next to his dad.  
  
"So how are you really doing, Sturgis?"  
  
"I'm not really sure dad. It's still just so new to me. I can't believe the last 24 hours happened. First, you have a heart attack, and then I hit Mac. I don't know what to think."  
  
"Take it one thing at the time. Try not to blame yourself. Everything happens for a reason. We may not understand it at the time, but it will show itself when it's ready."  
  
"I hope you're right, dad. I don't see the reason for all this."  
  
Sturgis and his father continued to talk while Harm made it back to Mac's room. He walked in and found her asleep. She looked so beautiful, that he didn't want to wake her. He sat in the chair and watched her sleep. She looked so peaceful. It was hard to believe that just a few hours ago, she was on her deathbed. He didn't want to think about it. I still was so fresh in his mind. He could still feel the lost he felt when Mac flatlined. Tears he didn't know were present flowed freely. He was so lost in his memories that he didn't realize Mac had woken up and was looking at him. She thought he looked so sad and lost. She didn't have trouble figuring out what he was crying about. She was still a little taken aback to see him cry. She could count on one hand the number of times he had cried. She did her own share of crying while he was gone. She cried about what she would have lost if she didn't wake up. She didn't want to think about it anymore. The memories were too painful. She decided that Harm didn't need to think about it now. They should be enjoying being together and celebrating life, not stuck on "what if" scenarios. She reached over and touched his arm.  
  
"Harm?"  
  
Startled, Harm looked at her.  
  
"Hey. I didn't know you were awake."  
  
"I've been up for a couple of minutes. Are you ok?"  
  
"I should be asking you that question."  
  
"I know, but you're crying."  
  
"You've been crying too. Your eyes are a little puffy/"  
  
"Yes, I have. I've been thinking about the events of the last 24 hours."  
  
"Me, too. I can't believe all this has happened."  
  
"I know. I don't want to think about it anymore."  
  
"Well, what's on your mind then?"  
  
"That food on that tray interests me."  
  
"Well it's good to see that your appetite is coming back."  
  
"Yeah. It's doesn't take long for it to come back."  
  
"Well, let me feed you. There's nothing worse than a hungry marine."  
  
"Watch it, squid."  
  
"Ok. Ok. I give. It's no fun when you can't really fight back."  
  
"Well, we'll just have to wait till I get better, and then we can have a real good fight."  
  
"I'm looking forward to it."  
  
"So are you going to feed me or what?"  
  
"Aye, aye ma'am."  
  
Harm brought the tray over to Mac's bed. It felt so good to be talking like this again. Neither wanted it to end. Why should it end? Why can't it always be like this? These questions plagued their minds, but neither anted to discuss it. At least, not yet.  
  
"So how's Sturgis?"  
  
"You really want to know?"  
  
"Yes, Harm. I had a chance to think about it, Harm. I'm still angry with him, but I want to hear the whole story."  
  
"Mac, Sturgis' dad had a heart attack. He got a call from the hospital, while on his way to drop off the car. He was trying to get to the hospital as fast as he can. He wasn't paying attention very good attention, and that's when he hit you."  
  
"Oh my God. Is his dad ok?"  
  
"For what I know, he's ok. They gave him something to dissolve the clots. Sturgis was on his was to see him when I came back to you."  
  
"I'm glad I decided to hear the whole story, before tearing into Sturgis."  
  
"Me too, Mac."  
  
"He must really feel awful."  
  
"He does. He never expected any of this to happen."  
  
"Nobody does, Harm. That's why they are called accidents."  
  
"You know. You are taking this rather well."  
  
"Hey. Give a girl a break. I had some time to think about the events of the night, and I realize that maybe this is a blessing in disguise. I'm not saying I wanted to get into a car accident, but look where it got us. Harm, I haven't been this comfortable with you for a long time."  
  
"I know what you mean, Mac. Almost losing you had brought a little clarity to my life. I look at things differently now. I know what it's like to almost lose the most important thing in my life, and I'll be damned if I'll let it happen again."  
  
This was a conversation neither thought they could have, but it was a conversation neither wanted to finish here. They wanted to have this conversation when Mac was better, and they could have it without having to worry where it would take them.  
  
"Harm?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Could you hold me, tonight? I don't want to sleep alone tonight."  
  
"I'll do whatever you want me to do, Mac. I would nothing more than to hold you in my arms. Maybe then I will realize that you finally came back to be."  
  
"Well come over here, sailor, and feel that I am here to stay."  
  
"Aye, aye, ma'am."  
  
Harm walked over and crawled into bed with Mac. He knew he probably shouldn't be in bed with her, but he couldn't help it. He wanted to feel her next to him just as much as she wanted to feel him. He had already talked to the doctor and got the ok to stay with her as long as he wanted. He slid next to her and carefully wrapped his arms around her. She nuzzled into his next and breathed in his scent. She could never tire of his scent. With a sigh, Mac let sleep capture her. She didn't even here Harm's words as she drifted off.  
  
"Goodnight, Sarah. Pleasant dreams. I love you."  
  
With that, Harm followed Mac into the dream world. Both content to sleep in the arms of the one they love.

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Well there it is. I hope you enjoy it. For all you shippers, I will have Harm and Mac kiss soon. There is a reason why I haven't yet. Now all you have to do it hit the little lilac button and review. You know you want to. (evil grin) 


	15. Is There A Reason?

AN: Thanks for the reviews. I promise to get to the reason they haven't kissed soon. Enjoy the chapter.

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They slept for hours. Both lost in dreams far better than what they had earlier. For some reason, neither could remember the dreams they have had. Maybe their hearts were protecting them from it, because there weren't ready to deal with it yet.  
  
Mac was first to wake up. She hadn't slept that well when someone else was in bed with her. It's strange. She dated these men, and she never wanted them in her bed at night. At night is when the nightmares came. She always felt so vulnerable at night. That's when her dad use to come home drunk. She didn't always wake up when he got home, but she did when the screaming and beatings would begin. Since then, she never slept very well, if she slept at all. She was always afraid her dad would come in and beat her, too. She banished those memories quickly. This wasn't a time to think about the past. It was time to think about the present. She looked up at the reason for her peaceful slumber. He looked so content, but she could see the worry that etched his face. This must have been a terrible ordeal for him. She couldn't imagine being in his shoes, and she didn't want to. She decided that he had slept long enough. She nuzzled under his head and placed small kisses on his neck. Harm started to move. He loved the sensations coursing through him, but he knew he had to stop this before it got out of hand.  
  
"Mac. Do you realize what you are doing to me?"  
  
"No. What am I doing to you?"  
  
Instead of telling her, Harm decided to show her. He leaned his hips into her side, and she could feel the obvious reason for his discomfort. Blushing, Mac pulled away, but not before looking into Harm's eyes. What she saw there made her weak. She could see the passion and desire emanating from those eyes, and there was something else. Was it love? God, she hoped so. Harm, for once, decided not to mask his emotions. He wanted Mac to see what she did to him. He hoped she got the message. She did.  
  
A knock was heard, and Dr. Morris walked in. He took in the sight before him. He wondered how a man of Harm's height fit in such a small bed with his patient. He guessed one would do anything for love. He knew they loved each other. He had seen them a small amount of time together, and could already see the love in their eyes.  
  
"How are you felling today?" "Not as sore as yesterday."  
  
"That's good to hear. I would like to examine you. I want to see how your lungs are and check your stitches. If I like what I see, you maybe going home sooner than you think."  
  
"That's excellent news."  
  
"Is it ok if Harm stays?"  
  
"I don't have a problem with it if you don't."  
  
"Actually, Mac, I need to call the office to schedule leave for you and me. I will be back in a few minutes."  
  
"Don't be too long."  
  
"I won't."  
  
Harm placed a kiss on Mac's cheek and walked out. They both immediately felt the loss of the other. That was something they both would have to remedy soon. Harm walked out and right into AJ.  
  
"Good morning, sir."  
  
"That it is. Sleep well?"  
  
"As a matter of fact, I did."  
  
"I could tell."  
  
"Sir?"  
  
"I came be to check up on you two earlier, and saw the sleeping arrangements."  
  
"Well...I...uh"  
  
"There's no need to explain, Harm. I'm no longer your Commanding Officer. All I have to say on the matter is that it's about damn time."  
  
"Yes, sir. It is."  
  
"Where are you headed?"  
  
"To call the office to schedule leave for Mac and me."  
  
"Don't worry about that. I took care of that yesterday. You and Mac are on leave until further notice."  
  
"Thank you, sir."  
  
"My pleasure. Since you're free. How about we go get some coffee? Sturgis is already here. He wanted to spend the day with his father. He's already in the cafeteria."  
  
"Sounds like a good idea. The doctor is examining Mac anyway."  
  
"Is something wrong?"  
  
"No. He's making sure everything is ok. She maybe going home sooner than expected."  
  
"That's definitely good news."  
  
Harm and AJ arrived at the cafeteria to find Sturgis already sitting at a table. They grabbed their coffee and joined him.  
  
"How are you doing, Harm? How's Mac?"  
  
"We both are fine, Sturgis. Dr. Morris is examining her now. Hopefully, we'll get some good news."  
  
"I hope so."  
  
"How's your dad?"  
  
"He's doing much better. He maybe going home tomorrow if his tests come back normal."  
  
"That's great, Sturgis. I'll have to go see him today."  
  
"He's been asking for you."  
  
"I figured as much. I have an idea. Let's see what you think. Mac is probably finished with the doctor, so she will be alone. I can go see your dad, and you can go see her."  
  
"I don't know if that's such a good idea, Harm."  
  
"Sure it is, Sturgis. I talked to her last night. She knows the whole story."  
  
"Really? How did she take it?"  
  
"Rather well, actually. Don't underestimate her. She'll surprise you a few times."  
  
"Well, if you're sure."  
  
"Positive. You go see Mac, and I'll go see your dad. Want to come, sir?"  
  
"I would, but I have plans. Francesca is in town, and we're going to have lunch to discuss our adventure."  
  
"I see. Well, I will keep you posted on how Mac is doing."  
  
"You better, Harm."  
  
"I will, sir."  
  
"See you later, Sturgis. Give your father my best."  
  
"I will, AJ, and thank you for all you've done."  
  
"Not a problem, Sturgis."  
  
AJ got up and made his way towards the exit. Before he left he turned and addressed Harm.  
  
"By the way, Harm. I want an invitation to the wedding."  
  
"I...uh...well. You see...me and Mac haven't decided on that."  
  
"Yeah, right."  
  
With that, AJ left the room smirking. There was no doubt in his mind that Harm and Mac would get married. They were made for each other. Sturgis couldn't wipe the goofy grin off his face, while he watched Harm squirm. Harm turned and shot a look at him. That didn't even deter him. It just made him laugh. Sighing, Harm just gave up. They started to make their way to the exit when Sturgis spoke up.  
  
"You know he's right."  
  
"I hate to admit it, but he is. Its just Mac and I aren't there yet. Hell, I haven't even told her I love her. There's just so much water under the bridge that we need to get through before I ask her to marry me."  
  
"Is the past really that important?"  
  
"With Mac and I, I would have to say it is."  
  
"Why is that?"  
  
"Mac and I have a very colorful past. You've heard about our exploits, but you haven't heard how close we came to taking our relationship to the next level. Something has always gotten in the way."  
  
"How do you mean?"  
  
"I can count on one hand the number of kisses we've shared, and there was always a reason for it. It was never because of spontaneity."  
  
"Wait a minute. You mean you two kissed, and you didn't tell me?"  
  
"I don't tell you everything, Sturgis."  
  
"Ok. Please continue."  
  
"The first time I kissed her was when I found Diane's killer. She thought I was kissing Diane. I was in a sense, but then I was kissing her. It was like saying goodbye to my past, and hello to my future."  
  
"Makes sense."  
  
"The next time I kissed her was at her engagement party."  
  
"Harm! You kissed her at her engagement party! What were you thinking?"  
  
"I wasn't, actually. It was supposed to be a goodbye kiss. A friendly peck on the lips. We were trying to say goodbye, but it took a life of it's own. We couldn't get enough of each other. I can still feel it, Sturgis. I've never felt that way when kissing someone."  
  
"Well, you both are at fault for that mistake, Harm."  
  
"I don't see it as a mistake. In that brief moment, I knew what it was like to be kissed by the woman I love. There was no smoke and mirrors that time. It was just Harm and Sarah sharing what we couldn't say."  
  
"Ok. I won't argue the point with you."  
  
"You wouldn't win anyway."  
  
"Right. Any other lip locks I should know?"  
  
"Well, I did kiss her a couple years ago at Christmas. We were under a mistletoe. Part of me thinks she planned that. There really wasn't anything to the kiss, but damn did it bring back memories. I almost needed a cold shower that night, but the cold air took care of that for me."  
  
"That was more than I wanted to know. Harm, you say there is always a reason why you two kiss. You maybe right. I think it's because you both are too scared to see what it would really be like to kiss without a reason."  
  
"I was scared, Sturgis."  
  
"What do you have to be scared of?"  
  
"Sturgis, I have never felt this way before. I never let anyone get as close to me as Mac has. She is under my skin. She is in my heart, and if I look hard enough, I would probably find her in my soul. That scared the hell out of me. I did everything I could to push her away. I even pushed her into other men's arms. When she was with someone else, I felt safe. As long as she wasn't marrying them, I knew I would always have her. The funny thing is, I pushed her away and had the balls to be jealous when she was with them. I know Mac can make up her own mind, and she wouldn't be with other men if she wasn't getting something out of it. I know I was with other women, because I couldn't have the one woman I wanted. I don't know if that is the reason she stayed with these men, but that's why I stayed with these women. It was a sick, twisted circle. I would go to these women, because I knew nothing would happen. With them, I wasn't risking the one thing I was terrified to risk. My heart. No other woman could have that, because it was already was taken by Mac."  
  
"But something has changed."  
  
"Yes. She died on me. Not once, but three times. It's a shame it took her dying for me to realize what she means to me. I don't want to hide behind my fears anymore. I want to face them, and I think I can if she is by my side."  
  
"You've definitely changed in the last couple of days."  
  
"I certainly have, and I hope it's for the better."  
  
"I think it is, buddy. I can only tell you this. Don't focus too much on the past. Let the past be what it is. There is nothing you can do to change it. All you can do is learn from it and move on."  
  
"I plan to, Sturgis. I want things to be different this time."  
  
"Well, I guess this is where we part. Tell my dad that I will be by later to see him."  
  
"Will do, Sturgis. Do the same for me."  
  
"No problem."  
  
"And Sturgis?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Thanks for everything. You may not think it, but it's because of you that I've changed."  
  
"You lost me."  
  
"If you haven't hit Mac. She wouldn't have died, and I wouldn't have decided to grow up and be a man."  
  
"You definitely have a funny way of looking at things, buddy. You're welcome. I think."  
  
Both men exchanged a brief hug and went their separate ways. Both thought about the conversation they just had. Harm was right. If Sturgis didn't hit Mac, he wouldn't have decided to face his fears. This was the reason Chaplain Turner spoke about. This was the reason the accident happened. It was meant to draw Harm and Mac together, and it looks like it's working.

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Well there it is. I hope you enjoyed it. Now all you have to do is hit the lilac button and review. You know you want to. (evil grin) 


	16. Can We Go Now?

AN: Well here is the next installment in my saga. It has gotten so long. I never expected this to go as long as it did. I still have a few more chapters in me. I think. Anyway, enjoy.

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Sturgis slowly made his way to Mac's room. He still wondered if this was a good idea. Harm would have told him if it wasn't ok. He reached her door, and with a small hesitation, knocked. Mac called him in.  
  
"Uh...Hi...Mac. How are you doing?"  
  
"A lot better thank you. How are you?"  
  
"Same here."  
  
There was an awkward tension in the room. Neither knew how to break it. They did, however, know the reason. They didn't know how to talk to one another anymore. How do you talk to someone after something like this? Mac had grown tired of the silence, and she decided to break it.  
  
"Sturgis, please come and have a seat. I promise I won't bite."  
  
"You sure about that?"  
  
They both smiled, and the tension was broken.  
  
"Mac, about the accident. I'm so sorry it happened. I would never try to hurt you intentionally."  
  
"I know that, Sturgis. Harm explained it all to me. By the way, how is your dad?"  
  
"He's doing much better. He maybe going home is a couple of days."  
  
"That's good news."  
  
"That it is."  
  
"Sturgis, I know this is going to be difficult for the both of us. I mean, we work together. I'm sure we can find a way to get past this."  
  
"I know, Mac. I just don't know if I can forgive myself."  
  
"What's stopping you?"  
  
"Me mostly. I hit you, Mac! You! The person my best friend lo...cares about. It's not like I hit some stranger."  
  
"And that would make it better?"  
  
"No. It would make it easier to deal with. I wouldn't have all the personal issues to deal with. I wouldn't have to deal with the ramifications of hurting someone I know."  
  
"Sturgis. That's why they are called accidents. No one plans to have them. Besides, it's a blessing in disguise."  
  
"You know, someone said something similar to me."  
  
"Really? Who?"  
  
"Harm."  
  
"What did he say?"  
  
"That is a conversation for you two to have, but suffice to say, he thanked me."  
  
A smiled graced her face. She could picture her flyboy thanking Sturgis. She wanted to thank him, too. She didn't know where she and Harm would be if this didn't happen. Actually, if she thought about it hard enough, she knew exactly where they would be. They would be dancing to the same song. A song she had grown very tired of. Sturgis watched the varying expressions on Mac's face. He wondered what she was thinking. He decided that he'd never know unless he asked.  
  
"Penny for your thoughts, Mac."  
  
"Oh. I was just thinking about everything that's happened, and the changes it caused."  
  
"You think something has changed?"  
  
"Yes. I know I have, and I can see a change in Harm as well."  
  
Sturgis knew where this conversation was headed. He just had it with Harm. He had always been curious about the relationship between these two. It couldn't hurt to hear her assessment.  
  
"What kind of changes have you noticed?"  
  
"I don't know how much Harm told you, but the night of the accident wasn't a good one. Things were going well, but then we started fighting. I had left upset, and you know the rest. I was ready to tell Harm how I felt about him that night. I was ready to take it to the next level, but I was too afraid to go through with it. I was scared to risk the one thing I didn't even have anymore. My heart. Harm has had that for such a long time. The accident helped me to realize that. It also helped me to realize how fragile life is. It can be taken away from you in a blink of an eye. I learned that I need to take life by the horns and go after what I want. What I want is Harm, and I'm tired of waiting."  
  
"Sounds like you've done some soul searching. How does Harm fit into the changes you see?"  
  
"He's more tender and affectionate. He has let his walls down more. I can actually see what he is feeling in his eyes. You know Harm probably better than I do. He doesn't talk about personal things."  
  
"You're right about that, Mac. Harm has never been very open about his personal life. I have noticed those same changes in him. We just had a very interesting conversation about how he's changed."  
  
"And you won't tell me anything about it, right?"  
  
"It's not my place to. What I can tell you is you both are in for a very interesting conversation when it happens."  
  
"Yeah. We probably are."  
  
"Well, Mac. As much as I would like to stay, I would really like to go see my dad. I'm glad we had a chance to talk things out."  
  
"Me too, Sturgis. I'm confident we'll get past this. Just give it time."  
  
"That I will, Mac. Take care."  
  
"You too."  
  
Sturgis left Mac's room in better spirits. He didn't expect the conversation to go that well. He honestly thought he was in for a serious dressing down. Mac was also surprised how well the conversation went. She was still angry with Sturgis, but she did understand what happened. They both thought that this was something they would get past.  
  
On his was to see his dad, Sturgis ran into Harm.  
  
"So how did it go?"  
  
"Remarkably well. We had a very nice talk."  
  
"That's good to hear. You're on your way to see your dad?"  
  
"Yeah, and I guess you're going to see Mac."  
  
"You got it."  
  
"Well, I'll let you get back to your marine. Take care, Harm."  
  
"You too, Sturgis."  
  
Harm arrived at Mac's door and knocked before entering.  
  
"Hey, marine. How did it go with Dr. Morris?"  
  
Mac decided to have a little fun with Harm.  
  
"You really want to know?"  
  
"Why wouldn't I? Is something wrong?"  
  
Mac couldn't hide the smirk that was forming. Harm picked up on it immediately.  
  
"You're playing with me, aren't you?"  
  
"Maybe a little."  
  
"OOO...If you weren't injured, why I ..."  
  
"You would what, Harm? What would you do to me?"  
  
Suddenly there was a change in the atmosphere of the room. There was a charge that flowed between them. Mac watched Harm's eyes turn a smoky gray. She waited for what he would say next. Harm stepped up to the side of the bed, and he leaned in till he was an inch from her face. His voice was but a whisper.  
  
"What I would love to do to you would be dangerous to your health right now."  
  
Mac's breath caught in her throat. She couldn't believe he just said that. Harm, however, was very proud of himself. It's not everyday he makes Mac speechless. Mac decided to fight fire with fire. Harm could tell exactly when he lost the advantage. Mac's eyes turned the color of coal, and she inched just a little closer to him.  
  
"Well, I guess I better get better so WE both can do what we want to each other."  
  
That said, Mac pulled back and gazed into Harm's eyes. She didn't think his eyes could get any darker, but they did. They were as black as midnight. She also noticed that his breathing had increased. She knew what he wanted, because she wanted it too. But, not here. It took every once of control for Harm to not take Mac right there. He could see the wanting in her eyes, and he knew it was reflected in his own. God, the things she did to him. They were just talking, and his pants were already getting uncomfortable. He could just imagine what would happen when they both could act on their feelings. With a sigh, Harm pulled away. Clearing his throat, he finally spoke.  
  
"You definitely need to get better soon, Sarah. I don't know how much longer I can wait for you. We have so much to talk about and put to rest. I can be a very patient person, but you looking at me like that could try the patience of a saint.  
  
Mac blushed as she listened to his words. She knew he was telling the truth, because it was in his eyes. He also called her Sarah. He never calls her by her first name unless he's serious. Harm did mean every word he said. He wanted to be with Mac so bad. Not just physically, but emotionally too. They both knew they needed to finish this. They both needed to lay their cards on the table. When that happened, there would be no turning back, and neither wanted to. Harm pulled up the chair and grabbed Mac's hand.  
  
"So what did the doctor say?"  
  
"You want the good news or the good news?"  
  
"Gee. Let me think. I'll take the good news."  
  
"Good choice. The doctor said the chest tube will come out today."  
  
"That's excellent, Mac. That's sooner that expected."  
  
"Yeah. He said everything sounds great on my left side, so he wants to try it. I told him I was a quick healer."  
  
"That you are. So what's the other good news?"  
  
"I get to go home at the end of the week. They will be running tests on me the next couple of days, and if all is well, I go home Friday."  
  
"Really! Oh, Mac. That's so great!" "I thought you would be pleased."  
  
"Of course I am. I told you that I can't wait to get you home."  
  
"Yes, you did. Just remember I have to get better first."  
  
"I know, but I do get you all to myself at least."  
  
"Yes, you do."  
  
Just then, the doctor came in. When Harm saw him, he got up and moved out of the doctor's way.  
  
"So let's see about getting that chest tube out."  
  
"Whatever you say. One less thing attached to me, the better."  
  
"This may feel uncomfortable, but it'll be over quick."  
  
"Well, let's do it."  
  
The doctor explained the procedure to both Mac and Harm. As the doctor prepared to take the tube out, Mac reached out for Harm. He moved next to her and took her hand. He smiled at her, and he never broke eye contact with her. Just looking at him took all her fears away. Next thing she knew, the tube was out. She was so lost in Harm's eyes that she didn't even know he took it out.  
  
"There. All done. I'll just put a couple of stitches in, and we'll be done. How do you feel?"  
  
"I feel fine."  
  
"I'm going to listen to your lungs and make sure they're ok."  
  
The doctor listened to her lungs and found they were indeed ok. He ordered all necessary test, and said if all goes well, she will be released Friday. Mac and Harm were so excited. They both prayed that week would fly by. Throughout the week, Bud, Harriet, and AJ stopped by. Sturgis and his father also stopped by on occasion. Harm was finally able to get in touch with Coates and Mattie, who were on a camping trip. After being scolded by a teenager for not trying harder to find them, they said they would come home as soon as possible.  
  
The only person that was always with Mac was Harm. He never left her side. Everyone tried to send him home to at least freshen up, but he refused to leave. He was not leaving his marine alone anymore. Giving up, Bud went to Harm's apartment and packed his seabag. Everyone was anxious for Friday to come, especially Harm and Mac. They continued to talk, but they made sure it was just casual conversation. They didn't want to test the waters again with a intense conversation again. Neither was sure they would be able to get through another one of those without ripping the other's clothes off.  
  
Friday finally came, and the doctor had the results of all of Mac's tests. They all came back normal, and the doctor released her. Harm was given all her release papers, prescriptions and instructions for cleaning her wounds. He was lucky about not having to clean of dress the wounds so far. A nurse came in everyday to help Mac bathe and cleaned and dressed her wounds. Now the real test would come. Harm had to do it all by himself. Harm decided to give it a dry run of sorts. He had already sent the crew down to his rental car to put all of Mac's things up. This left them alone, and she needed to change into her clothes. The nurse offered to help, but Harm said he needed the practice, and there was no time like the present to start. They both decided that it would be best if Mac's back was facing Harm as he dressed her top. Once her shirt was on, she turned to him and sat on the bed. Harm then put on her pants and slippers. Once they were finished, they decided that this was something they would be able to handle, or so they thought. This was only the first time they did this. They would have to do this everyday for the next five to seven weeks. Harm still had to help her bathe, and that was a very different ball of wax.  
  
Harm helped Mac into her wheelchair, and began wheeler her to the car. They had discussed where she would stay earlier in the week. It was decided that it would be easier for Mac to stay at her apartment, since there were no stairs to climb. Neither really cared where they stayed. Just as long as they were together. Harm helped Mac into the car. With goodbyes said and done, Harm and Mac left for home. Now the fun was about to start.

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Well there is it. I hoped you enjoyed this chapter. Much shipperness in it. I know most want a kiss, and believe me, it's coming. It will be one neither will ever forget. Now all you have to do is hit that lilac button and review. You know you want to. (evil grin) 


	17. Can We Do This?

AN: Thank you so much for the review. I especially want to thank those who have reviewed every chapter. It's good to know I have so many interested in this story. For those who read and don't review, that's cool. I just hope you enjoy what you read. 

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Harm pulled the car up to the door of Mac's apartment and got out. Mac had already unbuckled her seatbelt and was getting out, when Harm stopped her. Harm took her arms and put them around his neck. He then swept her legs and started to make his way to the door. Mac didn't even have time to react. All she could do was chuckle at him.  
  
"You're incorrigible. You know that?"  
  
Flashing his flyboy grin, Harm responded.  
  
"Yeah, but you love me anyway."  
  
Mac chose not to respond. She knew she wanted to agree with him, but now was not a good time. She wanted to make sure she could start and finish that conversation. Harm knew she wanted to say something. He saw it in her eyes. He was glad she didn't though. He didn't want to go there just yet.  
  
Harm carried Mac all the way to her apartment door. He got her keys out and opened the door. Once the door was opened, Mattie and Jen jumped out yelling surprise. Mac couldn't believe what she saw. Her apartment was covered in balloons and had a huge banner hanging that read: Welcome Home Mac! Tears formed in her eyes as she took in the site. Harm carried her to the couch and gently placed her on it. Mattie and Jen came around the couch and stood next to Harm.  
  
"You planned all this for me?"  
  
"It was their idea, Mac. They felt bad about not being there when you were in the hospital. They wanted to make it up to you."  
  
"Thank you both so much. This means so much to me."  
  
"It was nothing, Mac. We were glad to do it."  
  
"We're just happy you are still with us."  
  
"Yeah, we even bought you dinner."  
  
"Really?"  
  
Mattie went into the kitchen and brought out the food. Mac laughed when she saw it.  
  
"Beltway Burgers! How did you know?"  
  
"A little birdie told us."  
  
Both looked at Harm, and he glanced at the ceiling and whistled.  
  
"You mean you're actually going to let me eat animal flesh?"  
  
"I told you that you could have whatever you wanted. If that involves a cholesterol ridden piece of dead animal, then you can have it."  
  
"You make it sound so appetizing."  
  
"I call it like I see it."  
  
"Don't worry, Harm. We got you something, too."  
  
Jen went into the kitchen and brought out the rest of the food. She had Beltway Burgers for her and Mattie, and a salad for Harm. They all sat around and talked while they ate. Mac filled them in on everything the doctor said. Jen and Mattie told them about their camping trip. Mattie also talked about the possibility of going back to her dad. He had called earlier in the day, and he wanted her to come visit for a couple of days. Mac took a chance and looked at Harm. He looked so sad, but he hid it well. After dinner was finished, Jen and Mattie helped clean up and decided to leave Harm and Mac alone. Harm sat on the couch, and he put Mac's feet on his lap and began massaging them. "So how does it feel to be home?"  
  
"It feels great to be home. You know I don't like hospitals. I'm just happy I'm out of that place."  
  
"I know how you feel. They have too many bad memories for me."  
  
"Yeah. What Jen and Mattie did was nice."  
  
"It was. They wanted to do something special for you, so I suggested this."  
  
"How are you doing about the whole Mattie/dad thing?"  
  
"I know my ultimate goal was to help her get back with her dad, but...I'm going to miss her, Mac! I've gotten so attached to her."  
  
"I know it's going to be hard, Harm, but you can get through this. You have me to help you."  
  
"I do?"  
  
"Yes. As long as you want."  
  
Harm's first thought was to suggest forever, but he shoved that thought away. He didn't need to open that can of worms yet. As if on cue, they both looked at the clock. Noticing what they did brought a smile to their faces.  
  
"I see it's getting late. You ready to turn in?"  
  
"I am pretty tired. It's been a long day."  
  
"Yes, it has. Um...uh...do you usually take your bath in the morning or night?"  
  
"I usually bathe at night. It helps me to relax."  
  
"Ok. Do you have a preference for sleeping attire, madam?"  
  
"I usually have pajamas to wear, but I didn't do any laundry."  
  
"Leave it to the Navy to save your six. I think I have something you can wear. I'll go get everything ready, and then I'll call you."  
  
"I'll let you slide on that Navy comment, squid. Just call when you're ready."  
  
Harm got up and went to Mac's bedroom. Here was his first test of the evening. Mac's underwear drawer. Trying to convince himself that he could do this, he reached in and pulled out the first pair of panties he could get a hold of. Deciding it wasn't as hard as he thought it would be, he went into his seabag and pulled out a shirt. A shirt a certain marine would laugh at. Now that he had everything he needed, Harm went into the bathroom and called out to Mac.  
  
"Do you need to wash your hair tonight?"  
  
"No. I did that this morning."  
  
Harm turned on the water and filled the tub. Once he was finished, he called for Mac to come on in. He waited a few minutes, and when she didn't show, he came out to find her. She was sitting on the edge of the couch.  
  
"Are you ok?"  
  
"I'm having trouble getting up."  
  
"Oh, Mac. I'm sorry. I should have known better."  
  
"It's ok. The doctor did say I can get up and move around. He just doesn't want me to overdo it."  
  
"Here. Let me help you."  
  
Harm came up to her and helped her stand. They then made their way to the bathroom. Once there, Harm sat Mac down on the toilet. Both knew this would be a lot different that the hospital. For one, Mac couldn't exactly straddle the toilet. She could stand and let him help her, but he wanted her to rest. He didn't want her to hurt herself. She would have protested, but he was right. She needed to give her leg a couple of days to limber up. Looking down at her and taking a deep breath, Harm spoke.  
  
"You ready?"  
  
"Ready as I'll ever be."  
  
Harm reached down and helped her take off her shirt. It hurt at first thanks to her ribs, but they were able to get it off. They both though that wasn't so bad. Next came her pants. Those weren't as hard to get off. Again, each thought they could handle this. Then came the bras and panties. That's when the problems arose in more ways than one.  
  
Having Harm touching her bare skin was reeking havoc on her control. She wanted him to touch her like this for so long, and now he was. Harm, meantime, was happy he was wearing loose fitting clothes. It made his reaction a little more bearable. Both struggled to find their control. Each had no idea how they would get through the next five to seven weeks like this. Harm grabbed the trash bag, and wrapped Mac's arm in it. He then helped her into the tub. If they thought getting her undressed was hard on their control, they were dead wrong. The biggest test was about to come. He had to help her wash. Of course, he didn't help the matter by taking his shirt off. His reasoning was to not get it wet. Yeah, right was Mac's only thought.  
  
Harm reached over and grabbed the washcloth and put some body wash on it. He then began washing her back. Each thought this is what heaven must feel like. Harm couldn't get enough of it. He discarded the washcloth and put body wash on his hands. He used his hands to finish washing her back. Mac and Harm were drifting in a lost sea of emotions, and if they weren't careful, they were going to capsize.  
  
Control was definitely out the window. Harm couldn't hold out any longer. He had to taste her. Moving so he could face her, Harm looked into her eyes. They were black. Passion emanating from them. He knew what she wanted, and he wanted it to. Slowly he descended till his lips were mere inches from hers. Taking one last look to ensure this is what she wanted, Harm closed the distance and pressed his lips to hers. Passion exploded within them. With that passion came something unexpected. Memories. Memories of dreams thought to be forgotten. Dreams of a time they almost lost each other. The kiss ended abruptly, both confused as to what just happened. Neither could make heads or tails of the memories swimming in their heads. Mac was first to speak.  
  
"I think it might be best if I finish washing myself, Harm. I'll call you when I'm done."  
  
Harm's first thought was to protest. He thought she was pushing him away. He thought he crossed the line. Mac must have read his mind because she quickly told him.  
  
"I'm not turning you away, Harm. I'm not sorry the kiss happened. I wanted it just as much as you did. To tell you the truth, I want more, but not now. Something happened when we kissed. A door was opened and memories came through. I don't know if that happened to you, but I need to sort them out."  
  
"It did, Mac. One minute I was kissing you, and the next, all these scenes came flashing through my head. I have to admit that I thought you were pushing me away, and that I did something wrong. I, too, am not sorry I kissed you. It was the sweetest kiss I ever had, and I definitely want more. But you're right. We both need to sort this out in our heads. Maybe we can discuss it tomorrow."  
  
"Sounds like a good idea. I definitely want to talk to you about the memories and other things."  
  
"Yeah, there's definitely more to this conversation, marine. I'll leave you to your bath. You tempt me too much."  
  
"That's the pot calling the kettle black. I'm not the one standing there with no shirt on."  
  
"No. You're sitting in the tub naked."  
  
"Point taken. I'll leave to your bath."  
  
Harm walked out of the bathroom and sat on the couch. He couldn't figure out what the hell was happening. Where did these memories come from, and why did they surface now? Mac was having the same thoughts. She decided not to think about it and finished her bath. Once she as done, she called out to Harm. She had to call him a couple of times before he heard her. He knocked and walked in.  
  
"For a minute, I thought abandoned me."  
  
"Sorry. My mind was somewhere else."  
  
"Join the club."  
  
"I take it that you're ready to get out."  
  
"Yeah"  
  
Harm reached down and helped Mac to stand up. He quickly covered her with a towel, and he helped her out of the tub. The passion they felt earlier was gone. It was lost but not forgotten. It laid dormant. Just below the surface. Waiting to be awaken. Harm helped her get dressed. He laughed when she saw the shirt he picked out for her. It was navy blue and had Property of the US Navy on it.  
  
"What is this suppose to mean?"  
  
"What? It's just a shirt, Mac."  
  
"Yeah, but Property of the US Navy, Harm. You couldn't find anything else. I have my marine pride to protect here."  
  
"I know you do, but you haven't seen what I'm wearing to bed yet."  
  
"Well go change, squid."  
  
"Aye, aye ma'am."  
  
Harm helped Mac to her bed and cleaned and dressed all wounds before going to change. He also gave Mac the medication she needed. He went into the bathroom, took a quick shower, and put on a pair of boxers and a shirt. When he walked out, laughter could be heard down the hall. Harm was wearing a red shirt that had Property of the US Marines on it with green boxers on.  
  
"I take it you approve?"  
  
"Oh yes. I definitely approve." "Well, goodnight, Mac."  
  
"Where are you going?"  
  
"To sleep on the couch."  
  
"You know you could sleep in here, Harm. There's plenty of room."  
  
"You're sure?"  
  
"I wouldn't have offered if I wasn't. Come here, flyboy."  
  
Harm climbed in next to Mac. Mac quickly moved next to Harm and laid her head on his chest. Harm carefully wrapped his arms around her.  
  
"I'm not hurting you am I?"  
  
"No. You're fine. Goodnight, Harm."  
  
"Goodnight, Mac."  
  
Both drifted off to sleep wondering what those memories meant. Each hoping to be able to sort them out and put them to rest with the rest of the memories.

* * *

Well there's the next installment. There is the kiss most of you begged for. I do have one question. I would like to take this to the next level, if you know what I mean, but I don't know how far I should go language wise. Any advise would be appreciated. Now all you have to do is hit that little lilac button and review. You know you want to. (evil grin) 


	18. What Kind Of Dream Was That?

AN: Sorry for such a short update. I'm on my way to Pass Christian, and I won't be back till Sunday. I hope to have an update posted by Sunday night. Thanks for the ideas about taking it to the next level. Don't worry. I don't do smut. It will be done tastefully.

* * *

Mac woke up the next morning to the smell of breakfast. She moved to the side of the bed and attempted to get up. She was able to get up and made her way to the kitchen. Once there, she found Harm frying sausage and bacon. Harm sensed someone was there, and he turned around. Even with messy hair, he thought she looked beautiful. He smiled at her as he spoke.

"How did you sleep?"

"Like a baby."

"You really shouldn't be up, Mac."

"Harm, I understand your concern, but I do need to move around. Besides, my hip and leg aren't very sore this morning."

"Ok. I'm sorry. I just worry about you."

"I don't mind."

"Really? You usually get annoyed when I become protective."

"Things change, Harm."

"Yes, they do."

"So, what's on the menu?"

"You get to enjoy the Rabb omelet, bacon, sausage, and toast. To help wash it down, I have freshly squeezed orange juice."

"Oh Harm, you shouldn't have."

"I know, but it's not everyday I get to pamper you."

"You know I could get used to this."

"Good. It'll make things easier."

"Will make what easier?"

"Our conversation we need to have. My plan it to spoil you into giving me everything I want."

"What makes you think I'll fall for it?"

Mac could see the change immediately in Harm. His eyes darkened, and his voice became husky.

"Don't worry. You will. When I'm done with you, you'll be begging for more."

That statement sent chills down Mac's spine. Oh, the thoughts it conjured up. It reminded them both of the kiss last night. That kiss, by far, was the best kiss they shared. Each put every ounce of feeling into it. With that kiss, however, came those memories. Harm had been up for quite some time before he made breakfast. He had a dream about the visions he had last night. He remembered hearing voices of people he knew. Then there was a conversation with Webb. Next thing he knew, he saw Mac, and she was crying. He talked with her, and then he felt a force that pulled him out of the dream. The scene immediately changed and he and Mac were lying in a field looking at the clouds. They talked and then kissed. That kiss is what woke him up. He still didn't understand what any of it meant. He hoped Mac could help him sort it out. Little did he know, Mac was just as confused as he was. She had time to think about the memories when she woke up bright eyed and bushy tailed at 2:00 in the morning. What she remembered the most was the pain and helplessness she felt. She remembered all the things said to her. She also remembered Harm being there, and the kiss they shared. She had an idea what it was, but she wanted to talk to Harm about it first. They were so lost in thought, that they lost track of time. As if an alarm sounded, they both returned to reality at the same time.

"I think we were thinking about the same thing."

"I think you're right."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not right now, Harm. Why don't we eat and get everything settled before we talk."

"Sounds good to me."

Harm fixed the table, and he and Mac ate in a comfortable silence for most of the time. They did talk occasionally, but it remained casual. Harm cleaned up the table and helped Mac to the couch.

"Mac, I have to go home to get some more clothes. Bud only packed enough for me for the time I was in the hospital with you."

"That's not a problem, Harm. Go do what you have to do. It's not like I can go anywhere."

"I know, Mac. I just don't like leaving you alone the day after you get out the hospital."

"Harm, I'll be fine. I'm just going to sit hear and read for a while. I'm probably going to take a nap later. I'm still tired."

"Well, if you're sure. I promise I won't be gone long. If you need anything, just call."

"I will. Now go."

"I'm going, but first there's one thing I have to do first."

"What's that?"

Harm walked over to Mac, bent down, and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. It was so soft that Mac almost cried. Harm pulled back and locked eyes with Mac.

"Take care, Sarah. I'll be back in about an hour. I'll stop at the grocery for supplies."

"Be careful, Harm."

With that, he was gone. Both felt the loss of the other. Emptiness filled the room. Mac wanted him to stay and never leave, but she thought she had no right to ask him to do that. Harm yearned to be with Mac. He really didn't want to go, but he did have to get some clothes and groceries. He wanted to stay with her and never leave her side.

Mac tried to pass the time by reading. She read until she started to feel tired. She decided to curl up and take a nap. Once asleep, she entered into a dream state that was familiar to her. She saw herself walking in a fog. She called out, and no one answered. Then she saw a shadow in the distance. It was a shadow of a man. At first, she though it was Harm, but soon realized he was too short to be Harm. She continued to walk towards him. Once she was close enough, the man spoke.

"Hello, Sarah."

"Clay? What are you doing here?"

"I had to know."

"Know what?"

"Why you didn't come with me."

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean. You could have left with me, and we could have been happy forever. Why didn't you?"

"Because, I don't want to be with you Clay."

"Why not, Sarah? I love you!"

"I'm sorry, Clay, but I don't love you. I never did. It was a mistake to get involved with you."

"It's Rabb. Isn't it? He's the reason behind this."

"He didn't make the decision, Clay. I did. I can't be with you. I have somewhere more important to be."

"You love him. Don't you?"

"With all my heart."

"They go to him, Sarah. Tell him how you feel. All I ever wanted was to make you happy. I hope Rabb can do that for you."

"He can, and he does, Clay."

"Then I will leave you be. Take care, Sarah."

With that, Clay was gone. Mac dreamt of him no more. They both got the closure then needed. The rest of Mac's dreams were filled with her and her handsome flyboy. She was so out of it, that she didn't hear Harm come in. Once he left her, Harm rushed home, grabbed what he needed, and hurried to the grocery. While there, he saw a card and a teddy bear he couldn't pass up. It had Mac written all over it. When he opened the door, he was happy to see she was asleep. He was able to hide his gifts in her bedroom. He decided to let her sleep and went about putting up the groceries.

Once he was done, he went into the bedroom and got the card. He wanted to leave a message for her to read. Harm took a moment to look at the card. The outside was decorated with a beautiful red rose and below it was written **_Life._** He knew this was the card he wanted as soon as he looked at it. To him, this rose symbolized the day he met Mac. The day his life began. He opened the card and read what's inside.

_Your first breath_

_Your first step_

_Your first day of school_

_Your first date_

_Your first kiss_

_Your first love_

_The journey through life has many firsts for us to experience. _

_I hope to experience many more firsts with you in my life._

Harm knew his life had many firsts, but none held a candle to the day he met Mac. He remembered it like it was yesterday. She took his breath away, and then breathed new life into him. She helped him experience so many things for the first time. He finally discovered what love was like. Sure, he had feelings for Diane, but was it love? He never got a chance to figure it out. Now he was certain. He loved Mac, and he wanted her to know it. The only problem was how he should do it. He knew he had trouble putting two words together when it cam to Mac. He thought the card would put the wheels in motion. He was going to give it to her with the teddy bear, but he decided to wait till they were ready to talk. Whenever that would be.

* * *

Well there's the next chapter. I hope you enjoyed it. Now all you have to do is hit the lilac button and review. You know you want to. (evil grin) 


	19. How Do We Do This?

AN: Here's another exciting chapter for all of you to enjoy. Thanks again for all the reviews.

* * *

Harm sat there for a few moments and thought about what to write. He never had any trouble writing his closing arguments. The fate of his clients never affected him. This time, however, it decided his future. He wanted Mac to know how he felt. He also wanted her to know how serious he was about their future together. There was no other person he wanted to be with. Grabbing a pen he began to write.  
  
_Sarah,  
  
It took me 5 minutes just to figure out how to start this. When I was in the grocery today, I saw this card. It seemed to fit us like a glove. I didn't know what life was till I met you. You came into my life and turned it upside down. For that, I am thankful. You are the first person I would trust with my life. The problem was could I trust you with my heart. You know I am a very private person. I always kept the most private parts of my life secret. That way, I couldn't be hurt. I would be risking nothing. Since the accident, my life had changed once again because of you. And again, I am thankful. I don't want to keep my life private anymore. I want to share it with someone. I want them to understand who I am. Most of all, I want to give that person my heart. That person is you Sarah Mackenzie. I would love nothing more to share my heart with you. I know this all my seem so sudden, but believe me it's not. I have had feelings for you for so many years. Fear has kept them at bay. I am not afraid anymore. I want to face my fears, and I think I can with you by my side. With your help, I know I can be a better person.  
  
Yours truly, _

_Harm  
  
_Harm reread the letter a couple of times before deciding it was good enough. He hoped he wouldn't scare her off. The card was meant to open the doors of communication. If this didn't do it, he didn't know what would. Harm just put the card up when he heard Mac begin to wake up. He walked over to the couch and looked into some very sleepy eyes.  
  
"Hi."  
  
"Hey yourself. How are you feeling?"  
  
"I'm still tired, but not as sore."  
  
"I can tell. You still look sleepy."  
  
"When did you get back?"  
  
"About 30 minutes ago."  
  
"Why didn't you wake me?"  
  
"You needed your sleep, Mac."  
  
"I know, but you could have woken me up. I wouldn't have minded."  
  
"I know, but you looked so beautiful when you slept."  
  
"I do?"  
  
"Yeah. I forgot how beautiful you are."  
  
Memories of a year ago came to the surface as those familiar words were spoken. Neither wanted to think about Paraguay, so they pushed the memories aside. Silence loomed in the air before Harm spoke.  
  
"You hungry?"  
  
"A little."  
  
"You want me to fix you something?"  
  
"Yeah. How about a sandwich?"  
  
"A sandwich it is. What kind?"  
  
"Ham and cheese."  
  
"Coming right up."  
  
Harm fixed both of them sandwiches, and they ate on the couch. Once they were finished, Harm asked what she wanted to do.  
  
"I'm not sure. There's not a lot I can do yet."  
  
"We could talk."  
  
"I don't know if we're ready for that talk, Harm."  
  
"I don't mean that one, Mac. I mean we can talk about what happened when we kissed last night."  
  
"Oh. Ok. Where do we start?"  
  
"I'll be the gentleman and let you start."  
  
"Gee. Thanks."  
  
"Anytime."  
  
"The memories are clearer now. I remember it all. I also think I know when they took place."  
  
"Good, because I don't have a clue about what's going on."  
  
"I think they happened while I was in a coma. Clay, my father, Dalton, and Chris were there. You were there, too."  
  
"I think we had the same dream. Webb was in mine, and I heard other voices, too. You were also in it."  
  
"It was dark, and they all were around me. They kept telling me to give up the fight. When I would resist, they would badger and belittle me. I felt so lost and helpless, Harm. Then you came."  
  
"Yeah, Webb wouldn't let me see you at first." "But you came to me."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"You tried to help me, and you tried to encourage me to fight. I wouldn't listen to you. Then we argued. I told you to leave me alone, and you did. You just left me."  
  
"It wasn't my choice, Mac. Webb grabbed me and forced me out somehow. I didn't want to go. I wanted to stay with you."  
  
"It was so horrible after you left. I was so depressed that I did give up, but then I heard you. You told me to fight."  
  
"I did."  
  
"It was your voice that gave me the will to survive."  
  
"You did all you work, Mac."  
  
"But you helped. Next thing I know, I'm lying in a field looking at the clouds. Then you came and joined me."  
  
"We talked about the decision you made, and I fell asleep."  
  
"Yeah. While you were asleep, I heard AJ, Bud and Harriet talking to me. They asked me not to give up and come back to them. With all the help I got from all of you, I decided it was time to wake up, but I had to wake you up first, flyboy."  
  
"With a kiss. A kiss. That's it, Mac. I think I figured out the rest."  
  
"Rest of what?"  
  
"Why we couldn't remember the dreams. We kissed, Mac. Before we went through the doors, we kissed. That must have locked the memories away."  
  
"That makes sense. Maybe the memories were waiting for the right time to resurface."  
  
"There's one thing I still don't get though."  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"How did we end up in the same dream?"  
  
"I'm not sure, Harm, but you know we always had a connection."  
  
"Your right. You did find me in the middle of the Atlantic." "So I don't see why it couldn't work for you. Maybe my mind knew what I needed, and it brought you to me."  
  
"Possibly, but you have to admit that it seems abnormal."  
  
"Harm, when is anything we experience normal."  
  
"Point taken. Well, I, for one, am glad we figured it out."  
  
"Me, too."  
  
"So, what do you want to do now? Do you want to continue this conversation or not?"  
  
"Harm, I would love to continue this conversation and move it to our discussion about our relationship but..."  
  
Mac's voice faded out. She didn't want Harm to know just yet why she wanted to wait. She wanted to have that conversation unhindered. She wanted to be free to say and act how she wanted. She also didn't want Harm to know about the dream she just had about her and Clay. She figured she would tell him when they have their next talk. Harm sensed her distress and grabbed her hand.  
  
"I understand, Mac. I want to finish this, too, but you need to get better first. That way, nothing will hold us back."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"Not a problem. Since talking is out, how about a movie?"  
  
"Sounds good to me. Any ideas?"  
  
"You know what I like to watch, Mac."  
  
"I am not watching A Few Good Men or Top Gun, Harm."  
  
"Well then. What do you want to watch?"  
  
"How about The Last Samurai? That has enough action for you."  
  
"Sounds good to me. I'll put it in."  
  
Harm got up and put the DVD in. He was walking back to her when he remembered something.  
  
"I got something for you. I'll be right back."  
  
Harm went into the bedroom and grabbed the teddy bear. Mac laughed when he brought it out to her. The teddy bear was dressed in a doctor's coat and had a stethoscope around its neck.  
  
"He's so cute, Harm. Thank you."  
  
"I figure he could take care of you when I have to leave at times."  
  
"You think he can handle it?"  
  
"Absolutely. He's a tough bear. Is there anything you need while I'm up?"  
  
"How about some popcorn?"  
  
"Coming right up."  
  
Harm popped some popcorn and sat down next to Mac. The movie started, and both watched it in a comfortable silence. Harm was sitting on one end of the couch, and Mac was leaning against him with her legs on the couch. It seemed they did this all the time, when, in fact, they hadn't done this in a while. Both knew their relationship to a major beating over the past year. They hadn't spent a night like this together is such a long time. Mac always used Webb as an excuse, and Harm just gave up trying. He figured that if she was happy with Webb, he would be happy for her. They were so distant, but they were starting to rebuild it. Now, it seemed the past year never happened. This felt so right to the both of them. They were so comfortable with each other.  
  
When the movie was over, both were ready to call it a day. Harm helped Mac to the bathroom and got the shower going. Last night just about killed them, but tonight was going to be a bigger test. Mac wanted to wash her hair, and Harm had to figure out how to do that without getting drenched. He made a decision that shocked them both. He helped wrap Mac's arm and then helped her into the shower. He then stripped naked and joined her. Mac's breath caught in her throat when she realized what was happening.  
  
"H...arm? What are you doing?"  
  
"I'm helping you wash your hair."  
  
"But you're naked."  
  
"Looks that way to me."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Two reasons. One. I didn't want to get drenched helping you shower, and this seemed to be the best way to help you. Two. I already saw you naked, so it only seemed fair."  
  
Mac couldn't believe what she was hearing or experiencing. Harm was naked and in a shower with her. This was one of her favorite fantasies. Although, she still hadn't really seen him. When he stepped in, her back was to him. She took a chance and turned around to face him. She couldn't breathe much less speak. He was gorgeous. She thought God certainly broke the mold when He made Harm. She started at his eyes and worked her way down. Every muscle in his chest was well defined. Her eyes continued to travel down his washboard stomach, and stopped right at the apex of his legs. Oh, yeah, she thought. Definitely broke the mold. She tore her eyes away and continued her journey going down his well-sculpted legs. She made her journey back up and met his eyes. She couldn't believe it. Harm was actually blushing. Now that was the last thing she expected to see. Didn't he know how handsome he is? Women threw themselves at him every change they got. How couldn't he know?  
  
"Harm?"  
  
"Y...eah?"  
  
"You, ok?"  
  
"Uh...yeah. Why?"  
  
"You're blushing."  
  
"I am?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"Nothing to be sorry about, Harm. You are handsome beyond compare."  
  
"You really think so?"  
  
"Harmon Rabb, Jr. I know so, and you do, too. Why are you blushing?"  
  
"I never really thought myself as that good looking, Mac."  
  
"You could have fooled me. You act like you think you're God's gift sometime."  
  
"Acting it, and thinking it are two different things."  
  
"You never had a woman look at you like I did?"  
  
"Yeah, but this is different, Mac. I didn't lo...care about them like I care about you."  
  
"I guess I should be flattered." "You should, Sarah."  
  
Silence emanated for the next few minutes. Revelations were being made way too soon. Harm didn't want to tell her that he loved her, but he almost did. Mac heard the slip up and decided not to pursue it. Now is definitely not the time. Someone had to end this before it got too far. Since she started it, Mac decided to finish it.  
  
"So are you going to help me wash my hair or not?"  
  
"Your wish is my command."  
  
Harm helped Mac wash her hair, and then he washed his. They both got out and headed into the bedroom. Mac laid on the bed, while Harm put on the medicine for her wounds. They were healing very nicely. There probably wouldn't be much scarring. Harm enjoyed this part of his job. It gave him a chance to look at Mac's body without needing a reason. He loved being able to touch her soft skin. The only problem was the instant reaction he had when he would touch her. Thank goodness that didn't happen while they were in the shower. Once her wounds were taken care of, Harm helped her get dress. Once he was dressed, he gave Mac her meds and climbed into bed. Assuming the same position as the night before, they both drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Well there it is. I hope you enjoyed it. Now all you have to do is hit the little lilac button and review. You know you want to. (evil grin) 


	20. Do We Really Want To Back Away?

AN: WOW! I take it everyone enjoyed the shower scene. I must say it was one of my favs, too. Thanks for the resposes. I hope you enjoy the next installment.

* * *

Mac awoke the next morning cradled in Harm's arms. She felt so safe in his arms. She thought she could stay like this forever. She didn't even realize she was drawing circles on his chest till she heard him chuckle. 

"That tickles."

"Sorry."

"Don't be. I like it."

"Oh. Ok."

"How are you feeling?"

"Better everyday. I feel I could walk a mile. Of course, I haven't gotten out of bed yet. I'm too comfortable to move."

"You are. Are you?"

"Yeah."

"Good."

"There's only one problem."

"What's that?"

"I'm hungry."

"Figures. What would you like?"

"I have a sweet tooth this morning. How about cinnamon roles?"

"Sounds good to me. You can stay here, Mac. I'll bring it to you."

"You don't have to."

"I know. I want to."

"Part of your master plan, right?"

"Right."

Harm got out of bed and headed for the kitchen. While he was baking the cinnamon roles, the phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Good morning, sir. How are you?"

"Fine, Bud, and you?"

"We're all fine over here."

"What can I do for you, Bud?"

"Harriet and I were wondering if we can come by today with the boys. AJ is worried about "his aunt Mac," and he wants to make sure she's ok."

"I don't have a problem with it. Let me ask the invalid."

"You better not let her hear you call her that, sir."

"I'm crazy, not stupid, Bud. Besides, I don't have a death wish. Hey, Mac!"

"Yeah?"

"Bud and Harriet want to bring the boys by today. Your godson is worried about you."

"Oh. So he's my godson now. I don't see why not."

"Sounds like a plan, Bud. What time?"

"Around 1400. Jimmy is usually up from his nap by then."

"Ok. See you at 1400."

Harm hung up with Bud and finished the cinnamon roles. Pouring two glasses of orange juice, he made his way to the bedroom.

"Breakfast is served."

"Thanks."

"So, what do you want to do today."

"Well I have two choices. Sit in the bed or sit on the couch."

"So, what will it be?"

"The couch I guess. That way, I won't have to move when Bud, Harriet, and the boys arrive."

"Ok."

They finished breakfast, and Harm helped Mac to the couch. Once she was settled, Harm decided to clean up and do some laundry. Mac was able to catch up on a book she was reading. They both felt like this was how it should be. They thought they should be together like this. Harm was going downstairs to get the last of the laundry when Bud, Harriet and the boys showed up.

"Hey guys. Come on in. I was just headed out to get the clothes."

"Uncle Harm!"

"Hey, buddy. Aunt Mac is inside waiting for you. You can go see her, but remember she has a big owwie."

"I will, Uncle Harm."

"Go ahead in. I'll be back in a minute."

"I'll walk with you, sir."

"Bud. It's the weekend. Let's try Harm. Ok?"

"Ok, si…I mean Harm."

"Let's go."

Harm and Bud made their way downstairs to the laundry area while Harriet kept Mac company.

"Hello, Aunt Mac."

"Hey, AJ. How are you?"

"I'm ok. Mommy says you have an owwie."

"Yes I do."

"Why don't you get Uncle Harm to kiss it better? Mommy kisses all my owwies, and they feel much better after that."

"Well, we'll see, AJ."

"Ok. Mommy, can I go play with Jimmy?"

"Sure. Just be careful with him."

"I will."

AJ went over to where Jimmy was and grabbed a rattle. He shook it in front of Jimmy's face and made him laugh. That brought smiles to Harriet and Mac. Harriet then turned to her.

"How are you really doing, ma'am?"

"Harriet. One. It's Mac. Two. I'm fine."

"How does it feel to have Harm here?"  
  
"Honestly, I love having him here. I'm so scared about what to do when he leaves."

"You think he will?"

"Why wouldn't he?"

"Because you love him, and he loves you."  
  
"What makes you say that?"

"Mac, I'm not blind. I can see the feelings you two share even though you both are too stubborn to admit them. Besides, you didn't see him the night of the accident Mac, I have never seen Harm breakdown like that. He looked so lost."

"We never really talked about that night."

"You should, Mac. Then you can tell him how you feel."

"I want to so bad. I'm just so scared."

"What are you scared of?"

"That he doesn't love me."

"I'm sure he loves you, Mac. He's here now, and he is taking care of you completely. Which brings me to my next question. How is the showering going?"

"Oh, Harriet. You're terrible."

Mac couldn't help but blush. It was something that Harriet picked up on quickly.

"I see. I take it is going well then."

"I…uh…"

"It's ok, Mac. I can see by the look on your fact that there's more to him helping you shower."

"We haven't done anything, Harriet."

"But you want to."

"I…uh…Oh hell. I might as well tell you. You would probably figure it out anyway. The first night he helped me bathe, and we kissed. The, last night, he helped me was my hair, and he was naked."

"Really! Oh my goodness. What did you do?"

"What could I do? I wanted to jump him, but all I could do was stare."

"I bet he was a sight to see."

"Harriet!"

"I'm married, Mac, not blind. Is there more?"

"No that's it. He does sleep in the bed with me."

"Does he behave?"

"Yes, he does."

"That's sweet. I hope you know I mean well, Mac. I just want you to be happy. Please, talk to him and tell him how you feel."

"I plan to do that when I'm better."

"Ok."

Harriet and Mac continued to talk while Harm was being grilled by Bud.

"Have you told her how you felt yet?"

"No, Bud. I haven't."

"Why not, Harm?"

"Because it's not the right time. I want to have this conversation with her when she's better."

"Why?"

"Lets just say I'm having a hard enough time trying to not want her. If we reveal how we feel now, then it will just compound the problem. I need all the control I can muster. Knowing Mac loves me will lessen me control."

"You do know she loves you?"

"I'm pretty sure she does, but she hasn't said it yet."

"Trust me. She does. I just hope she gets better soon."

"Me too, Bud. I don't know how much longer I can help he like this and keep my wanting her at bay."

"You are a stronger man than I am."

"That's what you think. We've came so close a couple of times already."

"That's to be expected. You both love each other and have tried to deny it for years. Now you're both in a situation that opens the door to more intimacy. It's hard no to want to walk through."

"You're telling me. Come on, Bud. We better head back up. I don't need a hungry marine on my hands."

"Yeah, I know what you mean. With Harriet pregnant with twins, she's insatiable."

"I'll tell her you said that."

"You wouldn't dare."

"Care to bet on that?"

"I would rather not. You would probably do it anyway."

"You got that right. Now lets go feed our women."

Harm and Bud made their way back to the apartment. Harriet was busy feeding Jimmy, and Mac was helping AJ eat. Mac looked up when they walked in.

"I though you both got lost."

"Sorry about that. We were just talking."

"It's ok. We were doing the same thing."

"So what do you want to eat?"

"Harriet had a craving for pizza, so we ordered a meat lovers and a vegetarian pizza."

"Harriet! You want pizza for lunch?"

"Why not, Bud?"

Harm leaned over and whispered to Bud.

"I wouldn't argue with her, Bud. I've learned never to get in the way of a woman and her food."

"What are you whispering over there, squid?"

"Oh, nothing, Mac. I'm just giving Bud some advice."

"Right, and just what were you advising him on?"

"Uh…Nothing specific."

"Yeah, right. Bud?"

"I'm sorry, Harm. I have to go with her."

"Traitor."

"He just said to give you what you want. You deserve it."

"Well, why didn't he say that in the first place?"

"I don't know. Maybe he didn't want you to know he's a big softie."

Under her breath, Mac added.

"There's nothing soft on him. Nothing I couldn't remedy anyway."

Mac didn't know anyone heard her till she noticed Harm blush. Realizing he heard, she blushed also. Harriet and Bud could make most of it out, but chose not to comment. Harriet decided to break the silence.

"So what are you planning to do today, Mac?"

That got the ball rolling. Everyone sat and talked about anything and everything.. The pizza finally arrived, and they ate. They were enjoying their meal when the phone rang. It was AJ checking in on Mac. Satisfied that she was being taken care of and threatening Harm's existence if he hurt Mac in any way, he hung up. Harm began eating again. Five minutes later, the phone rang. It was Mattie and Jen. They were checking up on Mac, and Mattie wanted to say goodbye. Her dad wanted her to come over earlier than expected and stay a couple of weeks instead. Harm wasn't happy when he heard this, but he let her go. The last person to call was Sturgis. He let them know his dad was home and ok. He also wanted to check on Mac. Harm hung up with him, and he turned to the group.

"I think they planned that. That's the first time we heard from them since Mac came home."

"They probably wanted to make sure you and Mac were settled before they called."

"Yeah. You're probably right."

The pizza gone hours ago, AJ yawning, Jimmy asleep, and the conversation dying, Bud and Harriet decided to go. Once the goodbyes were said and they left, Harm turned to Mac. He had been thinking about his conversation with Bud. He wasn't ready to profess his love yet, but he had to give Mac a clue.

"Mac, can I talk to you?"

"Sure, Harm. Is something wrong?"

"No. Nothing's wrong. I just want to say something."

"Ok."

"I don't know about you, but the past couple of days have been brutal on my control."

Mac knew what he meant, but she wanted to see where this was going.

"How do you mean?"

"Mac, we've known each other for 9 years. I've come to respect and care about you deeply. Being this close to you has been very hard on me."

Doubt started to creep in.

"Do you want to leave?"

"No! I want to stay. I just wanted you to know what you do to me, and that we have to find a way to do this for the next month or so."

"Oh. I see. If it makes you feel any better, I feel the same way. I have never been this close to you. I'm having trouble keeping myself at bay."

"So, what are we going to do."

"Well, we both recognized that there is more than feelings of friendship involved here. The kiss we shared a couple of nights ago is proof of that. Now all we need to do is find a way to make this a little easier on ourselves. I'm still going to need help bathing, but I can limit washing my hair to every other day. I'm not going anywhere, so there is no need to wash it so much. I can try to bathe myself and call you when I need help getting in and out. Oh, and for you to do my back of course. That way, we won't be as tempted as we have been. I can get dressed before you put to medicine on my scars. The stitches come out Friday, so we won't have to do that much longer. How does that sound?"

"I think I can do that, Mac. I think the less we see each other without clothing the better. Not that I don't like looking at you, but that's the problem."

"Same here. So we're agreed."

"I never thought I would agree to not look at a beautiful woman."

"Oh, you can look, but don't touch."

"Tease."

"You haven't seen anything yet, flyboy."

"Oh, I'm banking on there being more, but that will have to wait."

"Yes it will."

With everything settled, Harm and Mac fell into a regular routine. As the days passed, Mac was able to do more and more on her own. It got to the point that she really didn't need Harm's help anymore. Not that she wanted him to leave. She did convince him to go back to work a month after the accident. Life at JAG had been pretty hard with three senior officers out. Sturgis had gone back a week after the accident, but they were still backed up. Harm finally agreed to go back once she went to the doctor. The doctor was surprised to see that Mac was healing so quickly. The doctor assured him that Mac was healing fine and the factures were almost healed. The cast would be coming off in a week, and she could go back to work the week after that.

Harm reluctantly went back to work, but he came home to her every night. He got so use to staying with her, that it didn't feel right when he was by himself. They took turns staying at each other's apartment until Mattie went to stay with her dad permanently. That happened about a week after Harm went back to work. He knew something was up when Mattie started to distance herself from him. He thought it was because she was jealous he was spending most of his time with Mac. He did try to make time for her, but he didn't want to leave Mac alone. He spoke to Jen and got the rest of the story. Things were moving along quickly between Mattie and her dad. Her dad wanted to have Mattie back sooner than expected. Harm tried to talk to Mattie, but she pushed him away. Jen said Mattie thought it was for the best. She thought breaking ties with Harm would make the goodbye less painful. Harm had gotten a subpoena, and he went to talk to Mr. Johnson. He then went back to court, and the judge ruled that Mattie should go back to her dad. Harm and Mr. Johnson did agree to allow Mattie to come visit. Mattie didn't expect that, and immediately felt sorry for pushing Harm away. Even though he would still get to see Mattie, the damage had been done. He lost her, just like he lost everyone he cared about. Everyone, except Mac. Mac couldn't make it to the hearing, but soon found out what happened.

Harm turned up at her place in complete disarray. Mac, at first, thought he had been drinking, but he wasn't drunk. He looked so sad and broken. Mac let him in and they talked for hours. He broke down once saying that she was all he had left. He wouldn't know what to do if he lost her. All she could do was hold him and let him cry it out. He ended up falling asleep on her lap. She let him sleep there till the next morning. She thought it would be awkward between them, but it wasn't. He was so at ease and even thanked her for being there for him. This definitely wasn't the Harm she was used to, but she could get use to this.

A week after Mattie left, Mac returned to work. The doctor stated everything was healed, and she was fit for duty. That was the news Harm and Mac had been waiting for. Harm especially. Once he found out she was healed, he pulled out all the stops. He lefts cards and little gifts at her desk everyday. This went on for a couple of weeks. Then, one day, Mac walked into her office to a five bouquets of one dozen red roses. Except one vase had 11 roses in it. She knew immediately whom they were from. She took out the card and read it.

_Two months ago, my life changed forever._

_I owe it all to you, Sarah. _

_Here is a rose for each day I have been blessed to have you in my life since then._

_Yours Always and Forever,_

_Harm_

Tears filled her eyes as she read the card. She then heard a knock at the door. Harm quietly walked in, closed the door, and smiled at her.

"I take it you got my gift."

"Oh, Harm. These are so beautifully. You shouldn't have."

"I know, but I wanted to. I have something for you."

Harm pulled something from around his back. In his hand, he held a card, a box and a single red rose. He handed the rose to Mac.

"Now you have all 60 roses. I wanted to give you the last one myself."

"I can't believe you did this all for me."

"There's more."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

Harm handed her the card and box and asked her to open it. She opened the card first. It was the card he bought for her at the grocery. The tears she was trying to hold back flowed freely now. No one had ever given her a card like that. It as so full of love, even though he didn't come out and say it. She knew what he meant. She also understood what he was trying to say. Her life changed for the better, too. The day she met him for the first time, and the day she almost lost him were instrumental in making her the woman she is today. She had to read the card a few times. She didn't realize how similar they really are. They had the same fears and the same wants. She had to struggle to gain control of her emotions in order to open the box. Inside was a rose pendant on a gold chain. Mac couldn't believe what she was seeing. This was all becoming too much for her.

"Harm this is so beautiful. Why?"

"Because two months ago, you changed my life for the second time. The rose is a symbol of the first time you changed my life. You are the reason I am a better person. I want you to wear that pendant and know how much you are a part of my life."

"Oh, Harm. Thank you so much. I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say a thing. Just seeing how happy you are is all I need."

Mac came around her desk and hug him with all she had. He returned the hug. Finally breaking away, Mac looked up at him. The emotions that remained dormant were beginning to stir. They knew they shouldn't do this in the office, but they couldn't stop. Slowly, their lips came together, and the inferno was renewed. Tongues began dueling as hands roamed everywhere. They couldn't get enough of each other, but they knew they had to stop before they were seen. Reluctantly, they pulled away and rested their foreheads together. It took them a few moments to catch their breath. Harm was first to speak.

"Mac, do something for me?"

"Anything."

"Come out with me tonight."

"You mean on a date."

"Yes, on a date. I want to treat the most beautiful women to a wonderful meal."

"Well, when you ask like that, how can I refuse?"

"So, you'll come?"

"Yes."

"I'll pick you up at 1900."

"See you then."

Harm gave Mac a quick kiss and left her office to go plan the evening. They both knew what was coming. Tonight was the night that they would reveal and face their feelings. After tonight, there would be no turning back, and neither wanted to.

* * *

Well, there is the next chapter. I hope you enjoyed it. I plan to take it to the next level next chapter of the next so I might have to change the rating to R. I'm not sure yet. I've read other stories with sex that were PG-13. I don't know. We'll see. When I do it depends on the reviews it get. Now all you have to do is hit the little lilac button and review. You know you want to. (evil grin) 


	21. Did I Get It Right?

AN: Well everyone, we have finally reached the end of our journey. This chapter does contain a sex scene, so if that offends you, don't read on. I want to thank everyone for the reviews. They mean so much to me.

* * *

If time went any slower, it would be going backwards. Harm and Mac prayed for the time to pass, but there was no such luck. Since it was Monday, they thought they had a lot of work to do. As luck would have it, most of the cases were pleaded out, so most of the work was done by lunch. Harm and Mac attempted to keep their distance. They tempted fate earlier in her office, and neither wanted to take that chance.  
  
Mac sat in her office and wondered about what happened this morning. The events were totally unexpected. Harm had been giving her gifts for a while. She never thought he would do this for her. She could see the love in his eyes when he looked at her. She now knew it was love, because it was the same way she looked at him. She never thought it would be like this. Playing with the pendant on her neck, Mac thought about the changes that occurred the past couple of months. A lot of things had changed, especially Harm. He was so attentive and caring. It was a side of him she never saw before, and she immediately fell in love with it. The old Harm would never look at her the way he does now. He would never be as forthcoming with his personal feelings, and he certainly wouldn't have asked her out on a date. A date that seemed like it would never come. To help pass the time, Mac let her imagination take over, and allowed herself to dream about what changes tonight may bring.  
  
Harm, too, was having trouble coming to grips with what he did this morning. If someone would have asked him three months ago where he would be now, he definitely wouldn't have thought of this. He couldn't believe Mac and him were as close as they are now. He couldn't believe he actually did what he did this morning! He wanted to ask her out on a special occasion. He thought the two-month anniversary of the accident seemed fitting. He, at first, thought it was a morbid idea, but it seemed right. That night changed everything, and he knew he when he would ask her out, everything would change once again.  
  
Noticing it was lunchtime, he decided he couldn't wait any longer. He wanted to see Mac. He walked out of the closet he called an office and headed over to her office. A smile spread across his face as he saw her. She looked like she was in another world. She had been looking out the window, and fiddling with the pendant he gave her. Deciding to bring her back to reality, Harm softly knocked on the doorframe. Startled, Mac looked at the person who brought her out of her fantasy. A fantasy she hoped would come true tonight.  
  
"Daydreaming, Mac?"  
  
A small blush and an embarrassed smile graced her face.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"I hope it was a good one."  
  
Mac locked eyes when she spoke again.  
  
"Don't worry. It will be a VERY good one."  
  
Harm immediately caught onto the wording Mac used. He had to remind himself to breathe as he thought about it. Then he realized she was teasing him. Well, he would just have to return the favor.  
  
"Don't worry. I will make it the BEST one."  
  
"I'm holding you to it."  
  
"You better."  
  
"So, what can I do for you?"  
  
"Well, what I really want would have us both brought up on charges of conduct unbecoming, and lude behavior."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Oh yeah. Since that will have to wait, why don't we go grab some lunch."  
  
"I can do that."  
  
"Well, lets go."  
  
Mac grabbed her cover as Harm ushered her out the office to the elevator. Once they were outside, Mac spoke.  
  
"Is it just me, or is this day just dragging on?"  
  
"I can assure you it's not just you. All my motions and plea bargains are done. I've just been sitting in my office for the last hour."  
  
"You could have come visit me."  
  
"And risk a repeat of this morning? I didn't want to take that chance. I'm having a hard enough time already."  
  
"Why's that?"  
  
"Because I'm about to go on a date with the most beautiful woman, and all I want to do right now is kiss her breathless."  
  
"I see. Do I know her?"  
  
"I think so. She's a LtCol. in the Marines, and she just so happens to be my best friend and partner."  
  
"Really? I think I do know her."  
  
"I thought you did."  
  
"Well, I can tell you that you aren't the only one having trouble resisting temptation. She would want nothing more than to kiss you, too."  
  
"Good. At least we're on the same page."  
  
"Definitely."  
  
Harm and Mac continued to walk and talk till they found a hotdog stand. Mac insisted she wanted a hotdog, so Harm bought her one with everything on it and a tofu one for himself. They sat at a bench and ate quietly. Once they were finished, they made their way back to the office. Harm walked her to her door. He turned to walk away when Mac pulled him into her office and shut the door. With the blinds closed, she pushed Harm against the desk and pulled his face to hers. She could tell Harm was shocked at first, but then he leaned into the kiss. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer. Mac wrapped her hands around his neck and sought to deepen the kiss. Her tongue traced his lips, begging for entrance. Harm gladly opened his mouth, and her tongue darted inside. Each savored the taste of the other. They were quickly losing control. Feeling Harm's reaction pressing into her hip, Mac was brought back to reality. She started to draw back, and Harm did also. With a smirk, she looked up at him. She was shocked to see what she saw in his eyes. His eyes were slate gray, and she could see the want in his eyes. All of it was for her, and she wondered what else he had for her. That thought sent chills down her spine. Gaining control once again, she spoke.  
  
"Sorry about that."  
  
"Don't you dare be sorry. I didn't stop you."  
  
"I know, but we shouldn't be doing this here."  
  
"You're right. I guess we'll have to finish this tonight."  
  
"Promise?"  
  
Harm looked her squarely in the eye to make sure there would be no misunderstanding.  
  
"I promise, Sarah. There is nothing I would want more than to finish this later."  
  
"Good. What should I wear?"  
  
"Something formal."  
  
"Where are we going?" "It's a surprise."  
  
"Ok. I'll see you tonight."  
  
"You can bet on it."  
  
With a quick kiss, Harm made his way to the door. Mac grabbed his arm and turned him around. She handed him a Kleenex.  
  
"You might need this."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
Harm wiped off the lipstick and left her office. He couldn't help but notice the grin on Bud's face.  
  
"Not a word, Bud. Not one single word."  
  
"I wouldn't think of it, sir."  
  
"Good."  
  
Harm made it back to his office and put his plan into motion. He called the cleaners to make sure his suit was ready. He also called to confirm his reservations at Argia's. It normally took weeks to get a reservation. Luckily, he knew the owner. Once that was taken care of, Harm went to see the admiral and asked to secure an hour early. Harm left with the admiral's permission, and quietly snuck over to Bud. He told Bud that if Mac comes looking for him to tell her he had to go to Norfolk to drop off some papers. With that done, Harm left.  
  
There was one last thing Harm had to do before going home to get ready. He stopped at Bath and Body Works and picked up Mac's favorite relaxation products and a little something to set the mood. He then went to Mac's apartment and set the scene. Once he was done, he finished his errands and went home. Harm couldn't believe how nervous he was. He knew tonight was the night he was going to tell Mac he lover her. After that, he really didn't care where the night would take them. Although, he hoped it wouldn't end there. He didn't just want to tell Mac he loved her. He wanted to show her. With a silent prayer, Harm began to clean up the apartment and get ready for tonight.  
  
Mac came out about 30 minutes before closing time, and went to Harm's office. Seeing he wasn't there, Mac went to Bud.  
  
"Have you seen, Harm?"  
  
"Yes, ma'am. He said he had to go to Norfolk. He said he wouldn't be gone long."  
  
"Ok. Thanks, Bud."  
  
Mac wondered why Harm had to go to Norfolk, and why didn't her tell her about it. She figured she would ask him tonight. Once she secured for the day, Mac made her way home. When she opened the door to her apartment, Mac was assaulted by the smell of jasmine. She loved the smell of jasmine. It didn't take her long to figure out who did this.  
  
"Norfolk my butt. He's trying to set a particular mood. What he doesn't know is that there was no need to do that. I am already in THAT mood. Well, I might as well enjoy it."  
  
Mac walked into her bedroom and found a note taped to the bathroom door.  
  
_Here's something to help you get ready for tonight.  
  
Harm  
_  
Mac walked in and found chamomile bath oils and lotions. She also found a CD player with a CD with Sarah written on it. She thought he was pulling out all the stops, and she loved every minute of it. Mac figured she had an hour and a half till Harm arrived, so she could take a 45-minute bath. Setting her internal clock, Mac got ready for her bath. When she got in, she felt like she was in heaven. She reached over and hit play on the CD player. Harm's voice filled the room.  
  
_"Hello, Sarah. I bet you're wondering why I did all this. I did it because I want tonight to be a night you won't forget. I want to pamper you and cater to your every need. So, sit back and relax to the music on the CD. I'll see you in an hour or so."_  
  
Next thing she heard, Harm was playing his guitar and singing to her. He had such a beautiful voice. Now she knew she was in heaven. Mac leaned back in the tub and listened to Harm play and sing as she relaxed. She almost missed her internal alarm because she was so relaxed. She got out of the tub and went into her bedroom to get ready. She couldn't believe how nervous she was. Her hands were shaking so much that she had a hard time putting her makeup on. She finished her makeup and calculated she still had 15 minutes till Harm arrived. He was always late anyway, so she probably had twenty. Mac looked in her closet and found the dress she bought . It was red with spaghetti straps. The back of the dress came down to her mid-back, and the front had a sweetheart cut that ended right above her breasts. It was a formal length and had a slit up to her mid- thigh. A pair of stiletto heels accented the dress. She also added pearl earrings and necklace to top it off. Check her clock, she figured she still had another five minutes. Just then the there was a knock at the door.  
  
"That couldn't be him."  
  
Mac walked to the door, and it was indeed Harm. She couldn't believe he was early. She always thought he would be late for his own funeral. She opened the door and took in the sight before her. Harm was dressed in a double-breasted charcoal gray suit with a blue silk shirt, and a charcoal gray tie. His shoes were so shiny that you could see you reflection in them. Mac could barely breathe. He looked so handsome. She couldn't wait to run her hands up that silk shirt of his. Lose in her fantasy, Mac didn't hear Harm call to her.  
  
"Mac? Earth to Mac. Are you there?"  
  
"Uh...yeah...Sorry. I zoned out a bit. Come on in."  
  
Mac stepped aside and allowed Harm to get a full glimpse of her. He thought she looked so beautiful. He loved it when she wore red. He couldn't stop staring at her dress. It accentuates every curve of her body. He couldn't help but imagine running his hands over those curves. It was Mac's turn to bring him back to Earth.  
  
"Harm?"  
  
"Oh...I'm sorry. You look so beautiful tonight, Sarah."  
  
"Why thank you, Harm. You look very handsome yourself."  
  
"Thank you. You ready to go?"  
  
"Sure let me grab my drape."  
  
Grabbing her drape, Harm put it over her shoulders. Offering his arm, Harm escorted Mac to his car. He opened the door for her and helped her in. He got in, started the engine, and pulled into traffic.  
  
"So, are you going to tell me where we are going."  
  
"I guess I can't keep it a secret forever. You ever heard of Argia's?"  
  
"It's that Italian restaurant on North Washington St."  
  
"You got it. I got us reservations there."  
  
"Harm, how did you manage that? It takes weeks to get into that place."  
  
"I know the owner."  
  
"Figures. Is there anyone in this city you don't know?"  
  
"Not many." Harm and Mac continued their playful banter till they arrived at the restaurant. He gave to keys to the valet and helped Mac to the door. Once they were inside, Harm told them his name, and was shown to their table. A waiter came by with menus and water and stated she would be back to take their orders. Mac couldn't believe how beautiful this place was. On the walls hung artwork done by a local artist whose name was Thomas Mullaney. She had heard of him and enjoyed his work. Once she had an eyeful of the beauty of the restaurant, Mac picked up the menu. What she didn't notice was that Harm was staring at her. When she caught him, he couldn't help but blush.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"You were staring at me."  
  
"Can't a man look at a beautiful woman?"  
  
"I guess he can."  
  
"Well that was what I was doing."  
  
"Oh, well in that case, I don't mind."  
  
"Good, because I couldn't take my eyes off you if I tried."  
  
Mac blushed for a moment before she continued.  
  
"Have you decided what you wanted?"  
  
"What I want isn't on the menu, Sarah."  
  
"I know the feeling, but you will need you strength."  
  
"I will?"  
  
"Definitely."  
  
"Well then I guess I better find something."  
  
The waiter came by a few minutes later. Harm let Mac order first. Mac thought they could start off with some Caprese as an appetizer. For her main dish, Mac chose Costolette All'emiliana. Harm decided on the Salmone Alla Griglia. With their orders taken, Harm thought now would be a good time to start talking.  
  
"Mac?"  
  
"Yes, Harm?"  
  
"I don't know if you want to do this hear, but I wanted to know if you wanted to start this conversation now?"  
  
"I don't see why not, Harm. That is one of the reasons you brought me out here."  
  
"Yeah. Well...Damn I had this all planned out in my head."  
  
Mac placed a hand over his hand and squeezed it.  
  
"Just start at the beginning."  
  
"I wanted tonight to be special, Sarah. I wanted to tell you how I felt."  
  
"You have made tonight special, Harm. You showed me before you even picked me up how special you wanted this night to be."  
  
"I take it you like the surprise."  
  
"I loved it. I love hearing you sing. You have a beautiful voice, Harm."  
  
"Thank you. I guess I could start by explaining a little more why I picked tonight. You already know that today is the two-month anniversary of your crash. I already told you it changed my life forever. What I didn't tell you was how I felt that day. It took me a long time just to figure it all out, but now I think I have. If you remember, the night didn't end very well at my apartment. As usual, I couldn't get out what I wanted to say to you and we fought. You left so angry. I didn't even know you were hurt till I got to the hospital."  
  
"How did you find out?"  
  
"I was on my way to you when I saw my car. I guess they already towed yours. I got to the hospital to check on Sturgis when a nurse asked if I was here for you. I then saw Bud and Harriet and put two and two together. I was devastated, Mac. No one knew what was going one. No one knew if you were going to live or die, and I had no on to blame but myself."  
  
"Why blame yourself."  
  
"Because if I had gotten my head out of my six and told you how I felt that night, you wouldn't have been on the road."  
  
"Harm. It was an accident. No one could have known this was going to happen. Don't you know things happen for a reason?"  
  
"I know they do, Mac, but you almost died!"  
  
"But I didn't die. I'm right here with you, because you saved me."  
  
"How did I save you, Mac? I was the one who made you leave."  
  
"We already talked about the dreams we had, and how you brought me back. What I didn't tell you was the dream I had once I came home. Webb was in it. He asked why I didn't go with him."  
  
"What did you tell him?"  
  
"I said I couldn't leave just yet. There's too much for me to live for. Clay coming to me finally helped me to realize what my true feelings are."  
  
"What are your feelings, Mac?"  
  
Mac was about to answer when the food arrived. Both were slightly annoyed by the arrival of the food.  
  
"Harm, I think we should finish this when we get through with dinner."  
  
"I think you're right. When we journey into those waters again, I don't want anything stopping us."  
  
"Ok."  
  
Harm and Mac ate as quickly as possible. Each had waited nine years to finish this conversation. Once they were done eating, Harm paid the bill and they left. Harm decided to go back to his place. There was one more surprise he had planned. He parked his car and escorted Mac to his apartment door. He asked her to give his five minutes and hurried inside. Mac didn't even have time to wonder what he was doing. He opened the door and ushered her in. What she saw inside left her breathless. Candles were everywhere and the sent of jasmine lingered in the air. There was soft jazz playing in the background. Mac smiled as she looked up at Harm.  
  
"Trying to set the mood again, Harm."  
  
"I just wanted everything to be right."  
  
"It is as long as I'm with you."  
  
"Sarah..."  
  
"Harm..."  
  
Harm reached for her and pulled her to him. His lips crashed onto hers. His tongue seeking entrance. A soft moan could be heard, but neither knew who it was. He tasted her again and again. He couldn't get enough of her. He was quickly losing control, but he couldn't just yet. He had to tell her. He pulled away from her and took a couple of steps back. Their breathing was ragged, and their lips were swollen from the kiss.  
  
"Sarah, there is something I need to tell you."  
  
Mac knew what he wanted to say, but part of her didn't care. She wanted him now.  
  
"Can't this wait, Harm?"  
  
"No, Sarah. This can't. I want to do this right. If I take this next step with you, I want you to know how I feel."  
  
Taking a deep breath, Mac sat on the couch.  
  
"I understand, Harm. I'm sorry if I sounded harsh. You really got me going there for a minute."  
  
"I know how you feel, Sarah. I almost said to hell with it."  
  
"What is it you wanted to tell me?"  
  
Harm sat down on both his legs in front of Mac. He took both her hands in his. Gazing into her eyes, he spoke.  
  
"Sarah, we have known each other for so long. I can't imagine my life without you in it. I have made so many mistakes with you. I have pushed you away so many times. I made a promise to myself when you were in the accident. I promised that I wouldn't push you away anymore if you survive. And you did. You came back to me. What I'm trying to say is..."  
  
Harm's voice died off. This was it. He was finally going to tell her. He could see the anticipation in her eyes. He couldn't put it off any longer. He raised himself fully on his knees and brought himself up to eye-level with Mac. Locking eyes with her, he spoke.  
  
"I love you Sarah Mackenzie. I've loved you from the first day I saw you. You complete the piece in my heart that has been missing. You are a part of my heart and my soul. You are my everything. I..."  
  
Harm never got a chance to finish what he was saying because Mac's lips came crashing down on his. The kiss was slowing pulling them down into the inferno burning in their hearts. Mac pulled away before it was too late. When she did, Harm saw the tears in her eyes.  
  
"Oh, Harm. I love you, too. You have always been there for me, when everyone else would have given up. You are the reason I came back to life. I couldn't leave this world. I couldn't leave you. You complete me."  
  
Having said that, Mac fused their lips once again. Harm pushed her back on the couch and towered over her. Their hands were franticly working to remove the other's clothing. This location was quickly becoming uncomfortable. Harm made a decision the remedy that. Squatting, he picked Mac up and carried her to the bedroom. His lips never left hers. Once they were at the foot of his bed, Harm let Mac slide down till her feet touched the floor. Mac then made quick work of Harm's jacket and tossed it aside. She then ran her fingernails over Harm's chest, causing a moan from Harm. Harm broke the kiss and began placing feather light kisses down Mac's neck. He found a particular sensitive spot, and Mac couldn't help but moan. Logging that into his memory for future reference, he made his way back to her lips.  
  
Harm then snaked his hands up Mac's shoulders and pulled the straps of her dress down. He then began another journey down her neck and made sure to hit that sensitive spot. He went further this time. He started kissing her shoulder as he worked the dress down Mac's body. He loved feeling the curves of her body. Next thing Mac knew, the dress pooled at her feet. She quickly realized this was a one-sided show. Here she was in just a bra, panties and shoes, and Harm was still fully dressed. Turning so Harm was now against the bed, Mac pushed him down. With a plop, Harm landed on the bed. She then straddled his hips and began unbuttoning his shirt. With each button, Mac kissed the newly exposed flesh. Everywhere her lips touched, Harm felt like he was being burned alive. Mac made quick work of his belt as Harm toed off his shoes. She pulled his pants down, and left him clad in only his boxers. Silk boxers, in fact. Once most of his clothing was off, Mac made her way back to his mouth. She loved the taste of him. It was a taste she would never tire of.  
  
Harm decided now was a good time to turn the tables. He reached around and unclasped the strapless bra Mac was wear, causing her breasts to be released. He couldn't believe how perfect they were. He gently took them in his hands and began massaging them. Mac was lost in the feel of Harm's touch. Just when she thought she couldn't take anymore, she felt Harm's mouth surround her breast. Harm drank from each one. He made sure neither felt neglected. It was quickly becoming too much for her. Mac had to gain some control. She pulled away just enough that it broke Harm's contact. She then started to work her way down his chest. A trail of fire burned with each kiss. She reached the rim of his boxers and pulled them off. She had to take a moment to admire the view in front of her. He was, for lack of better words, perfect.  
  
Harm decided she had seen enough. He quickly turned her onto her back and kissed her with all the love he had. He quickly took off her panties and finding her ready, settled himself between her legs. This was the moment they both had been waiting for. Before he went any further, he took a moment to look into Mac's eyes. He had to make sure this was what she wanted. Mac knew what he was doing, and her heart burst with the love she had for him. She reached up and pulled his face to her. "Make love to me Harm. I need you."  
  
That was all Harm needed to hear. He gentle joined them. He made sure to go slow enough so he wouldn't hurt her. It was all becoming too much. The feeling was so intense. He was positive he had no control left. He couldn't even move. He knew if he did, his control would snap. Mac, sensing what was wrong, whispered in his ear.  
  
"It's ok to lose control, Harm. You won't hurt me. Lose yourself in me."  
  
That was all it took. His control gone, Harm began to move. He moved till he could feel Mac's release coming. Just as she went, so did he. Each was screaming the other's name. Both were flying so high that rockets wouldn't touch them. They remained there for several minutes. Exhausted, Harm rolled onto his back and took Mac with him. She found herself in a familiar position, and she couldn't help but snuggle in. Once his breathing became normal, Harm spoke.  
  
"That was..."  
  
"Incredible."  
  
"That's putting it lightly. Mac, I've never felt like that before."  
  
"Neither have I, Harm. It was the most wonderful experience of my life."  
  
"I love you, Sarah."  
  
"I love you too, Harm."  
  
Harm wrapped both his arms around Mac and pulled her closer to him. Once they were both settled, they drifted off to sleep. Their dreams filled with visions of the future.

* * *

Well there it is. I'm not sure if I pushed the envelop on the sex scene. I tried to keep it clean, although I have a better version in my head. If you want me to write it and send it to you, let me know. It's not that different, but it is more graphic and longer. My question to everyone is, do you want a sequal. I have an idea for the sequal to this, and yes, it does have a lot of angst. Let me know. Now all you have to do is hit the little lilac button and review. You know you want to. (evil grin) 


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